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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,697
Registered: ‎10-26-2010

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong

 

Oh, boy. Sorry this happened.

 

When you said people are taking sides, do you mean that some of the others think he's not responsible?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,857
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong

@blackhole99 we are all longtime friends who have spent years of summers together on the property so of course we didn’t get a contract signed.We all know the rules and expectations and they haven’t changed so there was no reason to suspect any issues or so we thought.This summer property has worked perfectly until this incident.We bought it when we were all poor but got a great foreclosure deal that made it possible and to this point it has been all good.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,704
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong


@dex wrote:

@blackhole99 we are all longtime friends who have spent years of summers together on the property so of course we didn’t get a contract signed.We all know the rules and expectations and they haven’t changed so there was no reason to suspect any issues or so we thought.This summer property has worked perfectly until this incident.We bought it when we were all poor but got a great foreclosure deal that made it possible and to this point it has been all good.


@dex  Wow, well then you know what to expect from each other, so it should be all good.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,182
Registered: ‎07-09-2011

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong

@dex 

 

I am sorry this happened to you.  Being badly treated by a friend is so discouraging and hurtful.

 

Fairness to everyone is highly important to me.  I can not stand seeing anyone / thing treated badly.  So, in order for me to be peaceful there, this would have to be corrected.

 

Hopefully all will be well.

 

 

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,857
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong

@Daisy Sunflower some think we should just say nothing that causes any ripples.We are a very non confrontational group for the most part.Some of the group are very close friends with him as they knew each other in school.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,513
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong

@dex 

Before we built a year-.round house and moved to the lake, we were warm-weather weekenders here for six months of the year. When we were gone, the water was turned off. That’s what your caretaker should have done, if he is caretaker, that is his job. Sticky situation if he is a co-owner, too. But the fault is his.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong


@dex wrote:

@Daisy Sunflower some think we should just say nothing that causes any ripples.We are a very non confrontational group for the most part.Some of the group are very close friends with him as they knew each other in school.


 

Sometimes there's good reason to make ripples.  This guy was irresponsible, and he needs to be called out on it and replaced.  Presumably you're all adults and there should be an adult conversation.  

 

You have the reasonable expectation that your property will be protected and that someone with the title of caregiver will do what a caregiver is supposed to do.  And not just when he feels like it.  (And shame on him for doing this to close friends who he's known since he was in school!)

 

I don't like to make waves either, and I hate confrontation.  But in a case like this for sure I would speak up.  Don't let this guy walk all over you and take advantage of the good nature of nice people.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,908
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong

I don't think your friend is being sensitive; he appears to be acting defensive because he knows in his heart he was in the wrong and now doesn't like being questioned.

 

I am sorry to hear this has come between people who have been friends for over 30 years.

 

You all need to gather and work out this caretaker situation.  If he and his wife are to remain and how the group is to handle the caretaker responsibilities when he goes on vacations/travels for long periods.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,196
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong

[ Edited ]

All of you own the property.  Split the repair and power bill costs and move on. 

 

It could have happened with the caretaker there too.

 

How do you know it's just the other person taking it wrong?  Perhaps it was how it was communicated too?  I'm not blaming you but I think it takes 2, or 3 owners in this case.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,455
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: What to say when someone is taking it wrong

I would be upset about this in your position and am glad that it wasn't worse, but I also think that it wasn't your place to speak to him as a single owner.  I think all of the owners should have had a quick conference call and decided how to approach the situation with this former owner/now caretaker as a group.  This is how you avoid people taking sides.

 

It is never going to be the way it was, trust was broken and there are bad feelings and drama.  If you have a lot of years ahead of you with this group and you want to smooth things over, you can consider apologizing for speaking out of turn and without going to the group first to determine the best course of action and say you were upset and not thinking clearly.  You can also consider sending a nice gift to the caretaker and hope that this is behind you and everyone moves on and nothing like this happens again.  Just brush it under the rug and hope everyone moves on.

 

If you don't want to go that route, then I think you need to double down and suggest a group meeting to decide as a group if this caretaker situation is going to work going forward.  You all might have to agree to make it more formal including supplementing the caretaker duties with a paid person of some sort who is reliable and has a contract to oversee the place when this person is not there and even when he's there.

 

 

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