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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,861
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

When you don't have time to visit everyone...

DH and I live on the west coast and the rest of our families live on the east coast.  We usually visit once a year and we don't get to stay very long because my son needs us here at home.

 

The problem is that when we visit, everyone expects us to make time to see them.  It's simply not possible and someone inevitably winds up having hurt feelings.

 

How do those of you in similar situations deal with this?

~ house cat ~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,620
Registered: ‎09-22-2010

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...

That used to happen to us when we would visit San Francisco.   If one of my aunts did not host everyone we made arrangements to all meet at a restaurant.  There was always some people that could not make it.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,036
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...

When I had that issue, I had a kind sister who would invite "a group" of relatives and friends over to her home while I was there, so I could visit with several at once.  Maybe you could arrange something like that?  If that's not possible, you just have to prioritize...visit those you are closest to.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,160
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...

When my husband was in the military, we'd come home for a visit, and one year I got so exhausted (son was a baby), I had to talk to mom and explain it was too much to see everyone.  I reminded her, that if we were living there, there was a good chance that we wouldn't see all those relatives in a short time.  She got it. So there's always alternating on visits too. You know what, it all worked out, no one was hurt or offended.  

 

Sometimes the folks think that's a good opportunity for them to see these relatives too.  In that case, rent a hall and see everyone in one shot. It'll save you in the long run.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,336
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...

We take a trip north to visit family and friends every year. Taking about 2 weeks for visits allows us to pretty much see everyone.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,305
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...

Family reunion

 


@house_cat wrote:

DH and I live on the west coast and the rest of our families live on the east coast.  We usually visit once a year and we don't get to stay very long because my son needs us here at home.

 

The problem is that when we visit, everyone expects us to make time to see them.  It's simply not possible and someone inevitably winds up having hurt feelings.

 

How do those of you in similar situations deal with this?


 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,315
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...

@house_cat....my mom lived several hours away and when she would come 'home' she make it clear she was not traveling to each of her sister's homes....if they wanted to see her they could visit her at my grandma's house where mom stayed sometimes or at my house where she stayed....she traveled hours to get home they could travel less than 15 minutes to visit her.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 761
Registered: ‎06-01-2010

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...


@Mom2Dogs wrote:

@house_cat....my mom lived several hours away and when she would come 'home' she make it clear she was not traveling to each of her sister's homes....if they wanted to see her they could visit her at my grandma's house where mom stayed sometimes or at my house where she stayed....she traveled hours to get home they could travel less than 15 minutes to visit her.


 

We are a military family, and have always lived far from relatives.  We did exactly as house_cat explained.  It was amazing to see how few people would show up once they knew it was up to them.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,861
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...

 

 

I don't mean any disrespect, but since my mom and dad have passed, it's a little easier because we can simply stay with my MIL and FIL.  Conveniently, my brother and SIL live down the street from my inlaws.  My brother has planned an outdoor party at his house - all my cousins and extended family are invited - some can make it that day and others cannot.  Still, there are elderly relatives who can't attend for logistical and health reasons, plus 40 years  of dear friends who'd like to see us and it's just impossible to visit everyone.  Yes, we are blessed to have so many people who care, but it seems that there is always someone offended in the end. Perhaps I'm making too much of it.  I was just wondering how others deal with these situations.  Thank you for all the responses.

~ house cat ~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,019
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: When you don't have time to visit everyone...

Have you perused your options for just saying longer on your visits. 

 

I'm not aware of the issues you face with your son needing you at home, and maybe those cannot be overcome, but is it possible to make some kind of arrangements for/with your son so you can be gone a little longer, and get to enjoy your visit and have more time to spend with all those you wish to get to. 

 

Also, if a longer visit isn't possible, could you make the trip twice. 

 

I have no idea your specific situation (financial, responsibility with son etc.) but just wondered if you had thought of either of these.

 

And I'm happy you are so blessed, to be able to travel back east, and have so many people that love you! Blessed life!