Stay in Touch
Get sneak previews of special offers & upcoming events delivered to your inbox.
Sign in
05-26-2017 02:59 PM
@TX-starlight wrote:Tks all... She has been like this all her life. We have been friends since 1st grade. I have tried to be the "buffer" between our other friends, she in her older age, she has only gotten worse. She is very negative, and for this reason, I have tried to distance myself some. I think I feel sorry for her, she doesn't have much family & few friends, but it's becoming irritating to me. I never say hurtful/confrontational things, & not sure where this comes from in her.
I think it comes from being unhappy, so she's "angry with the world" and that's the reason she doesn't have much family or friends. One thing leads to the other, then it can become a vicious cycle.
You're obviously a compassionate person, but you shouldn't feel responsible for being the one to make things right between her and everyone else. You can't be her keeper or her therapist. If you're able to, you can try to have a heart to heart talk with her. If not, move on.
05-26-2017 03:09 PM
I think there's no option but to let her know how you feel. Went through something similar that I posted about - I just couldn't take my friend's rudeness anymore. I just won't let someone be mean to me ever again - I've had enough of it in my life and I don't need that in my life anymore - you may decide the same. I tend to attract people like that to me - people who could care less about your feelings. I would rather be by myself than to deal with it anymore.
05-26-2017 03:11 PM
I have a friend...been friends for 35+ years. She is blunt, to excess sometimes. She has a bad habit of making THE SAME comment about a relative of mine, that I do not have a relationship with because she is a very negative, difficult person, BUT she is my relative I and do not like that fact that she keeps repeating the same story about her over and over again...if I want to tell the story I can, it's my relative not hers. The story she continues to tell is something that happened in high school many years ago, good grief, get over it and zip you lip!!
I would never comment in a rude manner about a relative of hers, it's not my place.
05-26-2017 03:17 PM
@occasionalrain wrote:
@NycVixen wrote:@TX-starlight This is exactly my mother. Exactly. Her 'close' friend of about 30-35 years had a stroke recently and she called me to say it was her fault for not taking her medication. That is all she focused on and she went on to say that as soon as she came out of her coma she would tell her it was all her fault. I put my mom in her place.
I've realized too late it's a lost cause with people like this. Cut her off and run for the hills. It's not worth it. Trust me. I've recently set boundaries and told her straight up that unless she treats me with respect and stops all the criticism I'm done with her. She always sabotages my happiness and self-esteem and I'm done.
Don't waste your energy telling her how she is. Just make a clean break and walk away.
She will never change nor accept fault for her ways. My mother never does. Just a couple of days ago, she told me that the reason we don't get along is because I'm her daughter; sons love their mothers more. I said, "So it's not because of how you talk to me? You think my husband and his mother get along only because he's a man? It's not because she doesn't talk to him and treat him how you treat me? She insisted that was not the reason.
They are lost causes. They blame everyone else. Now it's my fault because I'm a woman. Unbelievable and egregious.
Run, RUN AWAY!! Don't waste more time out of your life with this toxic person.
What your mother said about her friend is true and what others, including her doctor, are thinking, just not saying. If you said to her, "true and I'm sure she knows and would rather not be reminded", your conversations with her would be less confrontational. Your mother is someone who hasn't a filter, she says what she thinks.
I believe she is an example of someone who is said to be honest to a fault.
@occasionalrain I strongly disagree. My mother has no idea why she had a stroke. She never spoke to any doctor or her family to come to this conclusion. She never showed any empathy or concern for the fact that her friend had a stoke, was in a coma and almost died had her son not found her in time.
To date, she has never said anything positive about it. She stopped going to see her because 'it's too hard for her to see her in that state'. It's always about how she feels. She doesn't stop to think how her friend must feel that people stop going to visit or that she needs support from family and friends more than ever.
Everything in life is about balance. There is no balance. People like my mom and the OP's friend only focus and spew negativity. That is the problem.
I've tried everything with my mother. I used to just take it, let her say whatever she wanted, tried ignoring her, tried telling her in a gentle way - I'm NOT the problem; she's the problem. She has a contentious relationship with EVERYONE. She even insults my lovebird whom she has never met because I can't tell if it's a boy or girl (it's how the species is). She laughs and says it's a he/she and probably gay. How is this acceptable?
It's confrontational now because I defend myself; because I stand up for myself. Because I said enough is enough.
My mother doesn't just not have a filter; she seems to lack a heart. She seems to lack humanity. You don't tell your daughter who just had a miscarriage over and over that it was her fault for getting on a plane (I was cleared to fly by a doctor) and tell her when Mother's Day comes around a few months later that she should be over it by now.
