birthday gift questions

crazered · ‎04-01-2010

When my son turned 40 we gave him $200.

We nornally do gift but it was a Landmark day for him.

Our daughter in law has a birthday in May turning 38.

I am on the fence what to get for her. We can't really do $200. Do you think $100 would do? Nornally I get her a Coach purse but even those I don't get out and seach for.

I just don't want any hurt feeling.

My son's next birthday I plan on giving him $100. But with the way the economy is going I maybe broke LOL

thanks

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

Hubbs Mom always gave a dollar for every year (45 = 45 dollars). and capped it at 50. I thought this was a great tradition.

fthunt · ‎12-24-2010

I would trash the cash idea and............look for a nice personal gift.

$$$ just seems 'cold'. for a family member.

PinkyPetunia · ‎03-09-2010

Can't remember exactly but we stopped gifts to son and many cousins around age 21 or college graduation. It was a mutual thing in the family,

For birthdays, anniversaries, etc. we go out to dinner together or (pandemic version) have dinner and cake at home. We were never big on gift giving.

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

I completely understand why you gave your son cash. come a certain point, buying gifts for so many becomes nearly impossible.

Every family has different traditions, but I admire generous people. While we usually don’t routinely gift the adults in our family, but we find ways to gift them. We want to give “with a warm hand.”

I think I would have a conversation with my DIL, in advance of her big day. I am sure she would understand.

ThinkingOutLoud · ‎05-01-2020

I agree that avoiding hurt feelings is the way to go so I would ditch the $100 for your son and give her $200 and end gift-giving on that note. Going forward, a heartfelt card will just have to do (or maybe lunch out if you're in the same area). It also wouldn't hurt to figure out their love languages* and go by that (ie gifts ranks dead last with me).

*if I remember right - time, service, affection, words of affirmation, gifts (check your library - Gary Chapman is the author)

LindaSal · ‎05-15-2014

When DH and I retired we stopped giving birthday gifts to our adult kids and we told them not to buy for us either. We have always helped them out over the years and we still do at times now. We are lucky we are in a position to do that. I've done different things in more recent years like take them all out for a nice dinner celebrating all of their birthdays together. I've also cooked nice at home meals for them, and we do all the holiday cooking here. So whatever you decide I am sure will be appreciated. $100 sounds like a great gift to me

CAcableGirl2 · ‎06-03-2010

@crazered I would not do a purse, she may not be thrilled since everyone's taste changes over the years and is different. I have tons of Coach purses and have offered any of them to my DIL and she likes the one that she picked out herself maybe 15 years ago and passes on my offer.

Cash is always nice, maybe the $100 this year, and then when it's a new year, let everyone know that you would like to stop giving/getting gifts (in a nice way). My family all decided on this years ago (during Thanksgiving dinner) and it's been so much easier and less stressful for everyone. My elderly mom mentions every holiday how much less stressful the holidays are now since we stopped with the gifts. Only the small children get gifts (and some money for their savings account).

For birthdays, it's a card, and a lunch or dinner all together celebrating everyone's day (since all our bdays are close together), and everyone has a great time and no gifts.

......You look like I need a drink.....

wagirl · ‎03-09-2010

Money is always good---now days people get what they want whenever they want, so it's hard to shop. I give cash to my 2 adult kids, usually $100 is my limit.

HLP · ‎04-02-2015

@crazered wrote:
When my son turned 40 we gave him $200.
We nornally do gift but it was a Landmark day for him.
Our daughter in law has a birthday in May turning 38.
I am on the fence what to get for her. We can't really do $200. Do you think $100 would do? Nornally I get her a Coach purse but even those I don't get out and seach for.
I just don't want any hurt feeling.
My son's next birthday I plan on giving him $100. But with the way the economy is going I maybe broke LOL

thanks

I'd give her the same. I do my grown child and wife. They give me a gift card to Amazon and I love it.