Among Friends

[msh8970]

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@Silver Lining wrote:

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@CouponQueen wrote:

If you cannot afford the gift then I can see stopping but he is a little boy and parents today do not teach manners.

I would limit the gift to twenty bucks. I can tell you feel badly to stop.

Is the twenty bucks going to make a difference in your budget, I would stop. If not I would give the kid a gift since you have all along.  He is eight - how would he know why you stopped?

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@CouponQueen, I disagree with your statement that parents today don't teach manners. I see more children that are polite than not. I do like the advice you gave the OP, especially that this child is only eight.

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I think that was a blanket/general statement. I do agree kids today in general are not as polite or even social as when I was growing up all those decades ago. Parents need to be parents and nowadays so many are too busy or want to be their kids friend, not their parent. BUT.. back to the advice and question.

The child may be "only 8" but he is capable of coming to the door to say thank you himself, or telling me he enjoyed the gift the next time he sees me outside. Not a curt thank you from one of the parents and the door practically slammed in my face. To me, that equals=we do not want this/we do not want to be bothered. I could see it happening once, as people can be busy, on the phone, in the middle of something, whatever. But when it is a pattern, then it tells me they do not want to be bothered....Again, I agree with Alohagirl's analogy that the parents just do not want to be bothered or feel uncomfortable about it. Actions speak louder than words sometimes.. And, again, the fact that they do not get company kind of speaks volumes. Again, this is all their own way of living, I guess. And I guess I have my answer.

[Happiness Is Inside JOB]

I did not read everyone's comments, and this is no offense to the original poster but what is the purpose of giving the gift?  I got the vibe that the family does not even have a relationship with the poster.  I don't know where this person lives, maybe in that part of the country people buy gifts for their neighboor kids.  I don't know cause I live in a city area where neighboors are just neighboors.  I don't even know the first name and last name of some of my neighboors. 

I have given my husband's family gifts in the past..... to not even get a "THANK YOU" and guess what....over time I stopped.  When I realized wait, we are doing XYZ for them and they can't even buy me a mcdonald's happy meal.

I had to ask myself, are you giving these people gifts for them to "LIKE YOU" or "BE NICER or SHOW YOU ATTENTION". 

I had to learn something......,either I  give a gift with no expectations..... of thank you dog, praises or anything or I don't give it at all.  When I know that I expected something is, if I get no ackowledgement and I'm not upset then that tells me something.

If I want or need "some kind" of acknowledgement then I question if I should give the gift at all.

I don't mind giving or helping ......but I NOW ......need to have some kind of relationship with the person or family.  Now I treat people how they treat me, if you are distant, I'm distant back to you.  I'm not going to be spending my money on people who don't appreciate it, I save my money for ME and MY HUSBAND to enjoy !!!

[Happiness Is Inside JOB]

Also what I learned in my husband's family is sometimes I might be giving someone something.....they accept it....but at their house....when you are not around...they are pratically telling their kids....USE HER, if she gonna buy you something TAKE IT...

We were giving and doing and when we weren't around, it was comments such as, well they got money, I'm take as much as they are stupid enough to give me.  They were laughing at us.  One of the comments was, if they want to keep giving XYZ stuff, I'm take it but I'm never gonna give them nothing.

That is also what helped us stop, if you are always giving, it is a one sided relationship.  If you keep giving the person a gift, or their child a gift.....and they can NEVER....acknowledge you, buy you a starbucks gift card,do anything at ALL FOR YOU.......anything to recepricate .........then it is time to STOP!!!

I learned through the grapevine, the same people my husband and I were helping, were at their house calling us "STUPID" and laughing at us, as they were "USING" us all along.  This may not apply to the poster but I thought this might help someone else to hear my story.

[Lindsays Grandma]

Do what makes you feel good.  The little boy doesn't say thank you, well maybe you can't blame him for that.  Do you personally hand him the envelope with the card  and money inside of it?  It is a tough call but if it is going to make you feel bad for not giving him a gift than give him one but reduce the amount of money to ten dollars.  Thirty dollars is a lot of money to give to a neighbor's child you don't have a close friendship with.

Again, do what you feel you should do, not what others tell you to do.  The decision has to be yours and yours alone.  Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

[stevieb]

It's completely possible, as the OP and others have noted, that the family is uncomfortable with gifts consistently given. Even when the gift is given as a 'reward' for help or for some kind or helpful thing they've done, some folks don't want to be perceived as doing a favor because they're seeking anything in return. I know people who have been flat out told gifts given at the holidays, etc., are too much and the recipient feels uncomfortable with them. I'm not suggesting this to be the case here, but some also attribute gifts as an effort to 'buy' friendship or as a way to 'show off'.

[debic]

IMO either give the boy money and a card or nothing.   Forget about his parents.

I would never give candy, cookies to a child without getting an ok from the parents first.  Same with gift cards to a fast food place.  Nor the dollar store for obvious reasons. 

[Sooner]

If you expect something in return, it doesn't qualify as a "gift."

[blackhole99]

 If parting with 30 dollars doesn't hurt you, I would continue with the gift. Maybe one day you will need a favor, it doesn't hurt to have someone who is kind of beholding to you. Young people today unless they have been taught by their parents how important it is to send a thank you note for a gift, will not think about sending one. We actually were taught in elementary school how to write a thank you note. I doubt if that's happening today. I was in elementary school in the 50's though.

[panda1234]

@blackhole99

Penmanship isn't even taught in school any more let alone skills to write a thank you note.

[spot555]

No way would I give any other gifts. Mind you, the child's parents should be teaching the child gratitude, & to always give thanks. 

You've certainly never had to give the child a gift- you did it out of the goodness of your heart. But I don't believe in rewarding bad behavior....EVER. That goes for both the parents and the child. 

Recently my teenage niece sent me a "thank you" text for a gift I sent her, & that ticked me off. That's like saying, I know I HAVE to thank you, but I don't want to call. In another year she'll turn 18, & that will be her last gift from me. 

Attitude of gratitude.