She has not once offered a hug, to cry with me, given support or understanding whenever I've had adversity in my life. She's either caused it or made it worse.
@TX-starlight . Like I said, RUN. If it was just a friend I would've parted ways a long time ago. Some relationships are too one sided and painful to maintain them just because we should somehow have different kinds of friends. These are not friends but wolves in sheep's clothing. They need people to put down in other to thrive.
They need someone to suck the life out of. I hope it's no longer you. It's no longer me.
05-26-2017 03:25 PM
If you want to have the relationship continue....what I would do is each time she bluntly offends me, say "Well, that hurts my feelings." See how she responds...if she blows it off or doesn't apologize....then I don't think she is capable of being the kind of friend you want. However, maybe having you be up front and say something each time will make her more aware, and if she values your friendship she will try harder to overcome her natural negativity.
It's worth a try if you want to salvage the friendship. After the first few times, you will know if she is willing to try to change or not. If not...I would walk away. Life is too short to invest it in a "friend" who only believes it works in a one-way direction.
05-26-2017 03:25 PM
@TX-starlight wrote:Tks all... She has been like this all her life. We have been friends since 1st grade. I have tried to be the "buffer" between our other friends, she in her older age, she has only gotten worse. She is very negative, and for this reason, I have tried to distance myself some. I think I feel sorry for her, she doesn't have much family & few friends, but it's becoming irritating to me. I never say hurtful/confrontational things, & not sure where this comes from in her.
Why have you elected to take this position in her life and the lives of your friends? Why are you protecting her from herself? How deeply does she enrich your life that it's worth continuing to accept her abuse?
The questions that need to be asked and answered have nothing to do with this woman's behavior or her psyche. She's consistently obnoxious and unpleasant. That's a given. The mystery is why anyone would continue to subject themselves to this kind of thing for decades.
I've had a mole on my arm that I noticed around first grade, too. It has no impact on me now, but if it was a bother, you can believe I'd get rid of it ASAP. That gal's a hair-sprouting mega-mole.
05-26-2017 04:13 PM - edited 05-26-2017 04:17 PM
@SaRina That's about spot on for her. Most all her family has cut ties with her & I suspect it is her attitude & rudness with them.
Many of you are right, I have just accepted her rudeness over the yrs, but it has become annoying to me. Another friend of ours called her out on it a couple of yrs ago, but I just can't bring myself to say anything to her.
05-26-2017 04:18 PM
@Still keeper of the koi we share a a name,lol...Mary Ann
05-26-2017 04:23 PM
@TX-starlight wrote:@SaRina That's about spot on for her. Most all her family has cut ties with her & I suspect it is her attitude & rudness with them.
Many of you are right, I have just accepted her rudeness over the yrs, but it has become annoying to me. Another friend of ours called her out on it a couple of yrs ago, but I just can't bring myself to say anything to her.
@TX-starlight, if you can't say anything to her, why not do what someone (can't remember the poster) suggested and put it in writing. I speak from experience and know it's difficult, but if you do not speak up in some way, you will have to continue to live with it; IMO, it's not worth it if you continue to let her bring you down. Just my 2 cents FWIW.
05-26-2017 04:39 PM
@TX-starlight wrote:@SaRina That's about spot on for her. Most all her family has cut ties with her & I suspect it is her attitude & rudness with them.
Many of you are right, I have just accepted her rudeness over the yrs, but it has become annoying to me. Another friend of ours called her out on it a couple of yrs ago, but I just can't bring myself to say anything to her.
..... For fear of losing her friendship? Or because you don't want to hurt her feelings?
What is the alternative? To continue putting up with rude and negative behavior that doesn't serve either of you well?
You may be doing her a favor by talking to her about how she comes across to others. Next time she says something rude, could you ask her why she seems so angry? It might open up the discussion. Then you can tell her other people have noticed she doesn't seem happy. She might acknowledge that and want to talk. It might make her angry, but she may go home and think about it.
Not trying to push you into doing anything. It's just a thought.
Get sneak previews of special offers & upcoming events delivered to your inbox.
*You're signing up to receive QVC promotional email.
Find recent orders, do a return or exchange, create a Wish List & more.
Privacy StatementGeneral Terms of Use
QVC is not responsible for the availability, content, security, policies, or practices of the above referenced third-party linked sites nor liable for statements, claims, opinions, or representations contained therein. QVC's Privacy Statement does not apply to these third-party web sites.
© 1995-2024 QVC, Inc. All rights reserved. | QVC, Q and the Q logo are registered service marks of ER Marks, Inc. 888-345-5788