What should I do? - Page 10

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@50Mickey wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@hyacinth003 wrote:
I told her no, and she has been very upset.

She got pretty mouthy to me and I told her to leave my room and don't talk to me.

I told her we are concerned for HER safety driving alone in the middle of the night and he had choices and alternatives. If he didn't take them, that was his decision.

We have allowed, many times, her to drive him to eye doctor appointments (they dilate his eyes - no driving) and many other times. I like him and am very sympathetic to him.

And I feel hurt that we have been nothing but supportive of her and she got so nasty. I am hoping she will apologize and understand, but we'll see!

Hyacinth
When you treat an adult like a child and control every aspect of their life, expect some pushback or worse.
She is living in their home, driving their car and according to her mother, they are supporting her 100%. So yes are treating her as an adult who is completely dependent on them. Dosen't mean they are treating her as a child. She may be acting like a child by mouthing off and being unreasonable. Parents need to stand their ground on this one. Don't know where this man lives or works but I do know that Chicago has good public transportation. If he is unable for some valid reason to utilize the CTA especially to go to work at 4:00 pm (??), he can call for Uber or Lyft. Once they start driving him to and from work it becomes hard to stop. My take on all of this is that this is something that the daughter wants to do and she is mad because her parents have said no. I have been there with kids when you have to say no and it is not fun but daughter will get over it.

We as parents do have some say when our adult children are dependent on us.

If this was the op's daughters own car and insurance, I would allow this.

NickNack · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
I told her no, and she has been very upset.

She got pretty mouthy to me and I told her to leave my room and don't talk to me.

I told her we are concerned for HER safety driving alone in the middle of the night and he had choices and alternatives. If he didn't take them, that was his decision.

We have allowed, many times, her to drive him to eye doctor appointments (they dilate his eyes - no driving) and many other times. I like him and am very sympathetic to him.

And I feel hurt that we have been nothing but supportive of her and she got so nasty. I am hoping she will apologize and understand, but we'll see!

Hyacinth

@hyacinth003 Thanks for letting us know the outcome. I was wondering and had been checking this post for updates. In time I'll bet she will come to realize that your decision was correct.

The Bluebird Carries The Sky On His Back"
-Henry David Thoreau

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@50Mickey wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@hyacinth003 wrote:
I told her no, and she has been very upset.

She got pretty mouthy to me and I told her to leave my room and don't talk to me.

I told her we are concerned for HER safety driving alone in the middle of the night and he had choices and alternatives. If he didn't take them, that was his decision.

We have allowed, many times, her to drive him to eye doctor appointments (they dilate his eyes - no driving) and many other times. I like him and am very sympathetic to him.

And I feel hurt that we have been nothing but supportive of her and she got so nasty. I am hoping she will apologize and understand, but we'll see!

Hyacinth
When you treat an adult like a child and control every aspect of their life, expect some pushback or worse.
She is living in their home, driving their car and according to her mother, they are supporting her 100%. So yes are treating her as an adult who is completely dependent on them. Dosen't mean they are treating her as a child. She may be acting like a child by mouthing off and being unreasonable. Parents need to stand their ground on this one. Don't know where this man lives or works but I do know that Chicago has good public transportation. If he is unable for some valid reason to utilize the CTA especially to go to work at 4:00 pm (??), he can call for Uber or Lyft. Once they start driving him to and from work it becomes hard to stop. My take on all of this is that this is something that the daughter wants to do and she is mad because her parents have said no. I have been there with kids when you have to say no and it is not fun but daughter will get over it.

It appears that she has no trust in her daughters decision making ability so uses things to control her.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

I am guessing her dd picking her friend up every 4:00 am would wake the household up. Especially, if they have jobs,

WaJa61 · ‎09-10-2012

Hang in there, @hyacinth003... Not easy, I know. By no fault of yours or her own, your daughter reacts in an irrational, childlike manner. Perhaps thinking of some other way for her to support her dear friend during this difficult time may help her to calm down. It's likely more about her feeling frustrated with necessary limitations than her friend's need for transportation. Surely he knows of the various services available to him, including co-workers.

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

@hyacinth003 I agree with you.I would encourage him to use Uber.Your daughter has to realize that you’re paying her way.The car she would use belongs to you.You pay for insurance & upkeep.Therefore, you get to make the decision,period.

That’s why they call it tough love!! Good luck!!

Misplaced Parisian · ‎07-21-2015

@hyacinth003 wrote:
I told her no, and she has been very upset.

She got pretty mouthy to me and I told her to leave my room and don't talk to me.

I told her we are concerned for HER safety driving alone in the middle of the night and he had choices and alternatives. If he didn't take them, that was his decision.

We have allowed, many times, her to drive him to eye doctor appointments (they dilate his eyes - no driving) and many other times. I like him and am very sympathetic to him.

And I feel hurt that we have been nothing but supportive of her and she got so nasty. I am hoping she will apologize and understand, but we'll see!

Hyacinth

@hyacinth003 Thank you for updating us. I'm so sorry you are hurt, I'm so sorry she was "mouthy" to you. You are doing the best thing for everyone involved. It's not easy to be the wise, caring maman you are. You are doing beautifully. Hang in there.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@hyacinth003 I would be tempted to tell my daughter "maybe it's time you get your own place," since she doesn't like being told "no."

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
I told her no, and she has been very upset.

She got pretty mouthy to me and I told her to leave my room and don't talk to me.

I told her we are concerned for HER safety driving alone in the middle of the night and he had choices and alternatives. If he didn't take them, that was his decision.

We have allowed, many times, her to drive him to eye doctor appointments (they dilate his eyes - no driving) and many other times. I like him and am very sympathetic to him.

And I feel hurt that we have been nothing but supportive of her and she got so nasty. I am hoping she will apologize and understand, but we'll see!

Hyacinth

@hyacinth003

PLEASE don't let her wear you down and cause you to change your mind. It's his probem to solve, not hers, and it's not like he's marrying her soon ... they are just good friends, and I wouldn't think he would want to endanger her by driving in the middle of the night.

BirkiLady · ‎02-22-2015

@hyacinth003Why are you asking about this? She's applying for disability, living at home and not working . . . yet it would possibly be an option to leave your home at 4:00 AM and drive your vehicle? What about HER health issues that you've talked about here? Painful and depression. How is a disruption in her sleep going to affect those issues. There is no time limit on this possible arrangement, which could prove to be disasterous. Too many red flags IMO. What's wrong with this picture, you ask? EVERYTHING!

You seem concerned about an accident or the cost of higher insurance as a result of an accident. I'm concerned about her safety at 4:00 AM. What is a single female doing out at that hour? Anyone else will wonder, too. She would become a target for anyone up-to-no-good and/or known criminals wandering the streets of Chicago.

I'm not going to comment my further thoughts. Enough said. Best wishes on the "friend" finding other means of transportation. That is HIS problem; not hers. Certainly not yours.

ETA: Thanks for the update. Not surprised she's upset. She didn't get her way. Don't expect an apology; it's not going to happen. But you'll have a daughter safely at home. That guy is apparently capable of getting TO work by himself; why is he asking for your daughter to help him get home? Seems like an unreasonable request at the hour. It doesn't make any sense. Keep saying "NO." Sounds like she needs to hear it often.

Money screams; wealth whispers.