Why does DH do this? - Page 4

deeva · ‎03-09-2010

@mintedrose wrote:

His appointment was scheduled today, he was supposed to go after he got done meeting up with his dad. Well, guess what, now he's over their house fixing their printer and God know what else. I reminded him again that his appointment is later today but he thought he missed it already. My goodness. Is it just me? What is up with men these days?

It’s not men, it’s your man.

If you dropped dead tomorrow, he’d figure out how to make and keep appointments.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

I am not my husband's mommy, but I am his wife. If for some reason he has a hang-up about appointments and I could help out there and get him there, I'd do it.

We are a team, and both of us have faults and both of us need help from the other. So, it's always a trade off, and it's always what is best for both of us--what propels us forward doing what we need to do.

It takes both of us. So, I weigh everything in light of what this team does and what we contribute. If it were very uneven and I was holding up everything I would have a problem with that if he were able to do more.

But it's all a judgment call. If I could spend time and effort and it would keep him from losing eyesight, I'd do it. No matter what. It would never be worth letting someone damage their eyes because I didn't want to nag him to the doctor. I cannot find greater glory in that.

mintedrose · ‎03-04-2017

@Sooner Thank you! its precisely because of that reason why i try to help him. I dont wanna be his mom neither am i trying to be. however, i know how much he'd go out of his way to take care of me if i needed help. I do it out of my heart because i care. His mom apparently didnt make him very independent from the beginning and thats due to her own control issues.

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop

wonderfulworld · ‎12-05-2012

I am surprised that he is not billed for failing to show. That is the trend. These offices are busy and will only tolerate this for so long before they will send him a dismissal letter.

Is he forgetful in other areas of his life? I would be concerned if my husband acted this way.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@Hckynut . @mintedrose

See post #

ITA

Many People, not just males, will take as much advantage of you as you allow.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

Catiele · ‎08-20-2012

My husband is the opposite. He gets things done. He reminds me of appointments coming up. He likes to check the calendar. I have been known to forget.

wonderfulworld · ‎12-05-2012

@Sooner wrote:
I am not my husband's mommy, but I am his wife. If for some reason he has a hang-up about appointments and I could help out there and get him there, I'd do it.

We are a team, and both of us have faults and both of us need help from the other. So, it's always a trade off, and it's always what is best for both of us--what propels us forward doing what we need to do.

It takes both of us. So, I weigh everything in light of what this team does and what we contribute. If it were very uneven and I was holding up everything I would have a problem with that if he were able to do more.

But it's all a judgment call. If I could spend time and effort and it would keep him from losing eyesight, I'd do it. No matter what. It would never be worth letting someone damage their eyes because I didn't want to nag him to the doctor. I cannot find greater glory in that.

I would not just let it go either. This is a serious concern and your comments about how you work as a team are impressive and show concern and caring. Good for you!

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

I agree with the others....Why does DH do this ....because he knows you will take over and "make it all better". Not to mention it sounds like he is standing people up, which, imo, is very inconsiderate.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@mintedrose wrote:
I love my DH but sometimes i just wanna strangle him. He never makes his own appointments, whether its for eyes, teeth, general stuff. I know he has a busy schedule and in the past Ive had to schedule them all but now im just fed up with it. I literally have to remind him like a child every few hours or he'll make up an excuse.

He's missed his eyes appointment 3 times now and ive had to cancel and reschedule numerous times because of his schedule or he'll have something else he gets busy with. The problem is he wears contacts and he's run out of them a month ago so he's been stretching them out which is irritating his eyes. Ive been on his case to go to his eye doctor. He says he cant because of schedule. So I end up asking them for a pair of extra contacts for him which can last an extra month hoping he can find time in a month.

His appointment was scheduled today, he was supposed to go after he got done meeting up with his dad. Well, guess what, now he's over their house fixing their printer and God know what else. I reminded him again that his appointment is later today but he thought he missed it already. My goodness. Is it just me? What is up with men these days?

It has nothing to do with "men these days". All men are not alike. They never have been, and never will be. Some are more self-sufficient, organized, and responsible than others. Generalizing about all men is really unfair. In my experience, the vast majority of men handle this kind of thing on their own without a problem.

My feeling is that he's an adult, and you're not his mother. I can understand helping out a busy husband and scheduling an appointment, but certainly not scheduling and rescheduling, reminding him over and over, etc. Unless he has some kind of disability that precludes him from scheduling his own appointments, he's perfectly capable of doing it himself. There's no way that I would put in so much time and energy, and then have to nag him to go.

Maybe if you stopped doing so much for him he would do it on his own. Every marriage is different and only you can decide what works for yours.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@mintedrose wrote:
@Sooner Thank you! its precisely because of that reason why i try to help him. I dont wanna be his mom neither am i trying to be. however, i know how much he'd go out of his way to take care of me if i needed help. I do it out of my heart because i care. His mom apparently didnt make him very independent from the beginning and thats due to her own control issues.

This post sounds like you're okay with the Status Quo, so I don't get the original post. That post sounded like you were fed up with him. With this post, you take a swipe at his mother. I guess that's a whole other underlying issue.

Your husband is the husband you have because of you. It's not all men, it's not even his mother. It is the dynamic you two have developed during the course of marriage. The appt scheduling happens because (your words) "I do it out of my heart because I care" and he knows it.