What would you do in this funeral situation? - Page 7

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

Hubby works for a Funeral Home part time now in retirement....

He suggests that you wait until they have decided what kind of service there will be. Sometimes with a cremation it is immediate family only.......or they have the person cremated and have a Memorial service at another time....

I would send a nice card.....

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@JCF I hope you don't feel bad about picking up the phone when she was ill. You can't fault yourself for past behavior and it sounds like she wouldn't have picked up a phone for you if the situation was reversed.

I tried really hard to get to know my cousin when I moved down here where she grew up 15 years ago. I was quickly met with a best friend of hers who attacked me for being a "Yankee" and a Satanist because I dared not to be a Southern Baptist. Sorry, I couldn't speak when I was baptised at 6 weeks old to protest the Catholic Church both my parents belonged to. My cousin converted as an adult.

After about 5 minutes of this woman's insanity, I looked at my cousin and said, "You want to jump in here?" I was handling myself just fine and frankly making fun of her in a subtle but pointed way because she was so ridiculous.

I know I was being entertaining but I would never let a friend be disrespectful to my family members, close or not. It's your job to reign in your "friend" not mine. And even though I was funny, the situation was not and her friend's antics definitely were not.

After that, there were definite taking advantage of me issues culminating in a very poor incident on her part also involving this friend. She knew at that point she and I were done and we haven't really intereacted since except at the occasional family event.

Anyway, I have actually been more and more hurt with everything as time goes on this week. Maybe I shouldn't be but I just am.

If you can text the entire family including me two weeks ago about a separate family event, you can add my number to the same text that goes out about your mom's (my aunt's) illness or the funeral information. I'm not sure why I suddenly ceased to be a family member.

My sister also made a comment on a text between me and my mom like I didn't exist either as an attendee for this funeral and that hurt too. I have no idea what I've done or didn't do in the past two weeks to be an outcast.

As a result, I have not reached out to either this cousin or her brother who I know even less at all. That's very wrong but I will attend with my mom on Saturday and make my sympathies in person. After that, once my uncle passes, I don't think I'll ever see this side of the family again.

This is total petty nonsense but they can't be going through any more hurt than they are. I'm keeping it to myself, making my prayers in private, will appear on Saturday for the two hours, and then I'm done and back to my own life.

I honestly don't know what else to do. Sometimes, family really hurts.

JCF · ‎08-12-2012

@Laura14: Thank. My husband knows how I feel about visiting funeral homes and the non-connection with "some" people. Basically, he said about the same as you, regarding my cousin. "You know there's a two way connection with all types of communications."

sunala · ‎03-09-2010

@Nuttmeg wrote:
I would attend the service. This will mean a lot to your family..

@Nuttmeg - hmmmm maybe, or maybe not.

"That's a great first pancake."
Lady Gaga, to Tony Bennett

Shop Till you Drop · ‎03-10-2010

I wouldnt attend with your Mom. If you havent seen the family in so many years, it would really look odd for you to show up. I am sorry, but it would look bad. We had people come to my Dad's funeral who had not seen him or my family in years and we still talk about them coming to this day, 15 years later. Just no reason for you to go. you wouldnt be a part of the conversations, becasue you have not history with them, you would be a stranger to them. You are kind to say your prayers, the very best you can or should do.

shoptilyadropagain · ‎03-19-2014

@Shop Till you Drop wrote:
I wouldnt attend with your Mom. If you havent seen the family in so many years, it would really look odd for you to show up. I am sorry, but it would look bad. We had people come to my Dad's funeral who had not seen him or my family in years and we still talk about them coming to this day, 15 years later. Just no reason for you to go. you wouldnt be a part of the conversations, becasue you have not history with them, you would be a stranger to them. You are kind to say your prayers, the very best you can or should do.

When my dad passed away three years ago, our family felt just the opposite. He came from a fairly large family and just didn't keep in contact with a lot of his distant family (cousins, etc.) nor former co-workers. Alot of those people came to his viewing and some even came for his funeral. We were actually touched that they came to pay their respects to my dad and our family.

I probably need to reread your original post but I don't recall there being any sort of drama betweeen everyone but, rather, you just drafted apart as you all have your own families. Personally, I wouldn't dream of not going whether I was kept updated on the now deceased aunt or not. And, I've never heard of an invitation to a funeral unless it's a private service for the immediate family. Even then, I'd probably still go.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Author Unknown