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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,059
Registered: ‎12-05-2012

@x Hedge wrote:

Oh, @Allegheny,  I apologize sincerely.

Over and over, I have been coming across as too direct, sharp, and abrasive and it's been that way for a few weeks. I certainly dont set out to write a post that will have that impact.

 

I have reduced my posting dramatically in last few weeks, and yet I still seem to be offending people with nearly every thing I write. Again, I'm sorry.

 

@I also owe an apology to @kcladyz. My post was atrocious, and I'm sorry.


I admire you for being upfront and gracious in your aplology.  It is not easy! 

Kudos 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,122
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Yes it would bother me. It was insensitive not to extend an invite to you and DH.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,362
Registered: ‎07-09-2011

Re: Would this bother you

[ Edited ]

@x Hedge wrote:

Oh, @Allegheny,  I apologize sincerely.

Over and over, I have been coming across as too direct, sharp, and abrasive and it's been that way for a few weeks. I certainly dont set out to write a post that will have that impact.

 

I have reduced my posting dramatically in last few weeks, and yet I still seem to be offending people with nearly every thing I write. Again, I'm sorry.

 

@I also owe an apology to @kcladyz. My post was atrocious, and I'm sorry.


@x Hedge

 

I know you to be a kind thoughtful poster.  I'm sending you good wishes and hoping you are not having any stress, or over work.  Both can make me sharper than my usual truthful self.Smiley Happy  (((HUG)))

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,091
Registered: ‎08-28-2010

@ Montana wrote:

@Allegheny first of all, you are entitled to your feelings. If you are hurt or annoyed, I feel that is ok. That said, I find it odd if your brother never mentioned this get together to you. I think a straight forward discussion with him will clear things up for you. At least you will know for sure what he was thinking.


The get together was mentioned.  Allegheny stated in one of posts that they (brother and girlfriend) had been discussing during the week.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,329
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@x Hedge, do you find yourself being somewhat abrasive in you real life interactions? I saw that you apologized to the OP, so I believe you are a kind person, yet I wonder if the anonymity of these boards causes you to be harsher than you intend. I sometimes say things out here that I would not say face to face. I know other people like that too.☺

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010
This is a birthday party for his girlfriend's daughter. He probably didn't even think of you attending since it sounds like it will be mostly her peer group....I would not take it as a personal slight.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,740
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

I haven't read all the replies, but will share that I live next door to my mother (widow).

 

She is always invited to things here (she doesn't do the entertaining anymore). She usually comes, unless we are having a lot of DH's family, and she feels it is their time and stays away.

 

Sometimes my only brother comes up and spends time to take her to lunch, and I'm rarely invited (we only see him a hand full of times a year total).

 

I honestly appreciate a little time where we can be independent of each other, have a bit of a separate social life, and I let it roll when I'm not invited or we leave her out. She says she feels the same way.

 

I used to be a bit put off when not invited to be with her and my brother as we are all that is left of our family, but I've gotten past it and actually prefer it that way sometimes. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Would this bother you

[ Edited ]

It wouldn't bother me.  I think an important part of living so close together is respecting each other's life and privacy.  It's not necessary, IMO, for you to invite each other to every gathering that's held in your homes.  I think you both should have complete freedom to have people over (for coffee, lunch, a party, whatever) without being made to feel awkward about excluding the other.  

 

As long as I wasn't shut out entirely from everything, I wouldn't give it a second thought.  Especially in this case when it was mostly his girlfriend's family.  Maybe the 22 y.o. daughter decided who she wanted to be there.   With no offense meant to you at all.

 

Personally, I would be happy to not be invited to every single event in his home because that means I can have friends over for an afternoon or a cocktail party with my closest cousins without having to worry that my brother or his girlfriend might feel left out.  I would rather set the precedent that it's okay to not include each other every single time guests are invited for whatever reason.  In the same situation, I probably would have had a conversation about it years ago, from the start, just to take the pressure off all the way around and spare hurt feelings and confusion later on.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

@tansy wrote:

I might be hurt for a nanosecond but shake it off.  

 

I sure wouldn’t casually drop in as a few have suggested.


 

I absolutely wouldn't do that either.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,490
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Yes.

 

Is there any reason your brother or his girlfriend wouldn't want  you or your husband included?

 

If not, then it must be either not wanting you to feel obligated to buy a gift for his girlfriend's daughter or a miss-communication.

Surely, he will be asked why you aren't there and if he thinks you were invited by him or his girlfriend and you didn't even to stop by, he may be as bothered as you are.

 

Ordinarily, I wouldn't advise mentioning it but in this case where it could all be a misunderstanding, I think you should.

 

You might begin by asking how it went. His response should let you know where to go from there.