Among Friends

[q-girl]

 . . . .and this is why I don't entertain. I believe my home is clean enough and de-cluttered enough and smells good enough and is ready for visitors at any time. But I am never ready for anyone's judgement on how I live or keep my home, especially after they've spent time with me and my family in my home and accepted my hospitality.

@SeaMaiden. . . .  If your home isn't good enough for your "guests" then, in my opinion, " don't let the door hit them in the heinie". You and the time spent with you should be the priority even if you live in a cardboard box in the woods.

Hugs . . .

[homedecor1]

@SeaMaiden

I can't imagine being so "stressed" over having guests because I have this mindset -- they are visiting me not coming to judge my decor ability, home size, etc. they will remember the good visit we had.  

Although, I'm extremely neat (just 2 of us & spouse is very neat) I do make sure the guest bedroom has clean sheets, freshly vacumned & inviting.  The guest bath is stocked with extra tp & the everyday necessities (if needed) and fresh bath towels.

My rule for guests: I put new roll of TP -- once that's gone they should be too!  lol

Try to relax & enjoy your company!  I'm sure they realize you "live" in your home and it's perfect for you!

[NYC Susan]

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@RoughDraft wrote:

I think I'd be your idea of a perfect house guest.  Over the years I've been invited into people's homes and they've varied from everthing from a virtual hut, homes in the middle of remodeling (one with a hole in the center of the upstairs bathroom floor), rustic cabins and posh, sparkling clean showplaces.

What do I remember most about them?  I enjoyed the company because  I was made to feel welcome and comfortable (once sitting on a packing crate), while being served the best tasting antipasto platter I ever had.  Good conversation, laughter and a little wine doesn't hurt either.

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That reminds me (and this might make the OP feel a bit better) of the time I went to visit a friend who had invited me for lunch.  She wasn't a close friend and I had never been to her home before.  When I arrived, I had to walk thru a maze of toys that her toddler daughter had left in the living room.  Her apartment was clean and pretty, but definitely lived-in.  She served a simple lunch of mac & cheese that I'm pretty sure came from a box, and bottled ice tea, and she was pretty open about having decided on the "menu" last-minute.  She was completely unapologetic - just warm and welcoming.

I have always been the type who wanted things to be perfect for guests in my home.  The meal had to be pre-planned, with several courses, and of course homemade, and I had to have a variety of drinks and desserts, etc.  My home had to be spotless - not only clean, but no clutter anywhere, not a speck of dust, not a toy in sight.  But I had such a good time with my friend that day.  She was so casual about everything, but made me feel welcome, and I realized then that fussing is just so not necessary.  She was relaxed, and I felt relaxed too.  We had a wonderful conversation, lots of laughs, and I left with a smile on my face.

It was a very long time ago, but I remember the day clearly because it changed the way I thought about entertaining.  I'll never be as casual as she was - I'm a planner and I'll always fuss more than most people.  But I realized then that it's entirely possible to be a great hostess without obsessing over every little thing and trying to be perfect. 

[50Mickey]

I love having company. If nothing else it spurs me to clean the house. I can honestly say that I have never felt like any of my friends were being judgemental. My house may not be a decorator's dream but my company have always told me now nice everything looks. I also enjoy visiting friends in their homes and I have never felt the need to judge another's home or critique the decor. As long as one's home is reasonabley clean and you offer your guests a warm welcome and some refreshments that's all you need to do. Relax and enjoy your company. 

[Ms tyrion2]

I have people over a lot and I visit friends very often too. I am a bit of a clean freak, so getting ready for guests isn't that big a deal. I have nice serving pieces and nice wine glasses, so no matter what I serve looks pretty and appetizing. I don't have clutter so that's never an issue.

My friends are not judgmental in the way OP thinks most people are. We are happy to spend time together.

I had my fastidious nature tested once. My two good guy friends invited me over one NYE to go to a party and spend the night. I often stay there. They met me in the driveway to tell me they had a major plumbing issue and had no bathrooms. They had a 5 gallon bucket for me to use if I had to get up in the night and their good neighbor offered his house for morning bathroom needs.

I was horrified and my first instinct was turn around and drive another hour home. They begged me to stay, so with much trepidation I did.  When it was time for bed, they heated a basin of water for me to wash my face. 

It turned out fine and was a turning point for me. Their graciousness and just the absolute hilarity of the situation made me a great host and a better guest.

Relax, OK.

...and be happy you'll at least have working toilets! 😁

[Sooner]

Sometimes when people are coming, I get a better look at where I live, and see a few things (usually minor) that I can spiff up without a lot of trouble or money.  That's a good thing.  It makes me feel better about where I live all the time and enjoy my house more in the long run.

I see having company as giving us a fresh look at ourselves, and a chance to make some changes that have probably gone unnoticed up until then but are things I am not satisfied with.  Those magazines that need to go, the stained kitchen towel that needs to go to the rag bin, things like that. 

I can drag out my better glasses, make some nice tea and have some desssert I'm proud of, and start to look forward to the people coming.  After a positive experience I'll bet you say, "Gee I should do this more often!"  Give them a token gift when they leave--some tea, a few cookies in a pretty bag, something to end the visit with a smile and a thank you!

[Kachina624]

@SeaMaiden.  Many people have a powder room with a washer and dryer.  Don't worry about it; this is quite common.  I'm sure they wont think anything about it.

[Bubbles219]

I am as anxious as you are when people visit my home.  Then I try to remember, that while I notice EVERY piece of fur, dust, etc in my own home, I RARELY, if ever,  notice anything amiss in someone else's home.  I'm too busy enjoying my visit that I would be lucky to recall the color of paint on their walls.  I know it's so much easier said than done, but please try to relax and remember it's the people in the home that matter the most and not whether everything is perfect and in its place.

[ID2]

Sounds silly but take a picture of the rooms in your home. I do that periodically and you'd be surprised at how you are able to look at your house through the eyes of someone else. I never notice clutter but when I see a photo I am very critical and then clean it up!

[151949]

I have a friend whose home is very luxurious , spotlessly clean and very beautifully decorated.They are warm , friendly people and our close friends. However, I'm never comfortable in their home. One of those things like the neighbor in Hycinth Bucket's house on Keeping Up Appearances. My house is clean and tidied up every day, I often have company drop in ,and the house is always acceptable.However, it is not ever ready to be a layout in house beautiful magazine. Many times it has been commented that our house is cozy.Fine. Just as we like it. I have a cousin who never cleans and her house is always dirty and messy much like Daisy & Onzlo's house in Keeping Up Appearances. I admit I'm more comfortable in my cousins home than my perfectly clean friend's house.