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Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎02-16-2018

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?

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@rms1954 

I’m so sorry you are going through all of this stress. I know what it’s like, but you hang in there. You are tougher than you think and you will get through it to happier times. When someone loves you they don’t scream at you for things beyond your control. It’s sounds like he is emotionally abusing you and you need to put your foot down and tell him you won’t be treated like that. Bullies just get to be bigger bullies if you don’t put a stop to that behavior. Life is too short to be anyone’s emotional punching bag. Good luck and God bless. I’ll say a prayer for you. P.S. As others recommended have a drink of you choice to calm down. Enjoy the time away from your husband and treat yourself well while he’s gone. His yelling be darned! Don’t take that garbage from him anymore. If you need friends or family, or whoever to help you please ask them. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,378
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?

My checking account was hacked 3 weeks ago.  No, not my debit card.  It was my actual account.  I had to go to the bank, fill out paperwork, get a whole new account.  The only plus was that my debit card was not breached so they attached it to my new account.  I don't write many checks anymore but waited 10 days for some new ones to arrive.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,746
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?

@rms1954 

 

So sorry you are dealing with this.  

 

It seems so strange that your card has been hacked so frequently.

 

Debit cards were not my choice because of the access to my bank account.  I gave mine up to use a Discover card and pay it off monthly.  I check charges often and have every alert possible set.  DH uses his CC for thousands of dollars of building supplies for his business.

 

In over 20 years, we have only had minor issues and the CC companies always resolved them to our satisfaction.  No bank accounts were touched!

 

Perhaps you might want to switch to a CC where you can dispute the charges.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,658
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?

@rms1954 ........so sorry for your cc problem.  I too have had that happen.

 

But your biggest problem is not your cc fraud.  Why on earth are you still living with that man?

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)
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Posts: 33,060
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?


@Mom2Dogs wrote:

Sorry this is happening.....I do not have a debt card....for the reasons you posted....I write checks, use cash or a credit card.  I check the card every day, so far after 40 years of having a credit card I have never had a problem.

 

I realize using a debit card is convenient but look at your frustration level....more that what I would want to endure.


 

@Mom2Dogs   Unfortunately, credit cards can also be compromised. We had charges on ours at Best Buy for computers and 2 TVs that were not ours after making a purchase there. Anyone can take your number and security code off the card (while checking you out). Look at the issues Target and other stores have had w/ security breaches. 

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Posts: 4,261
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?


@sidsmom wrote:

@Kachina624 wrote:

@Mom2Dogs.  I use a debit card about 100% of the time.  I seldom use credit cards, rarely write checks,  never carry more than a couple dollars cash.  Why do you think it's different from a CC?  It's covered by the same replacement gusrantees.  When I've had mine compromised, I just picked up a temporary card at the bank until the real card arrived.  I surely wasn't asked to pay $36.


It IS different than a credit card.

It has a direct link to your checking account.

Yes, one might use the credit card function of the debit card,

but your checking account can be wiped out with fraud.

 

I think of my checking account as having a digital moat around it.

Every time one uses their debit card at the POS, that bridge on the

digital moat is raised & everything is exposed.
Why would you take that risk?

 


@sidsmom  YOU NAILED IT.   No direct access, which I prefer.  I know far too many people who have had MAJOR issues with their Debit cards.  Yes, you can have a problem with both, but your money is still in your account.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,630
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?

 @rms1954   I'm actually beyond my stress level now.Very little has gone right lately.For me I get to this point when I experience a pile on.Right now it's major.

  I'm certainly not an expert in how to deal with stress.I could do a lot better. But try to calm yourself & deal with one issue at a time.Realize what you have control over & what you don't.

  -Do not let your husband yell at you.Hang up or tell him to back off. When he gets home you should have a talk with him.
-I don't have a debit card.It's a link to your bank account. This can create a world of hurt if it gets compromised. You're much better off with a credit card.JMO

- I don't know which bank you're dealing with but they had no business charging you $36 to expedite a new card to you.My credit card was compromised several times & my bank overnighted a new card to me at no charge each time. I would suggest you change banks.

