Among Friends

[isaboo]

Thank you all for your input. Just a bit about us - The house we currently live in is newer,bigger and in probably the more current part of town.  The other is smaller, very basic but it has a shop and 6 acres which he is wanting because now he wanting to bread dogs 😒. Our current house is paid for.  I am nearly 62 and still working which irritates him. He is 53 and retired 3 years ago which was too early. Once again it was what he wanted but I tried to be supportive.  

[CelticCrafter]

You've allowed yourself to become a door mat.

[RetRN]

Why do women stay married to men like this? Happiness sure beats misery. These men are emotionally abusive and know that the wife will tolerate it. Sad, posting here is not the answer. 

[riley1]

@isaboo- Wow, I couldn't agree with everything my spouse wants just to stay married and keep the peace. That is just not in my nature.

He retired quite young - maybe he needs a part time job to keep him busy?

You say he wants to breed dogs - does he have any idea about breeding animals? It is quite an undertaking and can be an expensive proposition. And, if he is purchasing dogs from a reputable breeder, you usually have to sign papers stating you won't breed the animal and you have to send a signed certificate stating you had the animal spayed/neutered.

You might also check to see if you need some kind of license to run this type of business.If he is thinking dollar signs for selling dogs, there is a lot that goes into it then just selling dogs. Food, shots and keeping them for up to 12 weeks depending on the breed.

Breeding animals takes a lot of time/patience & experience. Not something to just jump into. 

[kittyloo]

so it sounds like you have a nice newer house in a good neighborhood, and dh wants to move to a small rural house with acerage, so he can breed dogs???  i could make a long list, why this sounds like a bad idea. 

he needs a part time job, and to visit a few dog shelters.

no, no, no.

[RedTop]

My take is your husband is bored, and thinks dog breeding will be his new hobby.   I would hope he has some knowledge of this ginormous responsibility before just jumping in.   If your husband sets this up right, it will be a VERY expensive hobby; proper dog housing, fenced runs, major food expense, many vet bills, and will seriously tie him down.   He will need to spend A LOT of money before he ever starts making any money.   And making money depends on many, many things that he likely hasn’t even thought about.   Caring for the dogs will be a 24/7/365 job.  It will take years before he has a profitable business.

I personally would be interested in the move just for the 6 acres of land, but is the land really conducive to what your husband has in mind?   Your new neighbors are not going to be happy with barking dogs 24/7, and outside dogs bark a lot.  

I would not be happy to leave my nice home, and live in a basic home unless house projects took as much priority as his dog breeding plans.    I would start writing down your $$ ideas for making that basic house the kind of home that you could live in, and make it clear you want the house fixed up front before he ever spends a dime towards his new hobby idea.   

This indeed sounds like a “wild hair”; figure out a way to ****** this in the bud by thinking of all the expenses your husband wouldn’t normally see until he’s in over his head.   

[dulwich]

It seems he retired too early and is looking for a new venture.  Moving to a rural area to breed dogs- unless this has been his life long ambition - does not seem a good idea to me and you would need to give 100% support.  Moving another big decision to be made by both of you not just one.

Cannot tell you what to do - this is your marriage, your life and only you know how to handle it.

I am sorry for your predicament but there comes a time when you have to know what you do and do not want and, unfortunately, whether it is worth the fight though I hope it gets solved calmly for you as you have a lot on your plate.  Hope it works out well for you.

[libbyannE]

@isaboo 

Yikes. My husband and I have always been equal partners. Neither of us could or would put the other one into such a situation. And neither of us would let ourselves be put into that position, either. If we didn’t agree on something, such as a home, we would keep looking til we found one we both loved. I cannot imagine the kind of person your husband is if he thinks it’s ok to make such a unilateral decision. Sorry to be so blunt, but my husband and I respect each other too much to ever do anything like that. We may argue (we do!) and negotiate, but one of us doesn’t simply decide and tell the other what to do. You have to stand up for yourself, but if you’ve never done that, I see why your husband assumes he can be the dictator.

[sissel]

 This sounds more like a business venture. If he wants to breed dogs he should check into as much info as he can. He will also need to hire help because this is a 24/7 job. Can he just buy a kennel or something for this purpose? He needs to talk to someone about expense & laws. What will happen in a few yrs if this does not make money. Or can you just buy the house let him live there & come back & forth to live in your house? A lot of people own 2 houses a vacation 1 & prime 1. I don't know how much experience he has but he should volunteer at an animal shelter for a few months to get experience. Living there with all that barking would drive in nuts. Most people buy rescue pets, I know I do.

[Azcowgirl]

My heart goes out to you...this is  tough situation . It’s miserable to move to a house and area you don’t like. I’ve been there, but just in temporary rentals until we found a house to purchase that we both liked. I sure hope this works out for you .