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Honored Contributor
Posts: 38,680
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

Re: What do you think of this?

@FranandZoe I totally agree with @dex .  Teens have so much pride in learning how to cook and enjoy eating it after they have looked at it. 

I taught so many how to cook in my Foods and Adv Foods Science classes, although my design was my love.

 

I'm teaching our GS, whom just turned 13 to cook.Smiley Happy

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,715
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: What do you think of this?

@FranandZoe : some suggestions: this Friday, while eating at home, ask DGS to help you develop a menu for next week. You can shop for what is needed. Keep the receipt. Each day after school you should supervise his meal prep, unless he wants to make a sandwich, which he can make himself. At the end of the week you can show him how much more food he got for less money. Balance the healthy foods with limited treats, like 2 cookies with a sandwich, etc. My nephew is a month younger than your GS. He is growing like a weed, and needs the fuel!

 

No grands yet for me, but both my sons embrace cooking in order to get what they want and to keep a budget . DDIL does little cooking; that appears to be DS's domain. Other DS cooks all meals for himself He is active military, but his GF and he enjoy cooking together when they have the chance. All in their mid-late 20s.

 

Make snack prep a special bonding time with your GS AT HOME!. You were wrong to start the bad habit of going out after school. Making and baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies is a good start and will make GS want to come home to a house that smells like that, and not burgers & fries. 

 

You are the adult, he is the kid. You are in charge of what he eats and does while in your care. Be the loving grandma that you are. Take charge of the situation. IMO this has nothing to do with DDIL, it's your time, money and leadership. Make this time he will cherish. I hope to be in your position someday!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,928
Registered: ‎11-21-2011

Re: What do you think of this?

I'm confused about how this is working. Are you giving him the money and he goes to get the food or are you taking him there?

 

Either way I'd just stop. Have food at the house like snacks or stuff for a sandwich. If he doesn't want it he can wait until dinner. He's not going to starve. My mother didn't make me food after school. I got a snack myself if I wanted it. Even pretzels as a snack would be better than fast food every day.

 

Even as grandma you shouldn't be giving into him like that. I wouldn't have even thought to tell my parent or whoever that they were getting me fast food every day.Tell him it's too expensive to do that all the time. He should be learning some concept of money at this point.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 744
Registered: ‎05-31-2018

Re: What do you think of this?


@esmerelda wrote:

@FranandZoe  Doubt he's eating this unhealthy food alone.  Why not suggest that he invite a friend or two to eat at your house after school?  Maybe the company is the draw more than the unhealthy food.


This!  He really wants to hang out with his friends!  I'm sure he is hungry as well.  My son is now an adult.  He still makes tacos, individual pizzas and veggie trays,  Popcorn, etc,  kick off their shoes, hang out and snack and chill.  These now adults still hang out, go to the gym and eat!  2 nights ago they hung out at our house and ate a full pan of roasted brocolli..  They are very healthy,  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: What do you think of this?

Now that he's has takeout, it may be hard to reel him back in.  My nephew is now 20.  Getting him to eat home cooked meals was always a problem, but that's another etory.  Have a talk with your gs.  Tell him takeout is too expensive and you want to get back to making him special meals.  Ask his input for foods.  Tell him as a treat every once and a while, you'll splurge on take out.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,623
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: What do you think of this?

I wouldn't have even mentioned it to his mom so you wouldn't have any response to try to figure out.  You're the one taking him to get the food and spending your own money.  You  don't need permission to stop doing it.  The boy is 13 and old enough to accept the decision.  or not.  Explain to HIM that you can't do it anymore but are more than happy

to feed him after school.  Ask for his input for what he would eat.  Then eat it or not.  If not he can go home and explain to his mother why he's not eating.  Then she can deal with it.

He's at an age where he can understand boundaries and find out he can't control adults.  He can learn that in a loving way.  Like you said, it's totally your fault for letting this happen.  Now it's your responsibility to fix it, without texting his mom.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,256
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What do you think of this?

Thanks again everyone.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,636
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What do you think of this?

[ Edited ]

@FranandZoe wrote:

My grandson (12 - 13 in January) gets off the bus and comes to my house after school.

I've always made him something to eat.  Late last school year he got into the habit of getting fast food or food from a local restaurant.  It started out just a few days a week then evolved into every day.  Totally my fault for letting this happen.  Now this year that's all he wants to eat.  I had to finally put a stop to it.  It's too expensive and just not good for him.  I always have food here he can eat.  I texted his Mom and let her know he didn't eat anything after school today and why. I had stew that I made today, Panera Bread chicken noodle soup and I could have made him a grilled cheese sandwich. All things he used to really like.  But he doesn't seem to want anything I make anymore.  His other grandmother has told me the same thing.

 

 So his Mom's response was "That's fine - I'll take care of it."  

 

What do you make of her response?  It just seems weird to me.  Like she really didn't agree but to do what I have to do.  Maybe I'm just being too sensitive or paranoid but she often has responses to things that seem inappropriate.  When my grandson goes home he goes home to his other grandmother who lives with him.  She could easily make him something.  His Mom doesn't cook except for weekends.  I dunno - am I wrong?  

 


 

He's almost 13 and sounds like a teenager to me.

 

Relax.  You are not obligated to spend the money on fast food. She is also not obligated to tell you how it'll be handed.  If his mom chooses to give him money for fast food, it's her problem.  

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,177
Registered: ‎06-28-2011

Re: What do you think of this?

I think that this is more about socializing and being with his buddies as opposed to him wanting fast food.  As suggested, you could try inviting some of his friends over after school for food you think they will like.  Not sure it will work, but worth a try.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,256
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What do you think of this?

[ Edited ]

Thanks but this has zero to do with being with his buddies!

 

I only texted his Mom to let her know he didn't eat anything after school.