What would you do in this funeral situation? - Page 6

ScenicMaine · ‎09-21-2018

If it were me, I wouldn't attend.

You & your cousins had no closeness for so long, but the prayers you've been sending to your aunt & cousins is very nice. Ask yourself how you would feel either way, by attending or not. Feel peace with yourself either way.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I think that during the time of loss, when people haven't been close for whatever reason, it isn't the time to do 'different'. If you have been separate from these folks for so many years, for whatever reason or for no reasons, it isn't the time to just show up, or to even contact them and feel out the situation about you going, in my opinion.

I would send flowers and a card with a note, offer any help or support in writing, as it is the kind and proper thing to do. But there has been space between you all for some reason, and people are very sensitive now, so pushing the envelope is probably not a good idea at this time.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

I wouldn't go.

lovesrecess · ‎03-14-2010

I would contact your cousins and offer condolences in the loss of their mother. Send flowers or a sympathy card. I think it is entirely appropriate for you to attend unless there is some sort of conflict or bad blood between you and your cousins. You are very kind to be concerned.

Spacrazy · ‎12-14-2018

Send a floral or honorarium in deceased persons honor or at least a heartfelt note like you’ve done here. It’s obvious that you care and that is what they need right now. Blessings to you all.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@Laura14 wrote:
After talking with my mom, they are actually doing two services on Saturday. So much for simple. My mom and sister did change their plans so they are going to the earlier one.

I didn't get an invitation to the funeral.

My mom forwarded it to me so I will be accompanying her. I am still thinking of sending a note to my cousins but I am not sure after the non-invite. My presence might just speak for itself.

Either they really think I am on the text or my cousin is being ridiculous for some unknown reason. Either way, I'm going and will just stay out of their way for two hours.

I said my prayers for my aunt and others tonight with an intended repeat performance on Saturday by myself if necessary so I think I'm good.

I can not thank you all enough for your advice.

Two services probably means there is one open to the general public, and another one just for invited guests.

I can understand the need to restrict the number of guests at the second one, since I just went through this with my husbands service. The cost for a luncheon was $65/guest. However, given your relationship to your relative, you would be on the invited list, in my world.

insomniac2 · ‎02-20-2016

Personally, I'm offended that you were not included. I would chip in for flowers, making sure the card includes your first name. Forget seeing anyone in person.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

I guess I don't see a problem. It's a relative and it sounds like you care. Your mom and sisters kept you informed. What difference does it make that your cousins didn't send you a personal update or invitation to the funeral. Go to the funeral. It's an hour or two and might open doors between your cousins and you. Even if it doesn't, you paid your respects. IMO, do the right thing because it's the right thing to do.

JCF · ‎08-12-2012

@Laura14: Last November I was in a situation kind of like this.

I had a cousin whom I had seen a lot when we were kids, but our lives went in different directions as we got older and I had talked to her and or seen her three times since I moved away in 1996.

Anyway, my husband and I moved back near our home towns and I still had not seen her, but did ask about her when I talked to other cousins.

I was torn what to do when she passed away. I finally called her husband and we talked a while and I decided not to go to the funeral. I sent a donation to their faviorie charity.

The reason I didn't go and I told her husband that I have tried to live this rule,. If, I can't take the time to see or call someone (family and/or friend) during the years, I will not go to the funeral once they are gone. I know this sounds disrespectful, but I don't.

It just takes a few minutes to pick up the phone and call if one can't visit.

After all, we take the time to text, email and go on Facebook, which all take up our time, daily.

Now, if I could call her husband when she passed, why didn't I pick up the phone when she was well, ill and/or bedridden.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

Unless a funeral is private, I think it is open for all to attend. When my parents died ,we requested it be a private service ,in the obit

Their friends had all passed, as well as their sibs and other relatives. We kept it small and dignified as my parents wished. A few special life long friends attended. We took everyone to a restaurant, after it was over.

Do what you feel is right. Prayers, are indeed, a wonderful way to remember someone