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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,734
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?


@KathyM23 wrote:

After your explanation, I see why your husband wants to move.  It is not for the house which he doesn't care about but that you would have to give up a lot to live in.  In this case, no matter what it takes, I would absolutely refuse to sell the house and move.

 

Wonder where he got the idea of breeding dogs.  Does he actually know anything about it?  It is a lot of work and, now don't you posters get mad at me, but I think it is a cruel thing to do to produce income.  Breeder dogs do not generally have a good life and since your husband wants the outbuilding that goes with the property, it sounds like he plans to have many dogs breeding and living in that outbuilding, perhaps in cages.  I would put my foot down hard (probably on his foot!)  

 

I took in a rescue that was a breeder dog (enough said that she was a breeder and needed rescued.)

 

If your husband knows nothing or very little about dog breeding, it sounds like a "wild hair" and if he actually gets to go into this, he may shortly find it is not all he is thinking it is, decide to quit and you are now stuck with this house and property.  Sounds like a very poor idea to me and I would positively not do it no matter what it takes.


sounds like he wants to be a "backyard breeder" they're the worst.  their main goal is to make money off the poor females, forced into litter after litter.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,321
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?

I read all of the responses and I agree with those that said "absolutely do not move."

 

Just from the little bit that you've written, it sounds like you're husband is impetuous and feeling restless.

 

I think you need to stand your ground in this and tell him no moving. 

 

Marriage is a partnership, but what he is proposing is a life changing move and it's not fair if you are not on board.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,630
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?

He's not going start listening to or respecting you now.  Not at this late date when he's accustomed to getting his way and accustomed to you giving in to anything he wants just to keep the peace.  This is the marriage you have.  If he goes to church too; you might consider speaking with him honestly in the presense of your pastor.  You trying to talk to him alone isn'g going to get your anywhere.  You might also try putting your reasons for not wanting to move to the house he has chosen down in writing.  He probably has good reasons for wanting to move; perhaps, you can do what most couples would do and compromise.  Move.  But choose a house that gives each of you something.  Neither of you should have such a big decision all your way.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,557
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?

I believe in compromising, but this time I'd say "dear I've given in to you many times, but I will not move." Sure there are two sides to every story, but from what the OP has written, I think the husband is accustomed to getting his way and it should stop with this move.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,630
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?

I must be the only one who read what she said.  It sounds like they have been married a very long time and it's 100% obvious that if thos woman had the ability to tell him to leave and then SUPPORT herself in her home....she would.  That's the woman's dilemna, he has the income and she doesn't.  She also said that she has always given in to him.  Small things, big things, medium things.  He dictates....she gives in.  Anyone who is in a marriage knows that after a long time, a marriage has dynamics and afte 30, 40, 50 years of marriage...you don't change the dynamics of a marriage.  At this point she cannot stop being who she is and he cannot stop being who he is.  He stopped listening to her years ago so if she's smart, she has get someone he respects to intercede.  It also means, she'll have to compromise in some way....to keep the peace.  Or Course, if I am wrong and if she has the money to support herself and her home in the manner that pleases her, then she doesn't really have a problem.  She can tell him to move wherever she wants, she doesn't need him for anything.  She can stay in her home.

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Super Contributor
Posts: 490
Registered: ‎07-10-2011

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?

[ Edited ]

@Chrystaltree, in post 21 the OP said she is working and her 53 year old husband retired 3 years ago. Their house is paid for and she has a job. I am sure she could afford to support herself.

 

He wants to move so that he can breed dogs.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,681
Registered: ‎08-28-2010

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?

To the OP:

You're the only one who knows your husband.  Some people leave separately and stay married.  Community property states, he cannot sell the house w/o your consent.  Either he or you can buy each other out and he can buy a small house and fund his business of breeding dogs (like the world needs another dog breeder).  If you do not wish to sell your home and move with him on his folly then tell him so and let the chips fall where they may.  If the dog breeding business is not successful then, you'll probably be moving yet again.

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Posts: 6,993
Registered: ‎07-15-2016

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?


@Isaboo wrote:

Husband wants to move to a different house. I don't like the house or the set up. It is in a rural area on the other side of town away from my church and other things I like.  I like where I am at.  He gets very angry with me when I don't agree with whatever he wants to do. He often gets a "wild hair" about things ( this would not be the first time he has had us move)  I usually have to give in to keep the peace and stay married. I just don't want to do this especially now. It has already been a rough year dealing with my dad passing, my mom isn't doing well and our only son getting married - that was a happy time but still stressful.  Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.


@Isaboo 

 

That certainly set off an alarm!  Looking back ... my situation was similar and if I had it to do over ... I wouldn't move.  Get some outside help / counseling.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,720
Registered: ‎09-12-2010

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?

I'm so sorry for you being in this situation. I don't mean to be unkind, but your husband needs to grow up and take some responsibility for his life, although at 53 I doubt that will happen. It is absolutely unrealistic for you to even consider selling your paid-for home in an area that you love so that you can move to the country where he has a hair-brain idea that he's going to breed dogs. You don't want to do this, and I would strongly encourage you to tell him no - you will not sell your home and you will not be a part of his dog-breeding ideas. Enlist your son if at all possible (if he will support you)...if not,do it on your own and stop giving in to your husband. I think there has been some great advice on this thread....please be strong for yourself and tell him you will not move again. If he wants to venture out on his own, then so be it. I would honestly start talking with an attorney regarding your rights.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,215
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: What to do when you and spouse not on the same page?


@gidgetgh wrote:

@house_cat wrote:

At 60 years old and almost 40 years married, I'm just now learning to stick up for myself.  My husband is a loving man and has never been abusive in any way, but I have tendency to do what he wants just to keep things happy.  I don't know if it's just in my nature, or if that's the way most of us girls were raised.


 

@house_cat - boy, THIS 63 year old girl wasn’t raised that way. No way. 


 

I wasn't raised that way either.  I was raised to believe that I deserve to be treated with just as much respect as anyone else, male or female.