Why would she do this ???? - Page 10

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

I was just catching up on posts and saw this one. It’s clear that Mama has an issue with her son getting married; otherwise, she wd have said, “Oops. Sorry” and returned her green dress. Such situations are a very good justification for elopement. The families of the couple all too often cause unnecessary trouble.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@mom2four0418

@mom2four0418 wrote:
@dex wrote:
@mom2four0418 @But weren’t they young when the relationship started?
I don't know if they were. You referenced "today’s young women."

I have been talking with younger women at a few parties and they seem to think it is not a good idea for their bf to have a good relationship with his mom.One told me that he was too close to his mom and she was n ipping that in the bud.I thought that his mom raised him to be the person she loved so why would you not like his mom.My son dated a couple of women who thought similarly and often involved him in their family events but discouraged him from ours...I didn’t say anything but it really hurts.Fast forward to the woman he married who is the most kind and beautiful soul.She loves us because we are his family.They visited us in the summer and we visited them at Christmas.We stayed three weeks due flight difficulties so I apologized for staying so long and she told me that we could stay as long as we wanted and were always welcome.I can’t tell you how wonderful that feels.I really love that girl.Of course she treats my son very well and he is equally good and loving to her so what could be better...they treat the whole blended family well.I would never want to offend or upset her and I have told her that anytime she thinks I am interfering or overstepping or whatever the problem to please let me know so that I can correct it.

mintedrose · ‎03-04-2017

@dex Its so nice to hear that you had a positive experience with your dil and love her so much. She probably genuinely loves you too. Heres the problem, its when others put labels on 'younger women' and generalise their behavior as all being the same way which is just not true.

Look, Im on of those 'younger women'. I wanted a good if not awesome relationship w my mil because i saw and heard about how much tension and frustration it builds up in the couple's lives for years and years. I felt very lucky when i met my in laws and really enjoyed my time with them. I loved their company. But i was also noticing that the mil was slowly trying to create something between us. She complained a lot about not visiting enough and no one taking care of her. It was mad because everyone felt like she was crying crocodile tears over nothing. She has a very good life and nothing to complain about but she always does. Then it started to come at me slowly about little things like not being the motivator for my husband to exercise. In the beginning i would laugh it off and i didnt want it to be a big deal but Over time it really built up among other things that i just shake it off. She also treats me different around her other dil whom she's afraid of and i just dont understand that. I wont get into it here on this thread but you see, some younger women DO want a good loving relationship with their mil but the mil really needs to understand certain relationship boundaries and be honestly loving towards the dil too. The love and care, It cant be fake and obligatory because women can sense that. Im so glad you experiece that and you made her aware that you are open to acknowlege your mistakes if any. Effective Communication! I hope you keep a good relationship with yours and create a bond. Hopefully, it will give others a good story to hear about.

So my take on it is that these 'younger women' are probably have heard and known about mil issues and are just preparing early on in the marriage in case mil overstepping boundaries and thats why they do what they do. I personally dont think its right by any means to cut off the husband from his family, because thats just not fair to him. He needs a healhty relationship with them. Its gotta be fair and genuine and loving otherwise it means nothing.

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@mintedrose @I think if you give your mil the chance to understand you and your feelings you might be able to develop the realationsgip ship that you want.I know that none of us is perfect and nobody knows you like you so if you don’t speak up about things that are troubling you ,the offender might be totally unaware.I know that I never set out to hurt or offend but sometimes circumstances are misunderstood and if nothing is said and hurt feelings aren’t expressed then it isn’t my fault for not living up to the expectation.....it can only be resolved if I am made aware there are hurt feelings.My dil knows this is very important to me.She is also respectful of my feelings too.I am a very fortunate mil.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

It is a woman who is making a statement to the world that her son will put her first and life in his marriage will be HER way and not his new wife's way.

She WILL force her son to make a choice, to take sides, and to take the beatings. If it isn't over this, it will be the next thing down the road and the next and the next.

There is absolutely no other reason for her not to defer to her future daughter-in-law about HER and her son's wedding. What is getting a dress in a color the girl likes going to hurt her? Nada, nothing zip. She's going to cry and whine and poor me so that all the attention will be on her, not the bride.

Been there, done that and SEEN it done! One woman was so adept at it that her son's marriage didn't make it 6 months.

When you see this going on, think: Would this hurt or inconvenience the woman in any way? If you can't think of one, it is a pure and simple power play.

No, I didn't have time to read all responses, but in situations like this, this is my take on it.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@Sooner I SO agree with you. If it isn't one thing, she'll find another. Hope the spouse realizes ther's three in the marriage, not two.

I put my foot down and said "Either GO home to her or stay with me. DECIDE now!!!".

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@ECBG wrote:
@Sooner I SO agree with you. If it isn't one thing, she'll find another. Hope the spouse realizes ther's three in the marriage, not two.

I put my foot down and said "Either GO home to her or stay with me. DECIDE now!!!".

And this is exactly why the saying "A daughter is a daugher all her life, a son is a son UNTIL HE TAKES A WIFE" exists.

Son needs to put HIS foot down with mom, and let her know in no uncertain terms, that his WIFE is now #1 in his life, and Mom has to accept that.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

That's way too much drama. It's a stupid dress after all - if the bride cares that much, coordinate the bridesmaid dresses with that of groom's mom.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@AuntG wrote:
That's way too much drama. It's a stupid dress after all - if the bride cares that much, coordinate the bridesmaid dresses with that of groom's mom.

@AuntG Silly me. I thought it was the bride's wedding. . .