Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,895
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

I am a little bothered but not overly, but I want to ask others how they would feel.


My brother is our only neighbor.  Thirty years back he and I bought property, divided it and each built homes.  We all get along fine, share driveway maintenance expenses, do favors for each other, etc. etc.


Today he and his long time, live in girlfriend are having a gathering for the 4th and also celebrating her 22 year old daughters birthday.  While most of the people invited are his girlfriend's family; I recognize cars of some of his buddies, his ex-MIL, my nephew/his wife.


For many years we have celebrated holidays with DH's family, but due to age and distance for several years we now stay home.  My brother is aware of this. 


I can't help feeling a little hurt by not getting a casual invite to stop up.

Certainily I'll shortly recover, but just wondering if I should even be thinking this way.



Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,100
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

It is possible that he just assumes you will pop over if you want to. Since you do things together and get along really well he may feel you don't need an invite you should just know you are invited.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,766
Registered: ‎06-03-2010

@Allegheny  I would probably feel a little hurt too, but it sounds like it's more for her side of the family and the live-in girlfriend may have set the invite list. 


Now if they come over and ask to borrow something during this party, then I would feel slighted!


Try not to let it upset you, maybe it is more about a party for the 22 year old and the guests will be most of her friends and they thought you might feel out of place.    

......You look like I need a drink.....
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,230
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I can understand how you feel.  I would definitely expect that you would be invited.   Or, if nothing else, maybe your brother might have said something to you, when they were planning it, to feel you out as far as if you would like to attend.   I would think you deserve that consideration.


I can see how, initially, it might have looked more like it was a thing with HER family but since that doesn't seem to be the case it looks more like a thing to which they would be inviting everybody.


As me, however, I'd probably be glad because I don't really do social affairs anymore and enjoy more being alone.   

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,574
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I think my feelings would be hurt......especially since you live so close to each other....does he know you are home today?


Although I will say that my husbands daughter lives around the corner from us....(just recently relocated). we get along ok.....but I would not want to feel obligated to invite her everytime we had a get together....

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,534
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I'd be slightly annoyed, just like you are @Allegheny. Of course he should have mentioned that you were welcome to stop over. I wonder if he assumed you knew that and that's why you weren't formally asked.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,231
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

@Allegheny, I understand why you have hurt feelings.  It might be understood that you are always invited; or, maybe they just have a different plan for today.  I know how tricky it can be, but I always feel that something like this lets you off the hook for when you have your next get-together with family and friends.  If your brother does approach you and ask why you didn't join them, let him know why.  If he doesn't, then parties are just for the invited and that is ok, too.  Either way, just try to enjoy the day.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,525
Registered: ‎08-18-2016

Re: Would this bother you

[ Edited ]


 "Would this bother you? 



It's a national hoiday and her Birthday Party!

And what are you doing?

Checking the guest list and keeping score by identifying whose car you can see over there. 


Go out, take a drive, see a movie, get a pizza. 

And resist the urge to ask him why you weren't invited.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,976
Registered: ‎05-12-2012

@AuntG wrote:

I'd be slightly annoyed, just like you are @Allegheny. Of course he should have mentioned that you were welcome to stop over. I wonder if he assumed you knew that and that's why you weren't formally asked.

i don't think anything should be "assumed."  especially an invite....

Honored Contributor
Posts: 29,276
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

It would bother me too if I knew many of the people coming.  


I would think it would be nice to be at least invited.  I mean it would only be two additional people (I assume).  What difference does that make?


I assume everyone gets along?  This is going to have to be one of those (the day will be over soon kinda thing).


I know this is probably not popular but I'm the kind of person (if it's the way the OP said) would go over with something wonderful, introduce myself and see what happens.


Perhaps he just figured (like some have said) you'd just come over anyway.


What you didn't say (or I missed) have you both (in the past) specifically invited each other kinda like, "I'm have a get together (time/date, etc) and I'd REALLY like you to come....bla bla".


My guess is in the past it's just kinda been assumed each of you would drop in.