Re: When a Friend Ignores You

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Dare I say that this situation sounds a bit junior-high school-ish. (Not said in a mean way.) It just reminds me of a couple of friendships 'way back when'. Anyway, the friend is probably very busy right now. My feelings wouldn't be hurt, and I'd make sure that I'm keeping myself busy as well, and not spend another minute dwelling on the other person.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

I haven't read all the posts yet, so maybe there's been a follow-up. But I'm not seeing a problem, or why the OP feels "ignored".

Just because everything was fine on Wednesday doesn't mean that something hasn't happened in the days since then. That's entirely possible. Perhaps the friend is dealing with a family emergency, isn't feeling well, is overwhelmed by a sudden flurry of activities or things out of her control, or perhaps there's some other reason that she hasn't been in touch. If a friend who was in touch daily suddenly dropped out of sight, I wouldn't feel ignored. I would feel concerned. It's very likely not about the OP at all.

Whatever happened to simply communicating? Send a quick text or leave a voicemail message. "Hi, I hope everything's ok. No need to call back if you're busy. Thinking about you!" Not angry or weepy or needy, just a simple message.

If she's a hot & cold kind of person, I would back off, give her space, and go on with my life. Personally, I have no patience for people who play games, so she wouldn't be my friend for long. But if not, then I recommend leaving a simple message and not over-dramatize the situation. Life happens to all of us, and we're all entitled to have some breathing room.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
O/p, you are reading waaaay more in to this than what is actually there.

Did it ever occur to you that your friend just might be busy, and doesn't have the time to drop everything and write you an e-mail to make sure that your feelings aren't hurt?

Are you that needy and desperate for her friendship?

Give her some space and time, and I'm sure that when she has the time, she'll get back to you.

I agree. Being "a real close friend" goes both ways.

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

@Ladygray wrote:
Well, we normally communicate daily. Also, if I don't respond immediately to her e-mails or texts, she's all over me... the last time that happened she texted, "I guess you didn't care for my e-mail, oh well, have a good weekend." Within minutes, she texted, "I guess you didn't care for my text either."

When I told her I'm responding to her e-mail, but I need time to gather my thoughts, an hour later she writes, "Did you fall asleep at the computer?"

She sounds needy and immature to me. And like she needs a lot of attention.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Marp wrote:
@Ladygray, two things have come to my mind. First, you said she confided in you about another friend. If you said something about that person perhaps your friend was offended and hurt so has withdrawn.

Second, since she comes from an abusive situation perhaps her not communicating has something to do with her abuser and she may not be in a position to be able to respond to you in which case you should be proactive to assure her safety.

If neither of these thoughts are possible rein in your hurt and wait a couple of days to see if you hear from her. There can certainly be many reasons she is not communicating with you from phone failure to flu.

I had the same thought. Coming from a domestic abuse situation makes it even more likely that she may have a good reason for keeping a low profile. It could be an emotional reason or something actually happening in her life now.

And in light of this new information, I really don't understand jumping to "I'm being ignored" when there are so many other possibilities as to what may be going on, even more than for someone who didn't have that kind of emotional baggage (which can be debilitating). Anyone can have several very good reasons for not being in touch, especially because we're not talking about an alarming length of time.

I'm really trying to understand why the OP's first concern is for herself and her feelings rather than thinking of her friend and hoping that everything is okay.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
Ladies, I'm beginning to think that this is all a game, a sham, that we've (myself included) have been had.

This is the same person who was dating a man who was (ahem) "seperated" from his wife, and this man went to Sarasota, without telling her.

Here's the thread on that.

https://community.qvc.com/t5/Among-Friends/Need-Some-Guidance/td-p/3848557

Thanks, @PlaidPants2. I remember that very well, but didn't realize it was the same poster.

I am still oxox · ‎03-09-2010

@Moonchilde

Is she also Amy Poelher fan?

@Moonchilde wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:
She's baaaaaack!

Honey - at LEAST come up with new stories.

@Moonchilde

hh?

@Plaid Pants2, no - our little cutie who loves SNL commediennes. See the OP's other thread. Two for the price of one this time.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@game-on wrote:
Dylan.... I read where your friend responds quickly if you dont return her texts or emails.... and her responses are not very nice.... do you realize that is a form of abuse? and very controlling....

It seems that you have not had a great history of picking people who will respect you...

Do you have a difficult time respecting yourself? I ask because I went thru a period in my life when my self esteem was low and I attracted some people who tried to do some of these things to me. I went to a therapist and she helped me see what was happening.

Besides therapy I did some things to regain my self esteem...

I backed away from the people who were not good for me and when I was doing better I was able to be more discerning.... I wish the same for you.

Great post, @game-on!

I agree (from this post and the one that @PlaidPants2 referenced) that the OP doesn't seem to be able to read people very well. And yes, this friend does sound as though she's controlling the OP. The friend likely has remaining issues from her domestic abuse situation that are manifesting in this way. It's not healthy for the OP to be in a relationship like that, and if the friend is in fact pulling away, it would be a blessing.

I'm not sure that I would call someone like this "a real good friend". It's not a long friendship, seems to already have had several bumps in the road, and apparently consists of texting and emails. The friend seems to be judging the OP a lot, and that's the last thing a domestic abuse survivor needs. I realize they have something major in common, but that's not enough to form a real & true friendship.

Dylan, it's far better to surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Everyone deserves that.