- Most importantly, take a breath or two. This isn't your fault.

 

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Posts: 9,713
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?


@Kachina624 wrote:

@Mom2Dogs.  I use a debit card about 100% of the time.  I seldom use credit cards, rarely write checks,  never carry more than a couple dollars cash.  Why do you think it's different from a CC?  It's covered by the same replacement gusrantees.  When I've had mine compromised, I just picked up a temporary card at the bank until the real card arrived.  I surely wasn't asked to pay $36.


Not everyone has a local bank branch they can go to - our bank is in Texas and we're on the east coast.  When I lost my card, i called our bank and I chose to pay (I forget how much, maybe $12) to expedite the new one to me.  But I lost the card - my fault.  Had there been a breach, I would never expect to pay to expedite a new one.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 767
Registered: ‎08-30-2010

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?

I have been the victim of fraud before. I worked at one time as the manager of the financial branch of a business. I do not for many reason use debit cards. For just the reasons you have expressed. Also you do not have the recourse in getting money back if stolen that one might have if a credit card was used. For this reason I mainly use cash or credit card. 

Once you receive your new card be sure to get a RFID wallet and also use a card that is a credit card screen. I know at one time QVC sold them I am unaware of where to find them. Perhaps Amazon but ask your bank. That is also a way to protect yourself against fraud.

Unfortunately when you are the victim you have to do a lot of leg work to protect yourself and to get what is rightfully yours back.

 

I know you are dealing with alot and this just adds to your frustration. I am sorry. I hope that things turn a corner and will be on the upswing.

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Posts: 12,795
Registered: ‎11-16-2014

Re: What Goes Beyond Reaching Your Stress Level?


@rms1954 wrote:

Cuz I think I hit it today.  My debit card has been breached, yet again, for the third time in two years.  I recently went thru this during the summer.  First thing I wake up to is the alert on my phone.  I called and spoke with the security/fraud dept and spoke to someone who was NOT very caring or sympathetic or empathetic.  It was like listening to a robot.  So I get transferred to my bank account to cancel my card and get a new one.  7-10 days I have to wait, unless I want to pay $36 to have it sent certified mail which would get it to me by Mon or Tues (cuz of course the weekend does not count.  I said OK cuz I need it.  It's the only access I have to my money.  My husband just left yesterday to meet up with his brother and father at their house across the state, 6 hours away.  He just had a heart attack last week and one artery was 90% blocked.  They also found he had diabetes.  He's been home from work with me (retired) for over a week and I have had to take care of EVERYTHING.  I didn't want to stress him out so I didn't tell him.  He would go thru the roof and blame me because that's the kind of man he is.  He is a very, very difficult individual to be around.  They charged his account with the $36 which is how he found out.

 

He called screaming about some charge on his account.  I explained.  He yelled.  I cried, couldn't breathe, heart pounding and sweating.  I then had to call the back again and asked what happened.  She took the charge off his account and put it on mine.  My head is pounding right now.  All this before coffee (or any food) today. 

 

I'm here all alone for almost two weeks.  Which in reality is probably a good thing as far as him being here.  I just feel like I'm going to explode. 

 

I'm trying ... really hard to keep it together. Ahead of me I have to go through and change all my accounts and EZ pays.  Ugh.  I can't think about it right now. 

 

I need a fairy godmother right now!


I am so sorry that you are going through such a stressful time @rms1954 . I think this is the perfect time to STOP using your debit card for purchases. Switch to a credit card which is a lot easier to deal with if you have fraudulent charges. You will also get points that you can use for cash back or gift cards...some cards even give miles for travel.

 

As far as diabetes and heart attacks...your BIL will probably do very well. Today is very different when it comes to diabetes. Many new meds and even insulin will make him feel a whole lot better. I have been diabetic for just about 50 years (Type 1) and have had 2 heart attacks and a stroke and hanging in there. There are so many life saving treatments, your BIL will probably be just fine.

 

As far as your husband screaming at you....is he like this often? If my husband screamed at me on the phone, I know I would hang up on him. No one should speak to you like that.