Your opinion on men that lack in the romance depar... - Page 3

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

So many good points here form different perspectives!

I think what many said that even though cards might not be important to him, if you tell him they mean a lot to you, it is a caring thing to give someone you care about things that mean a lot to them.

And its good to talk about these things.

I know my daughter has told her husband about the book about love languages and shared what each of theirs were. It is a neat thing to discuss and share together.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

gmkb · ‎07-29-2012

@pggoody You ask "can a guy change". Yes, but rarely for the better.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Something bothers me when a guy says 'I don't do ______'. I don't do the garbage, I don't do the dishes, I don't do this, I don't do that. ................ 'I don't know', I'm just thinking that if a spouse says she/he would like a card once or twice a year, then the other person can run into a dollar store and find a nice card. ............ Keep in mind that I haven't yet read all of the replies.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Can a guy change...yes. Will YOUR guy change...probably not. You aren't asking for 2 dozen roses every week or choclate covered strawberries or to be whisked off for beach weekend by white limo. You are asking for an occasionl card and some acknowledgment of his feelings for you. And refused to give you that. So, there's your answer. He doesn't care enough about you or your relationship to grab a $3 card from the drugstore. That does not mean he isn't romantic. This isn't even about romance. He's a selfish lout.....end it. So you can find someone who deserves you.

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

To expect someone to change to what you want is equally selfish. Again it's how he treats you every day. I can't imagine wanting to make someone be what they are not to suit me.

Puppy Lips · ‎05-09-2010

@CalminHeart wrote:
A man that doesn't do cards or anything to make his gf or wife feel loved and special is selfish and lazy. I don't expect a lot but it's important that each person in a relationship meet the other's needs too. This guy will never put a gf or wife first. Huge Red Flag. It will get worse as time goes buy. Run!

I don't agree with this at all. My husband and I don't exchange cards anymore. At some point we decided they were just a waste of money. He will buy me flowers once in a while, but not every "flower worthy" event. Sometimes we don't even celebrate our birthdays or exchange Christmas presents. I am okay with all that. I guess I don't NEED those things to feel loved and special. My husband makes me laugh, and that is the greatest gift he can give me.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@circles wrote:
I was fortunate to have had an ex husband that was very romantic...he always did special cards...flowers...held car and doors...held my hand while we were out and about...etc etc..

Then the man i dated after him...was exactly the same..very attentive to me ..with special gifts flower on my pillow..cards...etc

I am sorry for those that have never experienced a loving partner..

He was sooooo loving but he is also your EX husband?

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

It does kind of sound like he is more interested in his own feelings rather than yours or anyone elses.

Just because he doesn't "do cards", would he not "do" them if they meant a lot to someone he loved or cared about?

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@pggoody wrote:
When you were dating your significant other , did he give you cards on special occasions? Or if not, did he ever do cute romantic gestures.? ? I know some men are more romantic than others......but how do you view a man (30) that says he " just doesn't do cards.....sees no need . He definitely lacks in the romance department. I would think a card would be an easy way to express himself. Seeing friends getting these kind of things does not help. it does not have to be over the top,kind of stuff but what do you think....... Can a guy change?

@pggoody

Your post left some questions unanswered, but the subsequent posts assumed this is your guy, not some casual friend. Is this correct?

Goody, based on your comments, this guy isn't significant other material, just a casual relationship. He is NOT "courting" you, regardless of how it manifests. Yes, some women do get all caught up in the specific way they think he should demonstrate his affections, and that can be a real mistake. Every guy has his own courtship style.

However ..... just HOW does he behave towards you to demonstrate he is serious and thinks you are "the one"? Does he do ANYTHING that could be called "endearing behavior"? If he doesn't, please wake up .... either this guy just can't be bothered to show his love .... or he can't be bothered because he's still waiting for the right woman to come along. You are not that woman, so stop wasting your time.

It's pretty obvious you're not getting your needs met with this guy. Life is short .... please move on.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

You must evaluate why you are attracted to him, and what his good points are. Only you can do this. I will make a suggestion ,comparing yourself with others ,is a poor way to last in a relationship. If you love someone, you don't compare them with others. You make you own life together