What's with all the "HUGGING"?

RinaRina · ‎03-13-2010

I work with a group of people who always "hug" eachother. They give eachother fist bumps, hand clasps, shoulder slams and then hug.

Yesterday, it was at least 95 degrees. One of my co-workers I'd not seen in a while gave me a nice big SWEATY hug. When I walked away, I was furious because I could see his sweat thru his shirt.

What's with all the hugging? Is this a new phenomena?

Employees don't hug their supervisors, so why do they feel compelled to hug co-workers.

And I see parents forcing their children to hug adults ("Go give Miss So&So a hug").

WTHeck!!???

This is so weird to me.

How do I discreetly signify my boundaries without insulting anyone.

Can I wear a shirt that says, "HUG-FREE ZONE" .. or is that offensive?

"The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become."

Montana · ‎03-09-2010

@RinaRina wrote:

I work with a group of people who always "hug" eachother. They give eachother fist bumps, hand clasps, shoulder slams and then hug.
Yesterday, it was at least 95 degrees. One of my co-workers I'd not seen in a while gave me a nice big SWEATY hug. When I walked away, I was furious because I could see his sweat thru his shirt.
What's with all the hugging? Is this a new phenomena?
These people don't hug their supervisors, so why do feel compelled to hug co-workers.
And I see parents forcing their children to hug adults ("Go give Miss So&So a hug").
WTHeck!!???
This is so weird to me.
How do I discreetly signify my boundaries without insulting anyone.

Can I wear a shirt that says, "HUG-FREE ZONE" .. or is that offensive?

@RinaRina This might help?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KnLFSRjG2M8

“How to Avoid Hugs”

gizmogal · ‎05-09-2014

As one of these “huggers” approaches with open arms signaling their intent, you hold up both your hands in front of you and say, cheerily, but straight faced, “No hugs, please”. If you smile and indicate the hands off, the message is mixed. You needn’t frown or scowl. Just look and sound serious about No Hugs Please. Don’t look welcoming, hold up your hands with your arms straight and parallel, not wide and receiving. You can also step one or two steps sideways out of the direct path of the incoming hugger’s outstretched arms. They won’t change direction, they’ll just drop their arms.

This works also if you extend your right hand at handshake level, indicating you will shake hands but not accept a hug.

Huggers do accept (unhappily) that you are not welcoming the hug, and if you are consistent each and every time with every darn hugger who imposes this unwelcome gesture, they will still greet you enthusiastically but without a hug in a very short time. Be especially consistent in the workplace. Hugs don’t belong anywhere in the job site.

Only you can make others aware of your boundaries. You are allowed to maintain a body distance and resist body contact. Anyone who confronts you verbally about how “cold” or “unfriendly” you are being a hug “rejecter” may require explicit words to say you don’t want to be hugged and you appreciate their understanding.

You are entirely rightbthat children should be allowed the same body autonomy. They should not be requested or forced to give hugs or kisses. They can be asked if they’d like to give Aunt Bess a hug, but they need to be taught they can say no. And all children old enough to express a choice should not be hugged/kissed without asking if it is all right. Doesn’t matter boy or girl. Children have the same right not to be touched against theirvwill as adults have.

Maintaining your dignity and control over contact with your body is fundamental. People who hug because they want to will learn it’s okay for them to want to, but not with you! They may mean no harm, but you don’t need to support other people’s whims and good intentions when it comes to touching you.

RinaRina · ‎03-13-2010

@ Montana,

I just watched 2 vids. The 2nd one got 25K views and was funny, but ineffective.

The channel owner apparently made it for entertainment purposes.

The kind of hugging done at my workplace is more like a choke-hold .. and it's fast; so it's difficult to avoid.

I've had to tell one guy THREE different times, "I'm not hugging and I'm not kidding!"

I actually had to tell him I was NOT kidding.

"The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become."

x Hedge · ‎08-18-2016

That's disgusting.

I don't see why you can't stop them when you see them approaching to hug.

When those huggy arms start to extend in your direction just put out your ✋hand and nicely say "No hugs, please". Take a step back of you have to.

edit omg @gizmogal !

Your post wasn't up when I started, I swear! I had to stop and feed the cat & run the trash cart out to the street for pickup.

Sweetbay magnolia · ‎04-14-2013

Just say no.

Cogito ergo sum

x Hedge · ‎08-18-2016

@RinaRina wrote:

The kind of hugging done at my workplace is more like a choke-hold .. and it's fast; so it's difficult to avoid.

I've had to tell one guy THREE different times, "I'm not hugging and I'm not kidding!"

I actually had to tell him I was NOT kidding.

A choke hold? They are hugging you around the neck?

Listen Rina, you're all grown up. I don't see why you can't get your point across about unwanted touching at work.

You don't want to be touched, say so.

If "no hugs, please" doesn't work, be more direct and say "don't touch me" or "I don't want to be hugged".

If they're so fast you can't sidestep the clutch, then clearly say "Dont touch me." while they're hugging you, and gently push them away as you say it.

Don't raise your voice or shove, but keep your message simple and perfectly clear.

. . . Are you hugging back?...And giggling while insisting "i'm not kidding."??

Why is there always workplace turmoil starring you?

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

I’m not big on hugging acquaintances either. When they head towards me w/ open arms, I hold up both hands in the high 5 (high 10) fashion...usually on tippy toes, but they get the hint. During flu season, I offer “elbow touches”.

RinaRina · ‎03-13-2010

@x Hedge wrote:
That's disgusting.
I don't see why you can't stop them when you see them approaching to hug.

When those huggy arms start to extend in your direction just put out your ✋hand and nicely say "No hugs, please". Take a step back of you have to.

Hahah! Funny story ...

This happened 2 months ago. I was in the lobby of my workplace talking to one of the receptionists about something super important. One of the guys walked thru the front door, came up to me, said "hey", and put his arm up for the "choke-hold". I said "hey" and immediately turned back around to the receptionist. The 2 receptionists busted out laffing.

I think they KNEW what I was trying to do.

"The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become."