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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,120
Registered: ‎03-29-2019

@hyacinth003 

 

 

 

It's long since past time to stop being nice and polite.

 

 

Tell them that you are getting a lawyer, and that it will be paid for from the estate.

 

 

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,955
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@Anonymous032819 wrote:

@hyacinth003 

 

 

 

It's long since past time to stop being nice and polite.

 

 

Tell them that you are getting a lawyer, and that it will be paid for from the estate.

 

 


THIS, BUT WITH ONE DIFFERENCE. CONTACT THE LAWYER FIRST, and let him/her contact brother.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,955
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

LAWYER UP. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,955
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003 - I have somehow missed your previous posts on this subject, but I want to assure you that your feelings of frustration and anger are reasonable and honorable on your father's behalf.

 

Without detailing my own battle I suffered the same loss of trust, and now am guided solely by the joy and satisfaction of providing the best life possible for my dependent loved one. 

All trust between myself and the other party is totally lost. I have WORKED for the last several months of this painful and exhausting year, to forgive. I have made some baby steps forward on doing so, but every aggressive and offensive communication from "the other one" triggers the same reaction, and I doubt seriously that there could ever be any road that could take us to repairing the damage that was done to me.

 

STAY STRONG! 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,160
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Did you try the change of address cards at the post office?  Anything should go to you that you are looking for, if you go and fill out one of those cards.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,658
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@hyacinth003 

 

At this point you've had this discussion too many times with your nosey SIL and your spineless brother, to think that their (HER) continued interference in YOUR duty as executor, is not deliberate.

 

He seriously needs to grow a pair and deal with his wife, to impress upon her that the estate (you, as executor), having to retain an attorney to deal with them, will only REDUCE the amount of inheritance they will receive.

 

I believe you mentioned before that your Dad wouldn't want his estate to be drained by attorneys battling for opposing family members, as had happened in his family in the past, but they're giving you no choice.

 

Maybe a good ol' 'come to Jesus' meeting with your BROTHER, not his Battle-axe wife, would help them see the light.

 

If not, an estate paid attorney and billing the estate for you performing the duties required as executor, may be your only choice with these two.

 

Just my opinion, but do keep us posted!

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,892
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

I would grow up and stop trying to control everything.

 

It is time to work together, resolve any issues and heal together.  Constant creation of conflicts when there is none is districtive.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.
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Super Contributor
Posts: 367
Registered: ‎01-07-2012

@hyacinth003 @KingstonsMom  I think IG's suggestion of a meeting is spot on; however, I would have such a meeting at the attorney's office and let him explain that they are causing you extra work which will from this point on be charged to the estate.  This is going to reduce the amount they will receive as their inheritance.  If there are any legal repercussions to opening mail not addressed to them, picking up papers that are meant for the executor, etc., now is the time for the lawyer to explain all that.  He could also make sure they understand that this meeting is being charged to the estate, as will any future meetings.  If they are as greedy as I think they are, this might cause them to back off.  It just might be money well spent.

 

Good luck with all of this.  Grief and the prospect of money make people do strange things.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,457
Registered: ‎08-28-2010

When my parents passed away, I put in a change of address with USPS so their mail would automatically come to my home.  I also contacted the companies they were doing business with to let them know they (parents) were deceased and settled any accounts.

 

Since your brother and SIL appear to be passive-aggressive, I would suggest you do a change of address for your father as it doesn't seem like you can depend on the assist-living facility.

 

@hyacinth003 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,959
Registered: ‎05-21-2010

@CrazyDaisy wrote:

I would grow up and stop trying to control everything.

 

It is time to work together, resolve any issues and heal together.  Constant creation of conflicts when there is none is districtive.


I have to agree with this. If they are opening mail that is addressed to your brother what's the problem? It sounds like your brother received your father's mail prior to your father's passing. So it is quite possible that this mail is coming to your brother in his name and he has a right to open mail addressed to him. If this is so upsetting and stressing to you why not make an appointment with an attorney take the will and all of final bills and bank and other account statements, deeds to property and let the attorney handle everything. Ask the attorney to send a certified letter to your brother and SIL instructing them not to open anything addressed to your dad. The relationship with your brother is most likely ruined over this and I think it is a shame that money would come between you and your brother.  I just don't understand why you keep asking strangers on this forum for advice on how to handle your dad's estate.  How many ways can people say see an atorney and be done with it?