Among Friends

[hyacinth003]

My 31 year old daughter lives with my husband and I.  We are supporting her 100% due to her inability to work.  She has applied for disability, and we had a court date for October 19, but it was cancelled.  Seem the judge quit over a scandal!  We waited a year and a half for the court date.

She lives with us and uses our vehicles.  A male friend of hers (used to date, are now friends) had a serious car accident about 2 weeks ago.  He is a type 1 diabetic, and had a low blood sugar episode and the car went off the road.  He wasn't hurt, nor were any other cars involved.  However, this was reported to the Secretary of State.  They have suspended his license pending medical clearance and their "review board."

He cannot get an appointment with his doctor till the end of the month, and who knows how long the review will take.  So this leaves him unable to drive to work.  He works like 6pm to 4am.  His father is also a type 1 diabetic with vision impairment.  He is not supposed to drive at night, leaving her friend in a world of hurt.  He drove him last night and I think it didn't go so well.

He has asked my daughter if she will drive him HOME from work at 4am.  She is willing to do it, but I am really concerned.  He has offered payment, but my concerns aren't just that.  It is November in Chicagoland and we ARE going to get bad weather.  She would have to drive dark, not busy, roads to get there and back.  I would worry every time she did it.  I have tentatively told her that I don't think I will give permission for this.

She is upset, as he is a good friend, and I feel bad about it too.  He's kind of out of options other than his father driving him (if even possible in the long term).

Sorry this is long.  What would you say - yes or no.  So far, I am leaning no.

Hyacinth

[hopi]

Tons of Ubers in Chicago, he can pay them.

[occasionalrain]

I would tell her of my concern and allow her to drive him temporarily while he finds another solution. Could he get a ride with a co-worker or ask to work a different shift or extra hours/fewer days until he's permitted to drive again? What about Uber or Lyft?

[Kachina624]

@hyacinth003.  Ask you daughter what her plan is for the pre-dawn morning when she awakens to find 10" of new snow and no plows out yet.

[willomenia]

She's 31! Why are you enabling her? Does she live on the streets if you and your husband pass away? You have to tell her to get her act together. If you weren't around what would she do? Thats wha t she needs to do.

[MarkeieMark]

He had a serious car accident, and now he wants her to drive him in the dark in the middle of winter?  And it's your car, and you are asking what you should do?

How is this an issue?

[January121]

If she is disabled & unable to work then in my opinion she should NOT be driving alone in the middle of night using YOUR vehicle..... it is one thing to try & help her friend & it’s another thing to risk her safety .... he should not be asking her to do this & obviously does not care about her safety .... I would not allow her to drive your car & flatly tell her so ... my answer is NO .... HE CAN CALL CAR SERVICE!!!!!

[mintedrose]

wow ok this is very simple, first of all he needs to take UBER! there are tons of them around and very safe everyone takes uber these days. I dont care if its a friends or family when stuff has already happened and its gotten messy, he needs to take uber. Put your foot down. 

[hyacinth003]

Have never done Uber or any car service.  I think this is a great idea for her to suggest to him.

Thanks for that idea.

Hyacinth

[hyacinth003]

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@willomenia wrote:
She's 31! Why are you enabling her? Does she live on the streets if you and your husband pass away? You have to tell her to get her act together. If you weren't around what would she do? Thats wha t she needs to do.

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We don't enable her.  She worked until she was unable to do it anymore.  Was mostly a safety issue as she had even fallen at work.  Plus, employers will only try to accommodate things up to a point, depending on your job.

It's a long story I have posted about before.  She is a physical and increasingly psychological mess due to her physical problems.  We are now waiting on another court date for her disability case.  She is a college graduate that we NEVER could have seen this coming.  She was super active until becoming disabled.  I pray multiple times a day that she get better so she can have a real life.  She's very independent and would LOVE to be out on her own!

Hyacinth