Your Relationship with Adult Children

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

When you children become adults, do you become their "friend," or do you retain the role of parent, with all that that implies?

If your adult child got in a jam, would you simply assist (assuming you're not enabling dysfunctional behavior), or would you assist PLUS give motherly advice and/or reminders about how to avoid the situation in the future?

Do you ever drop the role of parent and simply become a sounding board and supportive ear?

Or do you think a parent should always feel free to offer their advice on "how to avoid" X situation?

Asking for a friend.............

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

all of the above......it really depends on the situation.

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"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

I give advice when asked. I offer a solution to an issue but only in a, have you considered...never you should do or should have done...

My child doesn't try to tell me what I should do or should have done; makes suggestions but doesn't try to persuade me to do anything. I don't get lectures and I don't give them.

DREAMON · ‎03-09-2010

I think a parent should be available to be all that you mentioned....as hard as that may be at times.

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
When you children become adults, do you become their "friend," or do you retain the role of parent, with all that that implies?
If your adult child got in a jam, would you simply assist (assuming you're not enabling dysfunctional behavior), or would you assist PLUS give motherly advice and/or reminders about how to avoid the situation in the future?
Do you ever drop the role of parent and simply become a sounding board and supportive ear?
Or do you think a parent should always feel free to offer their advice on "how to avoid" X situation?

Asking for a friend.............

1. Parent
2. Depends on the "jam"; if my adult child came to me re: "jam", the door has been opened for me to advise and/or at that point I decide whether "jam" warrants my involvement.
3. As a parent I AM a sounding board and/or supportive ear--have always been that kind of parent BUT will also advise/give my opinion!
4. I offer advise if asked or "the door is opened", that being I am told about a situation, which I deem a door being opened for me to advise or give feedback.

Bookbabe · ‎04-17-2010

@DREAMON wrote:
I think a parent should be available to be all that you mentioned....as hard as that may be at times.

I like that answer and totally agree. Yes, I bite my tongue until I am asked.

mac116 · ‎03-26-2010

I don't give an opinion or advice unless I am asked...and then VERY carefully. I had a miserable relationship with my MIL because she "needed" to give her opinion to my husband on anything and everything about our family.

september · ‎03-09-2010

I think it depends on the age of the adult child, and whether or not he/she is still a student.

My older child graduated from college at 22 and got a good paying job right off the bat. He became totally independent from me at that point.

My younger children went to grad school and had some health issues. So I've supported her until recently, and because of this....I've also chimed in on such issues as her travel plans, etc. I did pay for things like her cell phone, and when these costs increase....I'm the one paying for it!

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

DH tries to stay out of things but one of his daughters always makes the wrong choice.....1 example.....she bought a car out of state...he told her to wait and buy locally so he could go with her to make sure she was not getting taken advantage of...she bought it out of state anyway, fast forward about 8 months.....this week he has driven her to work about 40 miles away from our home beause her car is in the shop, it's a piece of junk and she never should have purchased it....plus it is costing quite a bit to fix it.....

He would love to visit with her and just chat but there is always something.....