Re: When a relative keeps insulting

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

If she says that it's a small amount you can say well to me it's not. Simple enough and that should end it. If not, then ask why does she keep saying it? ...Is she jealous?

TaylorBrown · ‎02-19-2014

I would ignore her and stop trying to be a support.

Dominosmom · ‎07-17-2010

walk away

software · ‎06-08-2016

Ignore, stay away, why are you even listening to her at all? She's an ex.

And don't defend her by saying well she has kids that are still part of the family.

The kids, yes - her, no.

@hyacinth003

blueroses47 · ‎03-09-2010

@Nataliesgramma wrote:
I would calmly say "I don't like when you say that".........and say no more.

If she apologises....good....if she gets all uppity and argues.....I would do what a previous poster said and keep her at a distance....

I agree.

As others have said, probably the best option for you would just curtail the relationship with this person, to whatever extent is possible. But, if you feel you just can't do that, for your own reasons, why don't you just be very direct and say "I REALLY don't like it when you say that.....it isn't a small figure to ME."

Get it out in the open, for heaven's sake, and don't bottle it up and seethe over it. Why shouldn't you be direct, if what she's saying makes you feel bad?

It's easy to say we shouldn't let what others say make us feel badly, but let's be honest here, most of us with normal feelings do get upset periodically by what others say to us. It's human.

Don't keep feeling badly over this. You have two ways to change the situation, either get rid of her, or make her shut up.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

I am still not sure why what she says about those issues would bother you. Unless you think she's not grasping that it might be important. She's going through a tough time and you are so good to be there for her. Give it a few years for her to come back to normal. That's #1 on high stress factors and maybe she does that as a coping system. She may not even grasp that. So yeah, let it go for now and just be the good supportive friend she probably needs at this time. Just my guess as an outsider. FWIW.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
If she's referring to her own divorce settlement, why do you care if she refers to it as small. Perhaps to her it was small, especially if she believes she was entitled to more. What is that this woman is supposedly insulting? It doesn't appear she's insulting you in any way. Strange....
Not strange.

It is not her divorce settlement she is referring to. I don't care what she says about that. I actually thought she didn't get ENOUGH in her divorce settlement. She kept saying that she had the best lawyers, however I thought she should have gotten more. I figure there is no point in making her feel worse about it.

No, she is referring to a gift that I got. She keeps saying "well, it was such a small ______ . I said it was 6 figures, which I don't consider small! She seems obsessed with her being more "upscale" than others. She has no education or career. Has not earned money on her own. Yet, she thinks she is WAY above others.

She's been having health issues and I feel bad for her. She really doesn't have friends, and she lost family in divorce. I have been very supportive to her because she's really on her own. I have nothing to gain by being a friend to her. What is it - no good deed goes unpunished???

Hyacinth

@hyacinth003

Sorry, but any gift that costs 6 figures isn't "small".

Hyacinth, I get that you keep in contact with her out of pity .... you're trying to be a good friend. HOWEVER ... is this woman being a good friend to you? Doesn't seem so, so I wonder what you're actually getting out of this.

I don't see you benefitting from this "friendship" in any way. So ..... what's in it for you?

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
If she's referring to her own divorce settlement, why do you care if she refers to it as small. Perhaps to her it was small, especially if she believes she was entitled to more. What is that this woman is supposedly insulting? It doesn't appear she's insulting you in any way. Strange....
Not strange.

It is not her divorce settlement she is referring to. I don't care what she says about that. I actually thought she didn't get ENOUGH in her divorce settlement. She kept saying that she had the best lawyers, however I thought she should have gotten more. I figure there is no point in making her feel worse about it.

No, she is referring to a gift that I got. She keeps saying "well, it was such a small ______ . I said it was 6 figures, which I don't consider small! She seems obsessed with her being more "upscale" than others. She has no education or career. Has not earned money on her own. Yet, she thinks she is WAY above others.

She's been having health issues and I feel bad for her. She really doesn't have friends, and she lost family in divorce. I have been very supportive to her because she's really on her own. I have nothing to gain by being a friend to her. What is it - no good deed goes unpunished???

Hyacinth

Ok, I get it now. You don't like the woman, you can't stand her. So, break ties with her. Move on... She is the person she is and you can't change that. You are the problem because you continue to associate with a woman you don't like.

LinaL · ‎05-21-2017

Some people like to be perpetual victims or martyrs.

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003 When someone says something I don't think is right, I immediately jump into their _ _ _ _ and ask them, "Why do you feel that way"? You should have nipped it in the bud.

The real issue I see here is the two of you are playing a game of "one up." For some reason, you both are somewhat insecure and feel you are in competition with each other. If that weren't true, why would you be so bothered by what she says? Think about that and then decide what you need to do.

Laura loves cats!