Re: Your Divorce? Was it more important to be Prac... - Page 4

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Starpolisher Are you just not "into" one another, not have things in common, or really not like the other person? To me that would be a big factor in any decision because to me that's two way different situations.

Starpolisher · ‎03-10-2010

@geezerette wrote:
One last thought and then I'll shut up😉�

If you do file for divorce, don't expect your now quiet husband to just accept it. He may very well fight you tooth and nail. Are you willing to take that chance and what the possible consequences of something like that drawn out would do to the relationship you have with your children and they have with their father?

From your post it sounds like you are the only unhappy one. If you proceed with a divorce, you most likely could be perceived as the bad guy that disrupted everyone's life.

I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be happy, I'm just saying I would look long and hard at the possible consequences and if I am willing to risk them.

@geezerette

This is my main concern. That I'll be perceived as the "bad guy" that broke up the family. My husband is not happy either but it's not enough to him to think about divorce.

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

Maybe you should pick some place you would like to go and just get away by yourself for a while. See how you feel being alone and what you do with your time. It might give you some idea of how you really feel in your heart of hearts before you make a decision.

Effie54 · ‎09-08-2010

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. It must be difficult, and as you say...lonely. I know of a few couples who have experienced similar situations. It's not an easy decision to make. When I was in grad school, I had a professor (who was a therapist by day), who stated she had couples in their 80's getting divorced. They simply got sick of each other, and did not want to spend another day together. Most husbands don't wanna talk about it, and they refused to go to counseling. So with those on here who keep suggesting that you go to counseling, it's just not going to work. And it's not an end all answer either. People grow apart, and that's an ugly fact of life. It's especially hard when your partner does not want to address the issue. It's like husbands live in denial. They are just fine with the status quo for the rest of their lives, while the wives want more. I've seen this time and time again. The only advice I will give you is that it is never too late to live your best life. No matter what it takes.

Effie54 · ‎09-08-2010

@geezerette wrote:
One last thought and then I'll shut up.😉

If you do file for divorce, don't expect your now quiet husband to just accept it. He may very well fight you tooth and nail. Are you willing to take that chance and what the possible consequences of something like that drawn out would do to the relationship you have with your children and they have with their father?

From your post it sounds like you are the only unhappy one. If you proceed with a divorce, you most likely could be perceived as the bad guy that disrupted everyone's life.

I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be happy, I'm just saying I would look long and hard at the possible consequences and if I am willing to risk them.

Don't assume that. Not all husbands make it ugly. Some dressed are willing to walk away. Everyone on here is telling her to go to counseling, and that may work, but I've seen it not work as well. Sometimes you just have to make a decision and stick with it, and that takes guts.

Effie54 · ‎09-08-2010

@Imaoldhippie wrote:

@Starpolisher ..........I see several posts that suggest counseling. In MY OWN experience counseling was a waste of time and money, and not just for marriage but other counseling as well.

Exactly! Just because someone goes to counseling on their own, or where the mate, it can still end badly. You can't bring someone to counseling that doesn't wanna go. And even if she goes for herself, it may or may not help her with her decision. So many people just remain for the status quo because they don't wanna go through the gauntlet of divorce.

LindaSal · ‎05-15-2014

@Starpolisher I understand and I read your posts completely. Please know what I said just came from the heart. I do wish you all the best in your continued journey and I am sorry for your situation.

Effie54 · ‎09-08-2010

@Starpolisher wrote:
@geezerette wrote:
One last thought and then I'll shut up😉�

If you do file for divorce, don't expect your now quiet husband to just accept it. He may very well fight you tooth and nail. Are you willing to take that chance and what the possible consequences of something like that drawn out would do to the relationship you have with your children and they have with their father?

From your post it sounds like you are the only unhappy one. If you proceed with a divorce, you most likely could be perceived as the bad guy that disrupted everyone's life.

I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be happy, I'm just saying I would look long and hard at the possible consequences and if I am willing to risk them.
@geezerette
This is my main concern. That I'll be perceived as the "bad guy" that broke up the family. My husband is not happy either but it's not enough to him to think about divorce.

It doesn't matter what people "think", it matters what you FEEL! Too many people live in misery because they're afraid of what others will think. They are responsible for their life, you are responsible for yours.

~k~ · ‎03-09-2010

While there is plenty of advice, concern and compassion shown here, only you know the true journey you are on. I would be one to advise to seek counseling,. Is he a man that you can sit down and speak honestly with? Can you say to him what you have said to us? The time invested in this relationship is long and history has been shared. I agree with much that has been said here, it can be rough starting over at our age and the waters that are rippled will not settle for a while. Be careful of what you seek. But know before hand that the steps that are made are they right path for you. Happiness resides within us. I am alone now, (widowed) and it's not as easy as one might think. My first marriage ended after 17 years in divorce and my children asked me why I waited so long. Life is not easy. Good luck in whatever choice you make. Good men are hard to find.

sweetee2 · ‎06-21-2015

I just have one question. Why is it his responsibility to make you happy? My husband has been retired for 3 years now. He's 73 and I'm 67. It has been horrible having him home, but am I unhappy no. I have many things I enjoy. I've been decorating for fall and Halloween. My roses are blooming again. The Hawks out in our big Pine tree we planted when we got married 49 years ago are teaching the babies to fly. It not others responsibility to make you happy.