Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same... - Page 7

sissel · ‎08-13-2010

I think you said your son is getting married this year & other things so just wait another year before starting a new project. There is no rush for this now. While he is waiting tell him to get all the info he can with dog breeding & expenses together. There will be other houses for sale too. Maybe while doing his research he may find a partner willing to work with him. Wish he would find another investment than dog breeding so afraid it may fail & you will lose money. Did you see the dog show on TV those people are so devoted & travel show to show also the expense too. It takes up your life but these people love it.

isaboo · ‎03-13-2010

Thank you all for your advice and input. I know that we will need to compromise and I am willing to do that even though I don't want to move at all. Dogs have always been his passion but the dogs that he is wanting to breed are very expensive. When he got his new puppy - which I didn't really want, I thought that would make him happy- we already have 3 dogs that he just had to have. But I had no idea that it was going to turn into this. When I do retire we won't be able to go anywhere and he will expect me to be a part of it. To a degree I don't mind but it isn't what I want to have to do all the time. I am afraid once the new wears off - then there we will be. He often gets these ideas that make s no sense. He is an advid golfer most of our married life that is costly but I am fine with it. He had to have a corvette which again I did not think was a good idea - that lasted about 4 months there has been other things that were not as vast but they too have past. We are not wealthy. If I try and disagree it really just makes him soooo mad. Then comes the put-downs and how I just don't want to do anything. I know I need counseling I just don't know how to go about it.

Rockycoast · ‎03-02-2016

@isaboo When is it your turn to be happy? Do you want to live the rest of your life like this? With someone who doesn't give a ****** about you.

@isaboo wrote:
Thank you all for your advice and input. I know that we will need to compromise and I am willing to do that even though I don't want to move at all. Dogs have always been his passion but the dogs that he is wanting to breed are very expensive. When he got his new puppy - which I didn't really want, I thought that would make him happy- we already have 3 dogs that he just had to have. But I had no idea that it was going to turn into this. When I do retire we won't be able to go anywhere and he will expect me to be a part of it. To a degree I don't mind but it isn't what I want to have to do all the time. I am afraid once the new wears off - then there we will be. He often gets these ideas that make s no sense. He is an advid golfer most of our married life that is costly but I am fine with it. He had to have a corvette which again I did not think was a good idea - that lasted about 4 months there has been other things that were not as vast but they too have past. We are not wealthy. If I try and disagree it really just makes him soooo mad. Then comes the put-downs and how I just don't want to do anything. I know I need counseling I just don't know how to go about it.

isaboo · ‎03-13-2010

Is there something wrong with being happy or content with where you are?

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@isaboo wrote:
Is there something wrong with being happy or content with where you are?

@isaboo- No, there is not. It seems your husband is not a person who is able to find contentment.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

Right down the street from me is a beautiful all brick home a man built for himself and his wife to live in.

His wife told him that she did not want a new home and she would not move. He bought the land anyway and went ahead with his plans.

When the home was completed, it went up for sale. I suppose she was serious. The house is super nice and high end. I am good friends with the people who purchased it.

IYour DH sounds like a friend of my husband's. He is always buying something new and looking for new adventures, but he is never happy. He likes to buy things, but once he has them, he is not interested in them anymore and is on to something else.

i feel sorry for his wife; to keep peace she puts up with it. She has never worked and feels she has no say. They move a lot and he is always driving a different car. He has even purchased new furniture and she had no idea until it was delivered.

i can't tell you what to do, but since you asked what I would do, I'll tell you.

I would say NO. Deep down you know that you will be taking care of his animals in short order when he gets bored with breeding. That will be a full time job.....his way of getting you to retire, perhaps?

You are not at the age where you want a difficult task that is 24/7/365. You will be busy and not able to go on vacations or day trips. Do you want to enjoy future grandchildren or be stuck home tending dogs? Your life will not be yours anymore.

You already know what is right. I suggest you do the right thing for you. Put yourself first. If your DH does not get his own way this time, he will get over it when he has another harebrained area.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@isaboo You have to consider what your situation would be if he fell ill, or something happened to him. Don't let yourself get stranded in a situation you couldn't cope with.

I think counseling is a great idea for you or both of you. If someone is using anger to control you, sometimes it can be very helpful.

I am assuming you are not afraid of him physically. If that is a factor, then we are talking about something else alltogether.

lolakimono · ‎03-29-2012

@isaboo

Assuming that you have health insurance, as you are the one who is working...

If I were you I would go to my insurance's website, find a counselor in your area who accepts your insurance, and get an appointment ASAP.

I didn't see where you said how long you had been married, but sometimes even a life sentence means parole for good behavior.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@isaboo One other thought: Are you keeping up with the plans for the dog business and fully aware of what he is planning? If not, get in the know now and get an accountant, with or without his approval, and a lawyer if you feel it might come to that. Make friends with the people at the financial institutions where your money is too. Be sure you can do online banking and keep up with the accounts.

You need to arm yourself with knowledge about your finances AND his financial plans right now and gather a team of people to intervene if need be on your behalf.

This is your life you are talking about here. Not a car, not golf, but plans that could greatly affect your financial situation and the rest of your life. Don't take it lightly.

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@isaboo wrote:
Husband wants to move to a different house. I don't like the house or the set up. It is in a rural area on the other side of town away from my church and other things I like. I like where I am at. He gets very angry with me when I don't agree with whatever he wants to do. He often gets a "wild hair" about things ( this would not be the first time he has had us move) I usually have to give in to keep the peace and stay married. I just don't want to do this especially now. It has already been a rough year dealing with my dad passing, my mom isn't doing well and our only son getting married - that was a happy time but still stressful. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

@isaboo These sentences bother me. You've accepted his behavior all this time without counsel and this will be no different.

You know this. You will give in and move, resent it, and in the end his control will be the way this marriage rolls.

I don't know all about your whole life with this man but you sound more afraid of him than anything else. Fearing another person's anger and caving into it is called something else.

Figure this out with a professional person; the issue is about something else underneath your giving in and his angry wild hairs. Go alone if you have to.

Nobody here can tell you what to do about this house; you will have to find professional guidance not just about this move but about dealing with an angry spouse and thinking your marriage depends upon "keeping the peace".

I sincerely wish you all the best.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh