Re: Would you get this neighbor kid a bday gift?

Tootie15 · ‎12-17-2012

I say no. You should have no guilt and don't owe anyone an explanation. You say that you don't talk with your neighbors, that they seem to only come around when they need something, you don't really get a thank-you and now that his birthday is approaching, they are being somewhat friendly. Those would be red flags to me that they are just using you and expecting a gift. Don't feel bad about stopping. Did the father feel bad when he stopped plowing out your driveway?

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

This is simply not a complicated situation--you are neither "friendly" nor "social" with these neighbors, and it is time to stop gifting..........and not feel guilty. Invite the child over for a birthday cupcake!

Wiscfan3 · ‎05-28-2015

I am impressed that you even remember when a neighbor's birthday is!! I would say no, for all the reasons you listed, especially never getting a real thank you from the boy. It has been a lovely thing to do, especially when he was young, but I think this would be a good time to just stop. In the future if he watches any pets, mows for you, waters your garden when you are on vacation, or whatever you could always give him a few bucks then. My son made money by doing that kind of stuff for a neighbor, but he never expected the neighbor to remember him on his birthday.

kelsey17 · ‎04-10-2012

I think if i was in your position.......i would prob think about stopping giving the $$$.......but in the end...i think i would do as another poster wrote ....i would prob give a card and lessen the amount to maybe $20 or $15.............this way you won't feel bad....and it will cost you less......i often say to myself ......"would I FEEL BETTER giving the $$$ or would it bother me more if I DIDN'T......".......whatever you do...do it for yourself....for how YOU will feel.............if you give the money...it is gone...don't expect anything...write it off as a feel good for yourself....... my husband has also said at times i shouldn't give something to someone......i do what makes me feel right...

Mj12 · ‎03-09-2010

@CouponQueen wrote:
If you cannot afford the gift then I can see stopping but he is a little boy and parents today do not teach manners.
I would limit the gift to twenty bucks. I can tell you feel badly to stop.

Is the twenty bucks going to make a difference in your budget, I would stop. If not I would give the kid a gift since you have all along. He is eight - how would he know why you stopped?

Sure they do.

msh8970 · ‎02-06-2017

@akdld wrote:
Absolutly no. A neighbor kid you realy have nothing to do with???. What is next, the mail man, Hair Dresser , UPS man, .......and the list goes on. I would never even have started that with the neighbor kid. And did you ever think about that maybe the parents of that child don't like it when you give a card and money ? Maybe thats uncomfortable for them . It is okay to be friendly with neighbors, but when money is involved , thats were it stops for me. And if they are fine financially, they dont need your money. No, I would not give anything anymore.

(I underlined and bold-highlighted the part I thought was to take note of)

This is a very interesting and VERY possible theory.. it would explain why they never have company, etc, and why they say a very curt 'thank you' and practically slam the door in my face when I do give a gift (we do little treat bags to give the kid and take the treat bags over for Halloween). Maybe they genuinely do not want to be bothered, and maybe they are uncomfortable.

Yes, it might be true that the child is not taught manners (guess it is not hard to see, given the parents apparently have no manners). And yes it is kind of sad that the child is growing up not socializing or having company. But that is not my concern. I am thinking it is best to stay away. I do feel sorry for the child, but, it is what it is. At the end of the day, his situation is none of my business.

All of the replies are excellent and considered and all excellent viewpoints. But the notion that the parents are just plain uncomfortable with it, is making total sense. Now I feel like a ton of bricks falling on my head..lol

I seriously doubt the topic will come up with the neighbors or the kid, but if some strange reason they mention it, I will just say "Oh I'm sorry I totally forgot--happy birthday!!" and let it go at that. Simply wish the kid a happy birthday and smile and walk away. And not feel guilty. Yes he is just a child but as a few others have mentioned, he is old enough now to walk over himself (or with the parent/s) and say a little "thank you".

But yeah...I agree, time to stop, no explanation or anything. No smaller gifts and no card, nothing. Done. Life goes on.

Thanks, everyone, so many thoughtful, well-meaning replies

AnikaBrodie · ‎03-10-2010

@msh8970

Since you have a pattern of gifting on this young boy's birthday, I would suggest that instead of money you give him a gift card for a minimal amount. McDonalds has a gift card starting at $5.00 and most kids still love McDonalds. I'm sure he would enjoy this at age 8. The amount would depend on your finances and what you can afford.

"Faith, Hope, Love; the greatest of these is Love." ~The Silver Fox~

CANDLEQUEEN · ‎03-09-2010

I am really torn by this one. In some respects, I think it is not the little boys fault that his parents didn't teach him better manners, and why should he suffer because of it? Then on the other hand, since you don't have a relationship with them anyway why keep at it?It is a tough call.. Good luck with your decision....Can you say why you started giving him a gift to begin with?

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I don't see a problem here. You set the $30 bday present precedent and I find that odd, considering that you have no relationship with them. But, it made you happy. You obviously expected some type of big thank you or perhaps you hoped that the present was an "in" and a friendship would develop. After the first year, you should have known that was not going to happen. It's possible that the father stopped plowing your driveway because you didn't offer any type of payment. Or perhaps he thought that you didn't say thank you in the way that he wanted. At any rate, that's all irrelevant. Don't give the kid anymore bday presents. You don't want to, so stop. It's just not a big deal.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@tansy wrote:
How about a birthday card with $20 enclosed?

@msh8970 This would be my choice... Then, maybe next year a ten dollar bill. Phasing it out completely over the next few years, especially if the 'friendship' doesn't evolve. To an 8 year old, a card alone is really pretty meaningless. You can't change things now, but, to me, you started out kind of high for a neighborhood kid... It was kind of you...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...