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Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?

They were all aware of when his birthday was. I think they are just too busy with their own lives to care.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?

Thanks for you input; I am sure nothing I could say at this point would be very well received.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,103
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?

I might be tempted to ask each of his children.... "anyone forget your birthday this year?".... "No??.... "Isn't that nice that you were remembered on your special day!" 

 

Too subtle??  Probably, and that's why I'd say to them something regardless....  the only way this will get fixed would be to talk to them kindly and let them know. 

 

 

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*
Valued Contributor
Posts: 826
Registered: ‎01-21-2011

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?

I have been dealing with issue for 25 years.  He has 2 grown children from his first marriage.  His son lives with his family in the basement of an unfinished home on 20 acres of land his father gave to him.  He has yet to hear a thank-you from him.  This creep will goes YEARS w/o a word or visit to his father.  The only separation of our homes is a line of trees.  My husband had a serious operation several years ago.  Not a phone call or card or even a cookie.  I have asked relatives of this creep about his upbringing in hopes of finding out about his behaviour.  I have got the same response from everyone who knew him growing up.  He's very odd.  This creep's son no longer talks to him.

 

The daughter is better, but she too will go several months w/o a visit  and weeks w/o a call.  They live 40 miles from us and when we do see her, we go there.  Her husband makes several million dollars a year and their lifestyle is so over the top, we feel like 2 hillbillies seeing the big city for the first time.  We have not  had a major holiday together in years as they fly around the country to their other homes every chance they get.

 

I keep my mouth shut about his childrens' horrible treatment of their father.  He tries to put on a brave show, but I know he's dying inside.  They will both inherit a great deal when he passes.  BTW, the creep also goes years w/o seeing his sister.

 

If I outlive my husband, my feelings and thoughts will come out then. I also believe in Karma, which can be a beoch.  How any child can treat a parent who would willingly die for them this badly is beyond me.  By the time I was 25, both of my parents were dead.  What I would give to send a card or make a phone call.....

Contributor
Posts: 61
Registered: ‎07-31-2010

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?

I agree, CAcableGirl.   My husband has tried to explain the other side of the story to his kids but as soon as he does, they accuse him of attacking their mother and don't want to hear a word of it.    My husband fought to see them and have a relationship with them. They become extremely defensive and then have more resentment towards my husband.   Unfortunately, they feel that I am pushing my husband to say such things and that is one thing I stay out of.   My husband's first marriage had nothing to do with me.   But I come from an extremely close family and it makes me sad to see how my husband's daughters treat him.  They are also missing out on life with their dad.  They are well into their 20's now and really want nothing more to do with him.  Sadly, I know it is because he is married to me.  I came years after their divorce but I understand their need to blame someone for having divorced parents. It isn't right but I understand the pain of missing out on life with a parent.   So, if they ever have a change in their hearts to reach out,  I would welcome them with open arms.  Time lost is impossible to get back but new and happy memories can be made.   We haven't lost hope!

Contributor
Posts: 61
Registered: ‎07-31-2010

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?

You're sweet, QualityGal.  Thank you.

Contributor
Posts: 61
Registered: ‎07-31-2010

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?

So true.  Everyone's family dynamics are different.   We should respect or accept them and move on and be content.  

Contributor
Posts: 61
Registered: ‎07-31-2010

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?

I wish I could visit with you, Adeline!  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,927
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Woulld you say anything to your stepchildren about this?


@speedy girl wrote:

This is one time, I recommend butting in!! I would send a mass text to all my kids letting them know they hurt their Dad. That should get their attention and let them take it from there. I bet he was extremely hurt even if he didn't mention it. 


If the kids did it on purpose, it might unleash a very unnecessary situation where the OP should have minded her own business. 

 

If they forgot, which I doubt, it says maybe the relationship with their father is lacking something in the first place.  That would be his decision to make, and not the OP's.  

 

In any case, leave it alone.  It's not like they don't all know what is going on even if she does not.   It's a "stove hot" situation.