What to do when you and spouse not on the same pag... - Page 10

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@isaboo , thank you for the update. If what you suspect is true, it is even more important to protect your financial affairs. Yours is not an easy situation and I wish you the best. Look after yourself emotionally and financially. LM

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@isaboo ...my sister is diagonsed Bi-Polar....I don't live near her but we used to be close, I have not seen her in years (nothing to do with her diagnosis).....before she was diagnosed she moved to my area 2x....I mean the entire house, kids, etc (with family help)...then with in a month moved back to her dh.....I believe she was in a manic state both times.

Take care and hopefully you can find a solution that works for you.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@isaboo wrote:
Husband wants to move to a different house. I don't like the house or the set up. It is in a rural area on the other side of town away from my church and other things I like. I like where I am at. He gets very angry with me when I don't agree with whatever he wants to do. He often gets a "wild hair" about things ( this would not be the first time he has had us move) I usually have to give in to keep the peace and stay married. I just don't want to do this especially now. It has already been a rough year dealing with my dad passing, my mom isn't doing well and our only son getting married - that was a happy time but still stressful. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

@isaboo

I apologize in advance if I sound like a smartazz, but are you really sure you want to stay married to this guy?

You didn't say WHY he wants to move again, which would be helpful.

IMO, you need to learn how to negotiate better with him .... and are getting what you want, as well. Any time you just give in to keep the peace, resentment builds. That's not good for your health .... and it further weakens the marriage.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@isaboo wrote:
Husband wants to move to a different house. I don't like the house or the set up. It is in a rural area on the other side of town away from my church and other things I like. I like where I am at. He gets very angry with me when I don't agree with whatever he wants to do. He often gets a "wild hair" about things ( this would not be the first time he has had us move) I usually have to give in to keep the peace and stay married. I just don't want to do this especially now. It has already been a rough year dealing with my dad passing, my mom isn't doing well and our only son getting married - that was a happy time but still stressful. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

@isaboo

I apologize in advance if I sound like a smartazz, but are you really sure you want to stay married to this guy?

You didn't say WHY he wants to move again, which would be helpful.

IMO, you need to learn how to negotiate better with him .... and are getting what you want, as well. Any time you just give in to keep the peace, resentment builds. That's not good for your health .... and it further weakens the marriage.

I agree.

You're right when you say that resentment builds if someone continually gives in just to keep the peace. And what also happens is that the other person doesn't realize that their partner is feeling like a martyr so they come to expect easy-going, "Sure, that's okay" responses. If something is important, we need to speak up, not give in because it's easier.

Communication is SO important, especially in a marriage. We don't know the OP or her husband, so it's hard to know their dynamic. But not communicating effectively and simply giving in is unfair to the other person and damages the relationship. Doing what's easiest is not always what's best - for everyone's sake.

I had an amazing father, but he had a temper. My mother is much more mild-mannered, and she let him rant and rave, but she didn't give in to everything he wanted. She let him have his say (in his way), and then she had her say (in her own way). His temper was a given, but it was not an excuse. A marriage shouldn't be based on the "winner" being the one who yells the loudest.

(If this guy is crazy scary or violent in any way, that's obviously a different story.)