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Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,753
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

You can not be bullied, controlled or manipulated unless YOU allow it to happen to you.So just don't. One huge advantage I have had in life , was growing up with brothers.I had to be strong or I would have gone under right from the start. If we went to our Mom & said So & so did something - her answer was always the same - Stand up for yourself, or Well, don't just let him, & my all time favorite - Well, hit him back. As soon as someone finds out you aren't their doormat it is amazing how quickly they leave you alone.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,344
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, they will still find a way to get under your skin.

 

 

You try to be nice, and they see it as a weakness.

 

 

You try to stand up for yourself, and they see it as a challenge.

 

 

You try to ignore, and they up the harassment, until you do break, because everybody has a breaking point, before you snap, and then they gloat that they got you to react.

 

You can try to ignore to the best of your abilities, but that does NOT give them a free pass to continually harass someone, and they will continue to harass until the person breaks.

 

 

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*Pastor Neimoller
Valued Contributor
Posts: 849
Registered: ‎09-18-2010

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

@Ccassaday...You hit the nail on the head when you said it all starts with management. Of course, some of the management is women and they are just as bad. How some got into mgmt I'll never know.

As far as management. My husband has a job where he has to periodically work nights. Everyone does where he works, and one of his co workers was a woman. SHE never had to work nights. The men would get so aggravated. She was geting same pay, just never had to work nights. One of the guys went to the boss, who told him, that she was taking care of her elderly mother at night, and that is why. She also couldn't work over time because of taking care of her mom. Well. I was out shopping when they were working all this overtime, that K couldn't work because she had to be with her elderly mom. And guess who I ran into at a clothing store...K.

And she was making enough to hire someone to take care of the elderly mother at night, if there even was an elderly mother.

K finally is gone, went on short term disability and retired.

People should be treated the same. But, there will always be favorites and ppl who will sleep around for that matter.

Anyway, @Ccassaday you are absolutely correct and I'm sorry you had a crappy boss, it doesn't sound like they should have been in a supervisory position. Because that is no way to hand people, to tell you not to worry what others think. If it was the bosses daughter, would they be saying that?

 

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,665
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

About 11 years ago, I was one of the first employees in my department (of mostly women) to have a telecommuting agreement.  Because it was new and not everyone was allowed the opportunity, I kept it to myself unless someone asked why I wasn't in the office.  I didn't want to brag about it as it was a perk.  The only people who knew were my boss, who had to sign the agreement (a woman) and the manager who had to sign my timesheets (a man).

 

About 6 months in, my boss called me asking me how much longer I had on my telecommuting agreement.  I said 6 more months.  She said that it would not be renewed and that she wasn't supposed to authorize it.  I said fine.  She left the company 5 months later and not only was it not renewed, but I continued working from home on a much more flexible schedule, working from home sometimes two weeks at a stretch.

 

I found out months later that 2 female managers in my office were the ones to "tattle" on me to my manager's boss.  They didn't know I had a telecommuting agreement, so they went to him to say I was not working and not coming into the office.  So he apparently had a head full of steam about this and called my boss to yell at her about me and that's when she told him that I had a telecommuting agreement.  So he yelled at her for that because she wasn't authorized to do that.

 

She ended up getting terminated soon after that as did one of the tattlers.

 

The other tattler is still in the same position, but now she signs my timesheets.  So I make sure to put very detailed notes about everythign that I do and when I take leave what it is for (in general terms like "doctor appointment").  In a few weeks, she will no longer have to sign my timesheet and I hope to have zero interaction with her after that.

 

Unfortunately for her, she has no one to tattle to anymore as we report to the same manager.  She has no idea that I know what she did back then.

 

I am just lucky that I do not work for her because the day they assign me to her team is the day I cash out my 401k and walk out the door.

 

I can't work for someone I have no respect for.

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# IAMTEAMWEN
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,252
Registered: ‎10-21-2010

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

Oh gosh can totally relate to people who think they are tattling. We had a sign out sheet for lunch. They would go in and complain if someone forgot to sign out or back in. Or if you were one minute late. Onetime there was this big thing over making sure the wall clock was correct. It was so ridiculous.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,614
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

My answer? It pretty much agrees with everybody else: they are bullies. Bullies thrive on having power over others and giving the appearance of having control-at others expense. IMO, they don't love themselves: if they did, they would be secure people.

 

Instead of belittling others if mistakes were made, they would gently correct....

Of course, there is also the possibility they are jealous....

Poodlepet2

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,988
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

There's an old saying in the healthcare industry: Nurses eat their young.  It's just not accurate.  Nurses will eat both young and old.  They're not picky.

 

 

~My philosophy: Dogs are God's most perfect creatures. Angels, here on Earth, who teach us to be better human beings.~
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,228
Registered: ‎10-01-2013

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

@just bee, you are so right.

Having worked in a profession of mostly women for 40 years I saw this happening everyday. Some are jealous, some are insecure, and many are lacking in other areas of their lives.

It can and does make for a difficult work environment.

It is best to ignore it and let it go, but that is not always so easy to do.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,908
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?

It's not just women backstabbing other women, some workplaces are dog-eat-dog and gender doesn't matter.   I've been mentored in the past by some wonderful women and I've tried to mentor younger women  myself.   

 

I don't know your specifics but my only advice is, never give your "enemy" ammunition.   People can be incredible manipulators.   Guard yourself.

 

Don't waste time trying to figure out why others do what they do.  Your time is best used making yourself the best you can be.

 

@Goldengate8361

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,753
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Why are some women so vicious to other women at work?


Plaid Pants2 wrote:

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, they will still find a way to get under your skin.

 

 

You try to be nice, and they see it as a weakness.

 

 

You try to stand up for yourself, and they see it as a challenge.

 

 

You try to ignore, and they up the harassment, until you do break, because everybody has a breaking point, before you snap, and then they gloat that they got you to react.

 

You can try to ignore to the best of your abilities, but that does NOT give them a free pass to continually harass someone, and they will continue to harass until the person breaks.

 

 


I disagree with this - when you stand up to a bully - they back off.

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