What would you do in this funeral situation? - Page 5

grandma2pkmh · ‎08-04-2013

@Laura14 From reading your post it seems to me you are very hurt about being left out of the notices regarding the death of your aunt. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you saw her, it could have been yesterday and it would still hurt. Going to the service, in my opinion, would not heal the hurt and could possibly increase the hurt further if you got the "cold shoulder" from the cousins. I agree remembering her with a Mass card or donation is your best choice. Don't feel guilty for not going. I have been in your position and totally understand.

giraffe77 · ‎07-04-2015

During funerals, most people do not "remember" who was even in attendance. A sympathy card with a sweet message will be a lovely gesture.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@grandma2pkmh You are such a compassionate wise person.

I am very used to my family leaving me out of things. I would get it if I wasn't on a group text with both of my cousins a few months ago about their dad (my uncle) who is also in the same care home and has his challenges from time to time.

I know they both have my number. I understand they were leaving me and a few other people out during some of the crisises because we work and they didn't want our phones constantly buzzing.

However, I would think end of life would merit me being put back on the text or at least getting one. Apparently not.

The more I think about it you are probably right since I am not one to hide my feelings easily and I didn't do anything wrong here. And still, I have been fighting with myself all day about being the bigger person and honoring people who probably won't even show up for mine. I really need to stop that.

Gayle2 · ‎07-12-2011

My Dad passed away years ago unexpectedly. I did receive several sympahy cards (which I still have). Many of those who sent were people from my lives years ago etc. I guess what I am trying to say is that a card with a kind word written in goes a long way and it will be remembered.

riley1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Laura14 - I personally would not attend anything. You have not had them in your life and haven't seen them in a long time.

If your okay with not going then I say don't bother.

pigletsmom · ‎11-21-2011

I think showing up might actually put these people in an akward position. It sounds like whatever they are doing they're keeping it small. Has your mother been in touch with this lady for all of these years?

And if you did go it would just be as a formality and who wants that at their funeral. Send a card or if they want donations do that. More than enough in my opinion.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@pigletsmom No. She is her niece's mother and has seen her from time to time but not regular contact. I actually thought the same thing about awkward.

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@Laura14 I would not attend since you have not been included in any of the communication and i feel that @Libbylady had an excelent idea of ordering flowers or perhaps donating money to some medical cause.

kindness is strength

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

After talking with my mom, they are actually doing two services on Saturday. So much for simple. My mom and sister did change their plans so they are going to the earlier one.

I didn't get an invitation to the funeral.

My mom forwarded it to me so I will be accompanying her. I am still thinking of sending a note to my cousins but I am not sure after the non-invite. My presence might just speak for itself.

Either they really think I am on the text or my cousin is being ridiculous for some unknown reason. Either way, I'm going and will just stay out of their way for two hours.

I said my prayers for my aunt and others tonight with an intended repeat performance on Saturday by myself if necessary so I think I'm good.

I can not thank you all enough for your advice.