Among Friends

[qualitygal]

If you had to advise someone today, about getting married, how long would you advise them to take to first get to know each other.

Ann Landers, years ago, always use to say "give it a year" so you could see all moods and situations and how the other handled it. I know things are really different now from then on how some do it now, I think even a year and you might not see all the circumstances you might go through. 

How long do you think it takes to really get to know someone you might marry?

[AngelPuppy1]

I think a year is pretty good advice --- then and now.  But you never really know someone until you are living with them day in and day out.  Plus, its sad to say, but some people don't show their true colors until after they are married no matter long they took for the process.  I know of some people who took their time, lived together and then got married.  Everything was fine, until they married and then, things unraveled.  It was as if, the one felt now that the other was "hooked" so to speak, they didn't have to try any more and they also revealed their true personality and everything fell apart.  

I knew my husband for only a few months before we got married.  It was trying at first --- I won't sugarcoat it!  We had to learn a lot of things about each other, but we cared enough to work things out and we are as happy as can be!!!  

So --- I really don't know what the answer is.  I think its good to take things a little slow, but ultimately, a person just has to use their brain as well as their heart!  If a bunch of red flags go off right at the start, then pay attention to them!  

[drizzellla]

On our first date I knew my "now husband" was a keeper.

We dated for several years. I was in no hurry to marry because we were having such a good time dating. I was afraid getting married would change the relationship - not for the better. But we finally decided to take the plunge and we still enjoy each others company.

I have no idea about the best length of time. I was in several long term relationships. And even after a few years of dating  - I was disappointed how things worked out. And I thought I knew them well. 

[Vivian]

I'd say two years. During the first year, most are on their best behavior. During the second year, people slip into their normal selves.

[Pook]

I would just stay out of it.  It is something that depends on the 2 individuals and what works for one couple won't be the same for others.  No matter how long or how soon one gets married it is still a lot of work to sustain any relationship.

[Libbylady]

Having met & married within 6 months, I wouldn't advise anyone! 

It doesn't sound like a "good plan", but we are in year 49.

[CAcableGirl2]

As a friend of mine says, you are dating the "representative" and once married, you get to see the real person.  It all depends on the person, and a lot of the times, if you are looking to see how a man will treat his wife, look at how he treats his mother.  

[gmkb]

I think the length of time dating is only one of the criteria for success.  I would pay attention to all red flags such as does he like his mother, does he have a job, like children, good hygiene, willing to spend money and not just stay home and watch movies dates, never tardy.  Is he respectful of you with his friends, is he still in college boy mode or is he mature in his behavior, has he ever lied to you, put a hand on you, insulted you.  The list goes on and on, but you get the idea.

[Puzzle Piece]

Lots of variables in marriages.  Health, finances, losses, challenges, obstacles, etc.  Some marriages run their courses after a few years.  Some last a lifetime.  No guarantees. 

[ROMARY]

Dare I say that I've seen a couple of situations where the men walked on eggshells around their moms, were the best sons; yet, not so much with their dates/girlfriends. Somewhat opposite personalities. Sort of 'when the cat's away, the mice will play'. (Or maybe 'when mom's away, I can be my true self').  ........  Just thought I'd throw that into the mix.   Interesting, to say the least, though.