Among Friends

[hyacinth003]

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@Shanus wrote:

@hyacinth003   Coincidentally, we spent the afternoon yesterday at our attorney's office checking and re-writing our will. When we arrived to the conference room, he had the copyof our will. We have the original in our home safe. 

I remember that you posted here a long time ago about the difficulties you were having settling this estate. I feel so badly that your Dad's passing has caused so many issues for you. You should have been able to grieve with your family and not have all this aggravation.

***I hope the attorneys doing the wrongful death suit are doing it for a percentage (if you win) and not a fee per hour. 

In my personal opinion, all information and documents should be shared with your brother, in an offer of peace. Keeping him in the dark can only cause more issues when and if the lawsuit is settled with or without monetary gain. 

According to my DH, a tax accountant, because of COVID and extending tax return deadlines the last 2 years, the IRS is overwhelmed , impossible to even get a call back on simple questions. Many agents are still working from home without access to documents/letters. He has clients that are waiting since 2020 to get any closure to refunds, notices, etc. 

I hope this is settled in a reasonable amount of time for you. It's been going on way too long. 

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@Shanus 

The lawsuit is on a contingency basis.  They just informed me they are taking the case as there is enough evidence of negligence and wrongful death.  I decided now to tell my brother as I wasn't sure before they would take the case.  I feel it's right to tell him, and ask him if they have original copies of the Will. 

I have been so angered by lack of simple cooperation in handling the Estate. It delayed it and caused me untold stress.  And I KNOW I was lied to.  While getting the tax return prepared, I knew there were funds disbursed and taxed that I couldn't find the origin of.  It delayed me for months investigating it.  Turns out, my dad named my brother beneficiary of some IRA funds as a wedding gift (1997).  So, while alive, my dad got money monthly in a certain account.  Upon his passing, this went to my brother.  MY SIL lied to me repeatedly about knowing NOTHING about any of this.  Of course she knew, because she made the transfer from my dad's account to hers.  It is a lot of money, and they thought I would claim half, since the Will left everything to us equally.

I wouldn't and didn't claim half because my brother was the designated beneficiary.  But I spent countless hours trying to account for all this.  I received a document BY MISTAKE (since I was getting my Dad's mail) about this policy and then I figured out the LIE.

Yes, COVID delayed things for me handling the Estate.

Hyacinth

[CelticCrafter]

Didn't you have to give the original to the probate court?

[patbz]

@hyacinth003 :  I certainly hope you took your fee for acting as Executrix; it is mandated by law and is thousands of dollars( depending on size of estate).  I was Executrix for both of my parents estates and originally was going to forgoe the fee but got a lot of pushback from my brother ( nothing like your mess) so I took the fee and kept my brother in the dark as much as possible.  When all was said and done and brother was presented with a huge check, he was pleasantly surprised and even complimented me on my job of executing the estates.

[GoneButNotForgotten]

We do but we have it in a place where our executors can find it; after we finished it up, we asked our dear neighbors to be our executors and we gave them a key to our house and showed them where it is so they can come and get it when they need it.

That may sound odd but it's going to be kind of complicated and I want someone who will NOT benefit financially in charge. I did leave them some money to pay for their efforts to sort it out because it might get messy and I want them to be compensated for their efforts.

ETA: our attorney has a copy of our will/trust. I think putting it where it can't be found--like a safe deposit box--is a bad idea. What if, God forbid, your loved one dies in the middle of the night, or in an accident or what? Can you call your attorney (if you even know his after-hours or home phone number)?

I'm not being snarky or sarcastic but it just seems to me like a bad idea to place the original of a will/trust where it's hard for the excutors or anyone else to find it.

[beckyb1012]

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@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:

We do but we have it in a place where our executors can find it; after we finished it up, we asked our dear neighbors to be our executors and we gave them a key to our house and showed them where it is so they can come and get it when they need it.

That may sound odd but it's going to be kind of complicated and I want someone who will NOT benefit financially in charge. I did leave them some money to pay for their efforts to sort it out because it might get messy and I want them to be compensated for their efforts.

ETA: our attorney has a copy of our will/trust. I think putting it where it can't be found--like a safe deposit box--is a bad idea. What if, God forbid, your loved one dies in the middle of the night, or in an accident or what? Can you call your attorney (if you even know his after-hours or home phone number)?

I'm not being snarky or sarcastic but it just seems to me like a bad idea to place the original of a will/trust where it's hard for the excutors or anyone else to find it.

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It is a bad ideal.  My original will is locked in my Exectrix's safe at her home along with other Estate planning documents of mine. 

We had one client who came to us about filing a lawsuit.  About year later her hot water heater exploded in her home and she was killed.  Her grown children found evidence that she had been to our office but could not find a will.  They called us and all the other attorney's listed in our city's telephone book to see if she ever had prepared a will.  I felt so bad for that brother and sister.  

