Wants or needs for your kids?

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

I do not have children, but am a step mother. My step daughter is planning her daughter's graduation party...wow , they cost a lot of money these days!

Her dad and I hosted her graduation party at our house....it was nice.

Fast forward, we now have a grand daughter graduating. We have offered some money to help with expenses. She was talking about all our granddaughter wants at the party. Decorations for the tent, food etc. Step Daughter does not have a lot of money and her ex is arguing a bit with what this is all going to cost, but step daughter wants to give her what she wants.

While I think she desrves a nice party, where do parents draw the line? Her dad and I gave no opinion, just listened to the plans...

What do you all think?

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

Is this graduation from high school?

Are all four years of college paid off? If it was me and I hadn't paid for college, I'd say, "You want a big party or would you rather have the money that a big party would cost go toward your college tuition?"

It could (for some) mean the difference between working a part-time job while in school or not.

In our family we just pay for the full years for our children.

My daughters (and son-in-laws) started life after college with no college debt...it was all paid for.

I realize not everyone can do that. That's why I'm saying someone needs to sit these people down and say, "Where do you want this money to go?"

My late husband always hosted a huge dinner party for me on my birthday. It was at a fancy restaurant and he paid, free drinks, steak and seafood dinner, etc.

It always bothered me because some of the people I didn't hear from except on my birthday.

I used to say, "Be more careful whom you invite. Some of these people are partying and eating on our dime".

It would be the same thing here as I see it. A few hours of everyone eating, drinking, etc on the money that could go to new clothes, college books, etc.

I agree a nice little party works. But I think parents need to put limits on things.

My youngest daughter would alway say, "Mom! I TOLD you".

To that I'd say, "Yes, You TOLD me, but now I'm going to TELL YOU since I hold the purse strings".

She had a bad habit of telling me and not hearing what I had to say. We worked on that throughout high school.

Every now and then it pops back up but I ****** it in the bud.

Someone in your/that family might need a reality check.

But that's my opinion.

JYWilliams · ‎03-10-2010

I don't have kids either but I can understand wanting to give her daughter a nice graduation party because graduating is a big deal. But I think I would stick to what I could really afford.

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

Assuming the child is graduating from HS, it is past due for her to get a reality check. Parents should tell her what they are going to provide for the celebration, and they should NOT spend more on a party than they can afford. If she wants more she can get a job after school & weekends and provide whatever extras she has in mind.

The parents are not obliged to provide an Instagram-worthy event.

An entitled attitude is ugly.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Mom2Dogs Unfortunately, this is one of many situations where you may need to bite your lip and just see things play out.

sweetee2 · ‎06-21-2015

My grandchildren are still young. Of course your step-daughter wants a grand party if someone else pays for it. I'm not sure if it's your responsibility to help in any way. That's for her parents. If you feel obligated just give her what you feel comfortable with and let that be that.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

Thanks for the replies.

Granddaughter is graduating high school. She has been a good kid, with good grades and has also held a job while going to school.....I think she deserves a party but I think mom and dad should have set down together to discuss...but sadly with a divorce, that changes everything....

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

We don't always get what we want, and this sounds like quite the party, honestly.

Kids need to realize money does not grow on trees and also that most of us do not have an unending supply for it.

What about her college? I use to work at a college and a lot of the freshmen would come in on academic scholarship, that they would lose after the first or second semester, due to their gpa going down. Its just a fact and college is expensive. I don't care if you live at home or on campus. There are hidden aways hidden costs.

This party sounds like it could easily go into the thousands. No doubt, some folks do this, but I wouldn't be one of them.