Reply
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,664
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???

Karner--I am so sorry.  I'll just ask point blank, I guess.  Can you afford to just move out to a tiny apartment?  Do you have pets to consider?  Just think about it.  My best.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,612
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???


@Lovethesea wrote:

I have to wonder why many of you are married if your husbands are the terrible people that you describe here, and is being in an unhappy marriage and being miserable the reason that you're often so unpleasant, harsh and critical of others on these forums.  


Did you actually read any of the responses?  Who are you talking about?  A few women have described the abuse they were subject to before they left, divorced or stood up to their husbands.

 

Some people ... Male and female do not show their true colors until they are married.  Before marriage thy are sweet and kind.

 

Speaking of being harsh, critical.... Uh, oh never mind

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,086
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???

Actually, your comments to the OP were harsh and critical!

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???

[ Edited ]

@Karnerblue wrote:

Oh, and also I realize that not all husbands are like that.  Oh how I envy people who treat each other in a respectful and caring manner.  Maybe someday I might have that.


 

You won't if you remain trapped in the relationship you are in now. Don't envy others what you don't have, change what you have. Either get counseling with him or leave him, but don't just stay and hope it gets better. That's just not how it works.

What Does An Abusive Relationship Look Like?
 

Does your partner ever….

>    Embarrass you with put-downs?
>    Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
>    Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
>    Push you, slap you, choke you or hit you?
>    Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
>    Control the money in the relationship? Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
>    Make all of the decisions?
>    Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away your children?
>    Prevent you from working or attending school?
>    Act like the abuse is no big deal, deny the abuse or tell you it’s your own fault?
>    Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
>    Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
>    Attempt to force you to drop criminal charges?
>    Threaten to commit suicide, or threaten to kill you?

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. In this section, you’ll find more information on the types of abuse, why people abuse and why it’s so difficult to leave. Don’t hesitate to chat or call us (1-800-799-SAFE) if anything you read raises a red flag about your own relationship or that of someone you know.

 

Source: http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???


@Karnerblue wrote:

Thank you all for your generous and helpful comments.  Please don't worry about me as I'm not in any physical danger.  I'm sorry if I gave that impression.  I'm not afraid for my safety ... I assure you ... my fear comes from having to deal with his anger.  I just hate it when I make someone angry.  My mother was always mad and angry and she always made me feel the same way.  My father was the opposite and he would always take me under his wing and tell me how special I was.  I so miss him.  Even as an adult he was the only person I could go to and talk over my problems.  He does not even know me any more. 

 

Well, as @3cupcakes said, today is a new day and at least when I'm at work I can focus on something else. 

 

Again, I thank you all.  Oh, and I didn't mean to insult men or husbands in general.  As I said earlier, I know there are lovely gentle men and husbands out there.  I've witnessed them. 


 

This is not just about your physical safety, it's about your mental and emotional well-being. If YOU don't value those, of course your husband won't. Once again, abuse is not just about getting hit or physical pain.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,664
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???

Can't we all just agree there are shades of gray in all our relationships?  I know many of my friends would not marry their husband if they had it to do over.  We all just do our best.  To OP, obviously consult an attorney before doing anything concrete, but just think if you could get out of there if you wished.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,752
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???

[ Edited ]

@Lovethesea wrote:

I have to wonder why many of you are married if your husbands are the terrible people that you describe here, and is being in an unhappy marriage and being miserable the reason that you're often so unpleasant, harsh and critical of others on these forums.  


**********************************

 

@Lovethesea

 

Are you trying to tell us that's the reason you are harsh and critical with your post above?

QVC Customer Care
Posts: 2,923
Registered: ‎06-14-2015

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???

This post has been removed by QVC because it contains inappropriate language

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,580
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???

[ Edited ]

I'd find a way out.  I'd not let my DH treat me like this.  I'm his wife, not his child.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: Why Are Husbands So Mean???

If your husband won't go to counseling, which is no surprise that he won't, then you go BY YOURSELF.

 

 Just ask him one question, just one.

 

Ask him, "Are you in love with me?"

 

Not, "Do you love me?", but, "Are you IN LOVE with me?"

 

Because a GOOD husband will be in love with his wife, until death do them part.

 

And when he says "No", like I suspect that he will, then you know that this marriage is dead and not worth salvaging.

 

You are already taking medicine because of this looser.

You are allowing him to "mess" with your head.

 

He does NOT have the right to do that.

 

You can't fix him or this relationship. 

 

You can only fix you.

 

After 30 years, he isn't going to change.

 

 But YOU CAN change.