When a relative keeps insulting - Page 5

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003 I understand you feeling badly for her because her husband gave her a hard time. From what you've told us about her, there probably was more going on between them than you knew. Perhaps she got what she deserved.

Laura loves cats!

software · ‎06-08-2016

@hyacinth003 wrote:
I have no devious motives to be a friend to her. She has no one, and behavior like this is probably why. She has some serious health issues that will require surgery that may or may not help her. EVERYONE in the family has abandoned her, and I have felt badly for her. I figured she needed someone to still care. She is in another state, so I don't have to be with her or do anything. We talk on the phone or use e-mail.

She is an extremely self centered person. I am probably not UPSCALE enough for her!!!! I did tell her awhile back that I didn't consider the gift "small," but I guess it didn't get through. I don't bring it up, she does.

I thought her ex-husband treated her very badly and just decided to be someone for her to talk to. She doesn't seem to appreciate the value of a friend, so I need to decide if I want to walk away. Doesn't hurt my life if I do. Lots of interesting opinions here!

Hyacinth

with all due respect, I think you know why everyone has abandoned her.

Her behavior explains why she has no friends or family.

And whatever happened between her & her husband is NUNYA business.

Everyone deserves kindness but it's a 2-way street.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

I think I would have looked at her and said what I thought. Something like, "Well, to me it isn't small"! See where she goes from there. Sometimes something that simple will shut the other person up! If it doesn't..... you could go one step farther and say...."I am just grateful that he thought well enough of us to be so kind.".....and then let it go. I doubt she will have much of a come back!

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

Why in the world does this person have so much personal information about you?

As far as I can see, you are providing her with the information she uses to insult you.

Just walk away!

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@Drythe wrote:
Why in the world does this person have so much personal information about you?

As far as I can see, you are providing her with the information she uses to insult you.

Just walk away!

Because she was my sister-in-law! That's why she knows things about my life.

Perhaps unwisely, I decided NOT to abandon her when everyone else did. Since we are in different states, I really didn't have to deal with her much at all.

I tried to be a friend to someone in a tough situation. Especially with serious, ongoing, health problems. Some people really do not get it!

Hyacinth

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@blueroses47 wrote:
@Nataliesgramma wrote:
I would calmly say "I don't like when you say that".........and say no more.

If she apologises....good....if she gets all uppity and argues.....I would do what a previous poster said and keep her at a distance....
I agree.

As others have said, probably the best option for you would just curtail the relationship with this person, to whatever extent is possible. But, if you feel you just can't do that, for your own reasons, why don't you just be very direct and say "I REALLY don't like it when you say that.....it isn't a small figure to ME."

Get it out in the open, for heaven's sake, and don't bottle it up and seethe over it. Why shouldn't you be direct, if what she's saying makes you feel bad?

It's easy to say we shouldn't let what others say make us feel badly, but let's be honest here, most of us with normal feelings do get upset periodically by what others say to us. It's human.

Don't keep feeling badly over this. You have two ways to change the situation, either get rid of her, or make her shut up.

I agree.

I would ask her not to do it anymore because it bothers me when she says that. If she continues, then it's time to create some distance. But maybe she'll make an effort to stop.

I'm not understanding, though, why this is a constant topic. If she keeps talking about this gift, I would tell her that I don't want to talk about it anymore because there's really nothing left to say. And then I would change the subject.

Btw, I am on very good terms with my ex's family. No one said I wasn't family anymore and no one abandoned me. I am invited to all family occasions, included in family group emails, etc, and I'm treated exactly the same as I always was. We have a shared history together. I don't understand the posters here who are saying that she's not family anymore so there should no longer be a relationship. Good for you, OP, for trying to be a friend to her. If she continues to be difficult, then I would (as I said) create some distance. But I wouldn't abandon her totally unless there's a really compelling reason to do so.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

Why does it bother you? It sounds as if it touches a nerve with you so the real issue is something in yourself that's reacting to it. I would just ignore her comments or drop her.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

hayacinth003

@hyacinth003 wrote:
I have no devious motives to be a friend to her. She has no one, and behavior like this is probably why. She has some serious health issues that will require surgery that may or may not help her. EVERYONE in the family has abandoned her, and I have felt badly for her. I figured she needed someone to still care. She is in another state, so I don't have to be with her or do anything. We talk on the phone or use e-mail.

She is an extremely self centered person. I am probably not UPSCALE enough for her!!!! I did tell her awhile back that I didn't consider the gift "small," but I guess it didn't get through. I don't bring it up, she does.

I thought her ex-husband treated her very badly and just decided to be someone for her to talk to. She doesn't seem to appreciate the value of a friend, so I need to decide if I want to walk away. Doesn't hurt my life if I do. Lots of interesting opinions here!

Hyacinth

...the way I see it you have several options.

1. The next time she makes the comment tell her to stop and give her the reason why.

or

2. The next time she makes the comment let it be the last time, do not speak to her again.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@software wrote:
Ignore, stay away, why are you even listening to her at all? She's an ex.
And don't defend her by saying well she has kids that are still part of the family.
The kids, yes - her, no.

@hyacinth003

Good advice.

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

I just don't understand why this "monetary gift issue" keeps coming up in her conversations with you? I guess if it were me, I would come right out and ask her why she keeps bringing it up. Then I would tell her you'd appreciate her not bringing it up again.