When a friend hurts your feelings?

TX-starlight · ‎03-10-2010

I have a close friend is often very blunt, to the point of hurting others feeling. I had rather keep my thoughts/feeling to myself, rather than do that to a friend. She often says rude things to me, that I overlook & ignore. Yesterday, she truly hurt my feelings. I did respond in truthful words, but I have not responded anything else since. I think she does not realize how rude she can sound at times & how hurtful her comments are. She has been like since I have known her, and has offended many of our friends, who really don't care for her. I have tried to remain friends, bt it gets harder & harder. I want to tell her how rude she is, but try to keep peace as much as possible. Should I let it all roll off my back, or make it worse by telling her how rude she is?

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

I had a friend like that, and really if you want her to change her behavior towards you, you have to say something. Some misguided folks wear their bluntness like a badge of honor, they have to be told that it is unacceptable. When my friend realized that she in fact was hurting my feelings, she made an effort , and I met her half way.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

Someone with that type of personality would most likely not be a friend of mine. I don't have time for that nonsense in my life, nor do I want to be brought down with that kind of negativity. But... if it's a friendship I'd want to try and salvage, I would definitely have to say something to her in as tactful a way as possible. It is possible your friend doesn't realize how she comes across.

Nonametoday · ‎03-09-2010

@TX-starlight wrote:
I have a close friend is often very blunt, to the point of hurting others feeling. I had rather keep my thoughts/feeling to myself, rather than do that to a friend. She often says rude things to me, that I overlook & ignore. Yesterday, she truly hurt my feelings. I did respond in truthful words, but I have not responded anything else since. I think she does not realize how rude she can sound at times & how hurtful her comments are. She has been like since I have known her, and has offended many of our friends, who really don't care for her. I have tried to remain friends, bt it gets harder & harder. I want to tell her how rude she is, but try to keep peace as much as possible. Should I let it all roll off my back, or make it worse by telling her how rude she is?

NAME: I would sit down and rewrite this letter, adjusting the wording but saying the same thing. "You have offended many of our friends...who really don't care...I have tried to remain friends with you...but it gets harder and harder...Because I value our friendship and that of others, I feel the need to tell you how rudely you have treated others and me. I cannot hold my words any longer...similar to what you said and how I have changed your words to say to her what you have said to us...

If she is truly a friend, she will call and apologize or you may not hear for a while but eventually you will get a mesage from her. If she is negative, she is not your friend and therefore, you need to leave her alone...if she apologizes and says she will try to watch her words, then you can feel assured your words have meaning.

Krimpette · ‎03-09-2010

I have to wonder why you would want to keep such a person as a friend, especially since she often says rude things to you.

HisElk1 · ‎09-29-2015

I'm guessing many of us have been down that road throughout our lives.

Speaking for myself, I do not like confrontations, and try very hard to be as polite as I can.

My only advice is to ask yourself if you want to continue this relationship with the friend and keep on getting hurt. Personally, I would have to have a talk with the friend to let them know how you feel, but you should be prepared to lose that friend if he/she doesn't agree with you.

There's also the saying you could use when the friend says hurtful things to you such as "why would you say that to me?" which puts it back onto them. It's something that you should keep in the back of your mind when speaking to him/her so that you are "ready" for it. I will say that I have used the saying before and it really does work.

I wish you luck.

TX-starlight · ‎03-10-2010

Tks all... She has been like this all her life. We have been friends since 1st grade. I have tried to be the "buffer" between our other friends, she in her older age, she has only gotten worse. She is very negative, and for this reason, I have tried to distance myself some. I think I feel sorry for her, she doesn't have much family & few friends, but it's becoming irritating to me. I never say hurtful/confrontational things, & not sure where this comes from in her.

Still keeper of the koi · ‎05-04-2017

If this was a unusual experience I would say something else was going on,but you say this was always a problem.You could speak to her or write her a letter,but this is part of her character,personality. Those things usually can't be changed and if they are it is often temporary.She probably sees nothing wrong with her behaviour.You either decide to accept it ,deal with it or overlook it,or walk away.People like this can make life unpleasnt.Friendship should be enriching not painful..Good luck...Maryanne

Fressa · ‎03-20-2012

You should tell her how you feel and decide if you want to remain friends with a person who has litte regard for the consideration of others. You need to value yourself more than not offending her. Clearly, she has either no clue or no desire to change. Life is too short for these kinds of challenges.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

If a friend was rude to me she would not be a friend for long. I have relatives though, who are quite rude at times. I'm sure they know exactly what they are saying and because they are relatives who we rarely see, think they can get away with it. I used to laugh the comments off, but I don't anymore. Instead, I question their remarks and call them on it and now unless they want a confrontation, they keep their mouths shut. Maybe that strategy would work with your friend.