Re: When a friend hurts your feelings?

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

@Still keeper of the koi wrote:
If this was a unusual experience I would say something else was going on,but you say this was always a problem.You could speak to her or write her a letter,but this is part of her character,personality. Those things usually can't be changed and if they are it is often temporary.She probably sees nothing wrong with her behaviour.You either decide to accept it ,deal with it or overlook it,or walk away.People like this can make life unpleasnt.Friendship should be enriching not painful..Good luck...Maryanne

If I could I would give you ten hearts for your wise words.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@DiAnne wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@DiAnne wrote:
@TX-starlight

I would gently correct her. If she hurts your feeling just tell her nicely. I think I would also avoid spending so much time with her. Most people would get the message. If she asks why tell her.

I always avoid people who say things like "I tell it like it is" and "I am a straight shooter" because those are both code words for "I am rude and have no manners".

@DiAnne

Would you say that John is "rude" and "has no manners"?

Because he has said on many occasions that he tells it like it is.
@Plaid Pants2

I can't really answer that because I have not had any interaction with him and I do not know him.

By that reasoning, you can't say how any person here is, because you do not know them, correct?

But you have read John's many posts on these boards, correct?

Surely that gives you some idea as to his character, yes?

Or, do you think that he is not being truthful, or are you saying that it is okay for him to be blunt, and tell it like it is, and giving him a pass because he is a man?

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@DiAnne wrote:

Would you say that John is "rude" and "has no manners"?

Because he has said on many occasions that he tells it like it is.

I can't really answer that because I have not had any interaction with him and I do not know him.

Hi @DiAnne

Nice to meet you. My nic is "hckynut", my name is John. It would be my pleasure to interact with you. I have been on this Bulletin Board for probably over 15 years now. Yes, I am one of the few males here and have been called everything but john over some of those years. But, I stayed anyway because I find this BB informative and interesting.

I have always been an "open book", here and in real life, for those that might be interested. Yes, I am straight forward, and I make no apologies because of it. That however, for me anyways, does not equate to being rude/bad manners, or disrespectful to anyone. My mother raised me much differently than to possess such bad traits.

I said in a recent post that I do not "dance around the daisey's" when someone is fabricating things, or saying or doing something that negatively effects my family/myself or anyone close to me. In that post I mentioned "I prefer face to face meetings of the minds, and also in an area with just myself and the other person present".

If that person chooses to make what they say public, I reply in kind. While I admit to being many things, being consciously rude or lacking in common sense manners is not among them. People here and in my real life might not like the way I have chosen to live my life, in relation to others, that is certainly their right to feel that way.

Saying because someone "tells it like they see it", denotes bad manners and rudeness, to me is a generalization. Myself, I believe in specificity when it comes to judging people, not a generalization by placing us all in a category because we prefer speaking up in lieu complaining to others, about someone annoying/bothering, or in the case of this threads author, "hurting their feelings".

Anything you might want to say or know to interact with me, I would be happy to be the other part of it.

=^..^=

hckynut(john)

hckynut(john)

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

Ho boy! Now we have my gender in this thread. What next? Didn't know I would become a topic in this thread, but here I am. Interesting how things happen here, no?

hckynut(john)

sfnative · ‎03-10-2010

@hoosieroriginal wrote:
I think there's no option but to let her know how you feel. Went through something similar that I posted about - I just couldn't take my friend's rudeness anymore. I just won't let someone be mean to me ever again - I've had enough of it in my life and I don't need that in my life anymore - you may decide the same. I tend to attract people like that to me - people who could care less about your feelings. I would rather be by myself than to deal with it anymore.

@hoosieroriginal @TX-starlight

Tx Starlight,

Let her know, then let her go.

You deserve a better life than to be made miserable by this kind of person. Remember that when drama and insult like this enters your life, it's very bad on your body, causing the wrong kind of stress hormones to be released. In other words: It's bad for your health.

About 7 years ago, each member of a very large internationally recognized chorus I belonged to was given a personality test. The results were qualified by color: gold, green, orange and blue. I turned out to be a gold. The chorus director had indicated that she was planning a new direction and personality for the chorus. After a weekend event, I was asked to meet with her. She told me I didn't have enough "Blue" characteristics and would, therefore, no longer be welcome. That is - Vamoose!

I had belonged to this organization for over 25 years and wham, bam, thank you mam - out the door because I'm a "Gold," which is the leadership personaligy.

So, I had to deal with this instant loss - not something I had asked for or arranged. A doc at worked told me, "Best you're out of there. That was quite a toxic environment."

I'll bring forward his word "toxic" here for you, becuase it seems that your relationship with your "friend" is more toxic than anything else.

Best say good-bye to the toxic and turn to face another day with renewed spirits.

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

@TX-starlight Dealing with my sister, I even tried (after telling her how I felt) just saying let's change the subject when she got on a rant and if/when she didn't I would get up and leave or hang up the phone. It worked for a few weeks and then she was back to her old self. People like that will probably never change. Free yourself - life is too short.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

Her personality won't change, but if you tell her how her comments bother you, maybe she'll choose her words more carefully. I remember when my non-stop talking friend read an exact description of herself in an advice column and tried to let others speak - it didn't last a week.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@hckynut

John, I guess I've known you since "the beginning" around here,and yes you do speak your mind. I do NOT, however, see you as the type of person I'm imagining the topic to be about.

Speaking your mind is one thing, but simply feeling free to be rude to people under the guise of truth is another thing entirely, and I've not gotten that from your postings ever. You say what you think, but do not slant this as being directed at pointing out a fault of others or try to impose your views on them.

The type of rude and abusive people who try to find fault with others and make them feel bad about themselves is another topic entirely. They are people who see themselves as perfect and put on this earth to tell others what is right and wrong. You know a few of them here; John, you aren't one.

They hold themselves to be paragonas of behavior and grace, and if you happen to point out they have hurt you, THEY will be offended and fail to see how you could possibly think that. Then they'll blame and shame you for thinking that of them. They only had your best interests at heart, of course. . .

My advice about those people: RUN AWAY. If you are up for more blame and shame and guilt directed your way from the hurt and shocked person you confronted, have after it! They are there to give you a good moral lecture about how bad YOU are again. I simply refuse to be around folks like this any more. They hurt me and I can't change them or protect myself other than to avoid them.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

I would at least let this person know that words matter and that her words are hurting and bothering me. If she dismisses you and will not discuss it..... that is a sure sign she doesn't care enough to be your friend. A true friend would care to at least hear you out.