When a Friend Ignores You

Ladygray · ‎06-18-2017

I'm so confused. I have a real close friend. We usually e-mail or text each other every day. All of a sudden I'm getting no reply to either. I know she's okay, I just saw her on Wednesday. Nothing happened that was out of the ordinary that day. In fact, she confided in me about another friend.

I don't know what to do. Should I just ignore her because my feelings are real hurt, should I send a message asking if I've done something wrong or send a message that I know something is wrong and I'm here if she needs to talk.

My heart tells me to send the message telling her I'm here for her, but does that brush aside my hurt and make her think I'm okay with this? If I ignore her, how does that resolve anything? And, if I inquire if I have done something wrong, well does that make me seem desperate and needy knowing I haven't?

All I know, it takes 2 seconds to send off a text or answer an e-mail to say you're not in the mood to write or you need space or something! But to just ignore a good friend out of the blue, to me, is a very hurtful and disrespectful thing to do. Ignoring someone is manipulative and emotionally abusive as far as I'm concerned. Ironically, when she was confiding in me about her other friend who hurt her, she kept saying how disrespectful and painful it is.

We had a falling out months ago and we made up. In an e-mail to me back then she wrote things like she would never intentionally hurt a friend or make anyone feel frustrated, disrespected or upset, it's "not in my DNA" she wrote. Well, she just did. And it hurts and I feel lousy.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

Hello new poster. I'd suggest you write to an advice columnist. They have heard so many stories and might be able to help you.

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

Me, I'd reach out to her one more time and if she answers, fine, if not I'd walk away. I'm not playing games or chasing after anyone for their friendship!

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

O/p, you are reading waaaay more in to this than what is actually there.

Did it ever occur to you that your friend just might be busy, and doesn't have the time to drop everything and write you an e-mail to make sure that your feelings aren't hurt?

Are you that needy and desperate for her friendship?

Give her some space and time, and I'm sure that when she has the time, she'll get back to you.

Ladygray · ‎06-18-2017

Well, we normally communicate daily. Also, if I don't respond immediately to her e-mails or texts, she's all over me... the last time that happened she texted, "I guess you didn't care for my e-mail, oh well, have a good weekend." Within minutes, she texted, "I guess you didn't care for my text either."

When I told her I'm responding to her e-mail, but I need time to gather my thoughts, an hour later she writes, "Did you fall asleep at the computer?"

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

Then save yousrself grief, and dump her and walk away then.

waterlily · ‎05-29-2010

Maybe she is having phone problems and can't answer you.

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

@Ladygray wrote:
Well, we normally communicate daily. Also, if I don't respond immediately to her e-mails or texts, she's all over me... the last time that happened she texted, "I guess you didn't care for my e-mail, oh well, have a good weekend." Within minutes, she texted, "I guess you didn't care for my text either."

When I told her I'm responding to her e-mail, but I need time to gather my thoughts, an hour later she writes, "Did you fall asleep at the computer?"

And therein lies the problem. You've apparently put up with this for a long time. She'd have been gone from my life after the second snotty comment. Case closed.

Ladygray · ‎06-18-2017

Just "dumping" her would cause me a lot of grief. I'm just trying to figure out the right thing to do.

I was going to just send a text telling her I've noticed she's not her normal communicative self and although I don't know what's up, if she needs to talk, I'm here to listen as a friend.

That is what my heart tells me to do, but I don't know.

A friend doesn't just suddenly stop all communication without even a brief "will be in touch soon" or something.

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

I have a similar situation. I don't understand people at all.

Also I had a friend from the past get in touch with me telling me how much she cares and how she considers me a friend, blah blah and I wrote back and said that I do not know how we could be considered friends when neither of us called in the last 15 years. I still caught her up on the past years and the present and we exchanged a few letters and now nothing. I guess it was just curiosity not reconnecting.