When one spouse retires before the other... your o... - Page 3

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

@Carol Diane wrote:
@sidsmom , why should this have been addressed 43 years ago? He wasn't retiring then. And why should the hiring of professional cleaning been done moons ago? They seem to have been doing just fine. Now this is a new phase in their lives so she wants to discuss it now to make the transition easier.

@Carol Diane

Out of 15 posts, not sure why you specifically tagged me

and questioned my opinion. 🤷‍♀️

If "they seem to have been doing just fine", it's a non-issue.

The OP continues to work/clean & the husband 'works' on his retirement and care for his parents. There's no reason to ask him to change.

PinkyPetunia · ‎03-09-2010

You won't know what it will be like until he actually retires. See how it goes. If neither one of you wants to clean, hire it out. Every 2 weeks should be enough.

No one has a crystal ball so everything can't be predicted. Roll with the punches and it will be fine.

sweetee2 · ‎06-21-2015

I've wanted to post something about this subject for awhile now, but I was afraid I'd get beat up.

My hubby retire in April. He always wanted to work until age 70 and he was 4 months away. He called me one morning and said I'm retiring in 2 weeks. I was shocked but said ok you deserve it.

The reason I wanted to post is that he likes to help in the kitchen. When he loads the dishwasher he won't wash the dishes off. When he unloads I can't find anything. Laundry all goes in the washer. I could go on. If I say anything he says " just be glad I help".

I feel like I take one step forward and 2 steps backward.

Carol Diane · ‎04-27-2015

@sidsmom , I was only trying to ask how this all could have been addressed 43 years ago. We all go through so many different phases during life and marriage. I am kind of lost about what was supposed to be discussed moons ago. Not trying to attack...sorry...just think that long ago, what happens after retirement isn't on the radar.

Catiele · ‎08-20-2012

My husband retired when he was 59yrs old. I was working and kept working. The summer he retired he would pick up the grandchildren and go to the beach for the day. He had a great summer. There were days that I wished I was going. He always made supper. He did go back to work part time for a man that flipped houses. PS he deserved his free time. Growing up was tough for him.

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

@Carol Diane wrote:
@sidsmom , I was only trying to ask how this all could have been addressed 43 years ago. We all go through so many different phases during life and marriage. I am kind of lost about what was supposed to be discussed moons ago. Not trying to attack...sorry...just think that long ago, what happens after retirement isn't on the radar.

@Carol Diane

Retirement isn't the issue in this scenario.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

I retired five years before my husband. Now that he is retired, he got bored and works part time three days a week. He is going to leave that job this coming spring, or so he says.

Retirement hasn't changed much around our house. DH still cuts the grass. maintains the cars and house and he helps do the dishes and he even vacuums and walks the dog sometimes because I have bad knees.

I don't get the big deal or the big change. We live here alone and are both pretty clean' through he likes to clutter. He will do anything I ask him to do. I figure he is not a mind reader.

If you want DH to help, ask him and give him a honey do list. I think most men are willing to help if asked. They don't seem to automatically know what needs done and must be told what to do. You might have to put out the supplies and explain what to clean surfaces with at first. If he has never done it before, he will need trained to do it the way you desire.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

My husband became unemployed 3 years before I quit my job due to his health issues. The inside jobs he was most comfortable with was dusting, sweeping, starting dinner, and washing dishes. Once I quit work, the only job he hung onto was washing dishes.

I just don't make an issue out of it, as nothing is as important to me, as he is.

skatting44 · ‎07-26-2019

@jeanlake wrote:
Husband retiring at end of the year -- a year before me. After 43 years in corporate world and teaching adjunct business classes one night a week for 30 years -- I am thrilled for him. He's tired and ready to retire. Checking on his aging parents - 85 & 90 - have taken up even more time. We've been married 40 years. Any tips you can give during this transition period? Husband is extrovert, has hobbies, goes to the gym, busy with family and has volunteer interests. I'm thinking this is a great time for him to step up and help more inside the house. He routinely kept so busy and I like a clean house -- I did the lion's share of the housekeeping tasks. Will be having this conversation soon. A few married friends started fussing when one or both retired. Would like to avoid that. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Congrats on your 40 yr marriage & congrats to your Husband for his retirement.

Good question by another poster as to if your husband's cleaning skills meet your taste. If not, is he a good cook ? My Husband retired many yrs before me and he did the grocery shopping and cooked dinner . I'd leave him a list & leave a receipe he could follow . He mostly grilled and I kept things basic as far as receipes. He does his laundry and vacums . I'd just make sure he stays active. It's tough to take care of elderly parents . I drove my Mother to all her numerous MD appointments and would help her at home 3 days a week when my other siblings were not available to help her .

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

I always tell people who ask me how were we able to stay married 45 years and I say,""we never spent that much time together". Lets face it, when you are working you spend so much time away from each other so when you do come together, it's quality time. I retired years before my husband did, he's been retired now 3 years, we are with each other 24/7 and do get snippy with each other. As far as household chores since husband retired, well he does most of it. Who knew he would like doing laundry, windows and floors. I think if chores are going to be an issue just discuss it or get a cleaning service. Life goes by so quickly after retirement, don't waste a minute fighting about the mundane.