What keeps your long-term friendships fresh and gr... - Page 2

jlkz · ‎12-02-2013

Had a very hard time reading through your post. I got the gist of it and feel your frustration.

As quite of few of readers may have aging eyesight or others have vision issues, please try to hit the return button every few sentences. It will make it easier for others to read your posts.

You may get more responses and ideas because of the additional readers.

Thanks,

An aging reader

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.
Sir Winston Churchill

house_cat · ‎03-09-2010

My oldest, dearest friends all live a continent away from me. Texting keeps us in touch with each other's every day lives. When we see each other, which is usually only once a year, we don't have a lot of catching up to do and we can connect like we are still part of one another's lives.

~ house cat ~

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Honestly, I think it's hard if not impossible to keep an out of state friendship fresh and vibrant. I can only speak for myself but friendship, true friendship requires spending time with a person. Face to face time. I need to see that person, talk with that person, be a part of that person's life. Distance does not allow for that. A phone call on birthdays or Christmas, some emails, checking in on FB just don't have the intimacy that defines a friendship. Gradually, my friendships with my out of state friends have morphed into something else. More than an aquaintence but less than a friend. When I need help or an opinion or if I need to bounce something off a friend, it's not going to be through email or FB. When I "need" a friend or when a friend needs me, we're going to talk over coffee or lunch. Also, when there's distance between friends, when you aren't part of each other's daily lives, you tend to just share the good things, the fun things. Sometimes those friendships just wither away but in my case, I think we accept that the nature of our friendhsip has changed and that's ok. Change is a part of life.

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Most of us can relate. Recently I decided I was trying to put labels and categories on my friends. I have no idea why I did that. Maybe I was insecure about some of the relationships or just tried to overthink the friendships.

When I released that and decided if I have a remote or long-time friend I can pick back up with when we communicate, then that's a good friend. I no longer overthink it.

A couple of years ago I realized I had a couple of friends, and a sis, I got together with and vented, complained and gossiped with. When you know someone well, it's easy to fill spaces and do that. It gradually dragged our relationships down and we all got bored or lazy. We can still vent as friends do, but we discussed it and now agree to meet to discuss books, the future, family and life in positive ways and things we're learning. We mutually agreed to keep our talk positive unless we have a real problem we want help with.

It's changed my relationship with friends for the better. My sis loved dogging our childhood, parents, her fabulous husband (he truly is a gem) and isn't making the adjustment well so we communicate less, but it's a better quality of communications when we do talk.

Just as we need to change, grow and re-invent ourselves for us -- we need to do that for friendships and relationships as well. My two cents.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

barb40 · ‎03-09-2010

Thank you all for these fabulous, thoughtful, insightful replies! So many wonderful suggestions and ideas! I really appreciate you all taking the time to post! I hope others wil l also share their thoughts about Friendships !

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

I think it's hard to maintain a long term friendship when people live far away.Even friends over a life time in the same town, take time off from the relationship from time to time. The saying, "familiarity breeds contempt", rings true too after awhile.LOL

JYWilliams · ‎03-10-2010

One of my best friends live in Georgia and we text, call, and write each other. (Yes write, LOL!) And when she comes to town we catch up on some things we might not discuss on the phone. We go out to eat. We might go Roller skating or Bowling. Just doing fun stuff.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

My oldest friendship was formed 58 years ago when we were 5. Her family moved out of WV when we were 10, but we remained connected, and will ALWAYS be friends.

My friend and I are different in every way. I married a local boy, and have always been content in my rural corner of WV; she has married multiple times, lived in 5 states, has always lived in fancy houses in the suburbs, drives expensive cars, and is only truly happy when she’s traveling. Regardless of what car she parks in my driveway, to me, she is, and always will be, the same person she was when we were 5.

I “know” my friend better than she knows herself, and better than her own siblings know her. We live and function in very different worlds, and sometimes I help her face reality about the world I live in, which is the same world her siblings live in. I seem to be the only person who can say whatever I need to say to get her mind where it needs to be. We know each other’s hearts, so whatever words come out are never interpreted as mean or hurtful.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I have a similar situation with my closest friend since we were 14. Now she only does things with her two daughters and grandchildren.

I got her through her divorce. Amazing.

lovesrecess · ‎03-14-2010

Two women I worked with for years told me how they wanted to meet once a month for lunch, etc. after I retired. Not once have either of them contacted me and they retired a year or two after I did. I get a shout out on FB once in a while...have suggested getting together....crickets. It makes me very sad...but I have moved on. I find it hard to make new friends since retiring...am just not “out there” as much now.