Among Friends

[NYC Susan]

No, I would not be upset if I didn't like the dress my daughter chose.  How it looks to anyone else (including me or my friends!) is completely beside the point.  She's the bride, and it's her choice.  This bride is clearly an adult and old enough to make her own choices, so she can wear whatever she wants..

IMO your friend is foolish if she makes a big deal about this.  Great way to cement her reputation as a cranky, meddling mother and MIL!  Instead, she should be glad that her daughter has found happiness, is getting married, and looking forward to a bright future.  

With all of the sad and horrible things that happen in life, we should be embracing the good things.  Not being picky about things that don't really matter.  Your friend should get out of her own head, and enjoy this wonderful occasion.  May the bride and groom have a beautiful wedding day, and a long and happy life together! 

[NYC Susan]

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@jeanlake wrote:

Our grown children aren't traditionalists. Give them the gift of freedom. They'll reward you by continuing to visit you and speak to you.  

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Exactly.

Is this the hill she wants to die on?  The color of a wedding dress?  The daughter is 35, certainly old enough to be able to have what she wants without getting grief from her mother..  It's just one day.  And completely harmless.  I have a mother who is always tactful and sweet, and I had a MIL who was super-critical.  Guess which one we always gravitated toward?

[NYC Susan]

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@SeaMaiden wrote:

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@chrystaltree wrote:

 Would you be upset if your 35 year old daughter chose to get married in a traditional wedding dress...but the color is royal  blue?  I've seen pictures of the dress and it looks lovely.  Very bridal.  Just a very different color for a bride.    My friend is seething and while I have cautioned her about saying anything that will upset her daughter....I think she will.  The bride is 35, the groom 40 and it will be a small wedding and reception in the function room of a local restaurant that does weddings.  The couple has been dating for 3 years and she's happy (she says)  that they are getting married.  She just can't get over that dress.      

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@chrystaltree  She is 35...what color do you expect the dress to be? 

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That was my thought too.  Some people would be pretty critical of a 35 year old bride who chose to wear white.  Just more reason that she should wear what she wants.  There will be no pleasing everyone, so she should wear whatever makes her happy.

(I went to a wedding last year, and the bride - who was young - wore a blue ball gown.  It went perfectly with the flowers and decor, and she looked beautiful.)

[NYC Susan]

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@AuntG wrote:

At that age, I'd tell my daughter wear whatever she wanted. If you haven't raised her to think independently, that would be of greater concern.

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Good point.  I agree.  I'd be concerned about a 35 year old bride who gave up the wedding dress she wanted because her mother kicked up a fuss.

[NYC Susan]

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@Tangocash wrote:

Another, of many reasons, why I chose not to have kids. I never have to deal with issues like this! I'm so happy!

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I'm not sure I understand this.  How is it a reason not to have kids?  It's the mother who is being difficult, not the "kid".   It's only an issue because the mother is choosing to make it an issue.  For me (and apparently for everyone who has posted here), these kinds of things are not issues at all.

[NYC Susan]

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@chiclets wrote:

Her wedding, her dress and the color she wants.

Mom needs to realize her daughter is 35, and adult, and does not need her approval.

Mom may be disappointed, upset and wondering what everyone may say. It probably is not the image she pictured her daughter in as a bride.

I attended a wedding where the bride wore red. It was a shock to many but the bride had the full attention of everyone during the wedding!

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She should be more interested in her daughter's happiness than in what other people might say.  Her priority should be her daughter, not what might or might not be thought or said by other people.

(I realize you're not endorsing this as a valid reason, and that you're just speculating.)

It seems that this mother wants what she wants, and thinks she know what's best.  Odds are the daughter is already well-aware of this.  Hopefully she has learned long ago to follow her own heart.

[jubilant]

There are some traditions that are meant to be broken.  More importantly, it's the daughters wedding and I think mother should keep her opinion to herself if not asked for it.

[SuhseK]

No, of course not. 

The daughter is 35, and, I'd hope, quite capable of making her own decisions. 

Mom just be happy for her!

[MLM21]

I loved my wedding dress.  When I do look at photo of it now (I rented it).  I think it was nice for the time period (1996). But now it looks very dated.  The same of the pale color dress on page 3 I think it is.  The dress and the color looks dated to me now.  Never mind in 10 years.  

There is a 50/50 shot in 10/20/30 years if she still has the dress (or rented it) she will either still love the dress or hate it.   I think most women if they bought the dress will have it in the back of the closest wasting space.

[magicmoodz]

I'm curious...

If the bride wore a 46G bra and chose a skimpy strapless dress with much of her assets in view would everyone still feel the same? Bride's wedding, bride's choice. 

We don't know if the bride's mother is paying for the wedding. If she is, I do think she might be able to offer alternative suggestions. If it were me? I am not so sure I could keep my mouth shut because I HATE the color royal blue.🤐☹️