[mom2four0418]

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@patbz wrote:

@hyacinth003 :  I certainly hope you took your fee for acting as Executrix; it is mandated by law and is thousands of dollars( depending on size of estate).  I was Executrix for both of my parents estates and originally was going to forgoe the fee but got a lot of pushback from my brother ( nothing like your mess) so I took the fee and kept my brother in the dark as much as possible.  When all was said and done and brother was presented with a huge check, he was pleasantly surprised and even complimented me on my job of executing the estates.

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Executor or Personal Representative fees are not mandated in all states. 

[geezerette]

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@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:

We do but we have it in a place where our executors can find it; after we finished it up, we asked our dear neighbors to be our executors and we gave them a key to our house and showed them where it is so they can come and get it when they need it.

That may sound odd but it's going to be kind of complicated and I want someone who will NOT benefit financially in charge. I did leave them some money to pay for their efforts to sort it out because it might get messy and I want them to be compensated for their efforts.

ETA: our attorney has a copy of our will/trust. I think putting it where it can't be found--like a safe deposit box--is a bad idea. What if, God forbid, your loved one dies in the middle of the night, or in an accident or what? Can you call your attorney (if you even know his after-hours or home phone number)?

I'm not being snarky or sarcastic but it just seems to me like a bad idea to place the original of a will/trust where it's hard for the excutors or anyone else to find it.

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@GoneButNotForgotten 

I was told by more than one attorney that executors and especially POA and Health Care advocates need the original documents.  It's counterintuitive to not let those people have easy access to needed documents.  The object of having those documents in the first place is to avoid legal and procedural problems.

[CelticCrafter]

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@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:

We do but we have it in a place where our executors can find it; after we finished it up, we asked our dear neighbors to be our executors and we gave them a key to our house and showed them where it is so they can come and get it when they need it.

That may sound odd but it's going to be kind of complicated and I want someone who will NOT benefit financially in charge. I did leave them some money to pay for their efforts to sort it out because it might get messy and I want them to be compensated for their efforts.

ETA: our attorney has a copy of our will/trust. I think putting it where it can't be found--like a safe deposit box--is a bad idea. What if, God forbid, your loved one dies in the middle of the night, or in an accident or what? Can you call your attorney (if you even know his after-hours or home phone number)?

I'm not being snarky or sarcastic but it just seems to me like a bad idea to place the original of a will/trust where it's hard for the excutors or anyone else to find it.

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We were told by our attorney not to put it in the safe deposit box.

[hyacinth003]

I contacted the son of the attorney who wrote the actual Will.  He said it was his father's policy to give the client the orginal copy.  He said that his father once had a fire in his office (not the one my dad used), and it was his policy thereafter to give the client the original.

The only other person who COULD have the original would be my brother/his wife.  She ASSUMED by her EXPERT reading of the WILL that my brother and I were co-executors.  When I checked with the attorney after he passed, he confirmed my recollection that I was the sole executor, like my Dad had told me.  She then flipped out, screamed at me, refused to help by not answering questions.  We did have a shouting fight when she told me she had contacted the place where a lot of his money was held.  She told me I had it wrong as to how to get the funds out.  I had already talked to them, and they had a list of requirements for me to fulfill before they would issue the funds.  I then told her to STAY OUT of working the Estate, as only I could do it.

In retrospect, I think she contacted them for another reason.  It was about the policy that my brother was beneficiary of.  I HAD NO IDEA about this.  This policy messed up my handling of the Estate because I could not account for the income going to my dad from it (that passed to my brother upon my Dad's death) and whether the Estate owed taxes from this mysterious income.  SHE KNEW ABOUT IT but lied over and over about NOT KNOWING where this money came from.

So while she was arranging transfer of the policy to THEM, she asked about the other account I knew about and was handling.  So I made the assumption she was trying to work and expedite disbursal of Estate funds.  It's something she WOULD do and I went bananas.

I have tried to reach my brother to ask him if they have the original copy of the Will.  He is going between home and their second home in another state.  I am getting very uptight, to say the least.  I know it does no good, but it's dredging up a lot of very painful issues AGAIN.

Hyacinth

[beckyb1012]

We and all the attorneys I know prepare two original wills with the Testators, Witnesses, and Notary all signing in BLUE ink.  The "original" original is on very heavy thick bond paper attached to a jacket and with the Last Will & Testament envelope.  This is the one normally and preferably filed in court if a probate is done.

The other plain original copy we prepare and execute on regular copy paper and placed in one of our law firm envelopes sealed tight.  With the names of the client and contents printed on the envelope.  We have a fireproof safe and prefer to have at least one of the two items left here for easy access.  Most clients choose to take the plain original with them to give to their executor/rix.