Walking with a Friend - Page 3

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Why can't you just be honest with her? You said she's a friend, there's a level of honesty between me and my friends. Actually, I am not proud to say that did what your friend did. I made plans to walk in the mornings with a friend but I found it hard sticking to a firm schedule. I work, she's retired and I couldn't commit to specific time on any given day. She acted like an adult, she said that she couldn't wait for me and she liked walking at the same time every day but if I wanted to walk with her at 6:45 on any weekday, I could just call her. I wasn't angry with her, I totally understood and sometimes I do call her at 6:30am and I meet her at her building at 6:45 and we walk together.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

@Laura14 wrote:
@Nightowlz Then I got nothing for you except she must have some other great qualities that you enjoy.

@Laura14

Guess I'm just used to it. I have known her for 45 yrs.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Nightowlz Not something to ruin a 45 year relationship over. I guess we'll let her slide. LOL

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

@islandgrrl wrote:
@Nightowlz wrote:
@islandgrrl wrote:
@Nightowlz

You are a very thoughtful writer. Is there any chance you would be comfortable sending your friend an email that (gently) spells out the inconvenience of getting up early only to find that she has cancelled? It doesn't sound like her heart is really in it. In this case, honesty might be your best approach.

Other options: 1. Change the time of your walk to a better time for you. If she cancels, you can just incorporate it into your normal exercise routine. 2. Add another, more reliable friend to the walk group so that you know you'll always have a walk buddy.
@islandgrrl

I would have to send a text. Her computer is always messed up with a virus of some kind.
I would rather just talk to her about it on one of our walks.
I could change time. She has to do it early because she says she cannot do it later.
@Nightowlz

Gotcha. Do you bring music with you? I find that if I have my music, I can walk forever. If she doesn't show up, you'd have inspiring 'company'.

@islandgrrl

No music. We talk while walking & take breaks shopping. LOL!!!

When I'm walking in the house yes I listen to music. I normally listen to Maroon 5.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

@GAQShopr53 wrote:
@Nightowlz@ it sounds like she needs you to get her motivated...I probably would tell her you enjoyed walking with her but the new schedule is not working for you right now. I had a walking partner who wanted to walk @ 5 am so I changed my schedule to walk with her. We started off okay and after a month she would call and then would not show up leaving me by myself at the park. I quickly activated plan "B"...which was go back to my regular schedule of walking in the park during daylight hours "By" myself

@GAQShopr53

No way would I get up at 5 AM. LOL!!! I don't go to bed until midnight or so.

I don't leave the house until I text her or she texts me. I'm not going to the Mall & wait on her. Not happening.

I'm already walking in the house while I'm waiting on her. so if she does not show up I'm already getting my miles in.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

@Kachina624 wrote:
@Nightowlz. Is there any reason why you can't walk alone if your friend doesn't show up? Why are you so dependent on her being with you?

@Kachina624

I think you have this all wrong. If anyone is dependant that would be my friend. I walk 4 miles 5-6 days per week. I don't need help from anyone to get it done. I can get it done faster in my own house on my own time when I feel like doing it. Now that's it cooler outside I can go up & down the street.

She only exercises when we go walk. I exercise 5-6 days per week.

She used to go to the Gym with another friend but they had an argument. She wanted me to sign up at the Gym. I don't want to do that. I have exercise equipment in the exercise room so I'm not paying to go to a Gym to use someone's sweaty equipment. I will use my own.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

@Alison Wonderland wrote:
@Peaches McPhee wrote:
I think I'd be honest with her. Friend, I don't think this is working for us. Our scheduled walk together has been cancelled so much lately, and this impacts my own walking schedule. Let's reconsider our schedule -- maybe fewer days.

I agree. If you rearranged your own schedule to accommodate her and she is failing to follow through, she is the one who is not being a thoughtful friend. I would offer one day a week, at most, and then you can work on more if she can manage to show up consistently that one day a week.

One more thing to consider: She's either forgetting a lot of things or making up excuses for not wanting to go at the last minute. (If my alarm fails to go off, I set backups and if it happens again, I replace the alarm clock.) Both can be symptoms of depression. When you do talk to her, consider letting her know that you're noticing she's not showing up for things she enjoys doing and that you're wondering if she's doing okay. That lets her know you care and gives her the opportunity to talk about how she's doing. Maybe nothing is wrong, but sometimes people won't mention it if you don't ask.

@Alison Wonderland

She's got a lot on her plate right now. One of her sisters which lives in another state is dealing with cancer but this was going on before she asked me if I wanted to walk with her.

I have known her for 45 yrs. She's been like this for a long time.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
Why can't you just be honest with her? You said she's a friend, there's a level of honesty between me and my friends. Actually, I am not proud to say that did what your friend did. I made plans to walk in the mornings with a friend but I found it hard sticking to a firm schedule. I work, she's retired and I couldn't commit to specific time on any given day. She acted like an adult, she said that she couldn't wait for me and she liked walking at the same time every day but if I wanted to walk with her at 6:45 on any weekday, I could just call her. I wasn't angry with her, I totally understood and sometimes I do call her at 6:30am and I meet her at her building at 6:45 and we walk together.

@chrystaltree

I'm wondering why she cannot be honest with me. She asked me if I wanted to walk with her yet most of the time she cannot make it. If she changed her mind all she has to do is say so. I don't care one way or the other. I just don't like getting up to go walking with her to find out she's not coming again.

I'm not the one making excuses as to why we cannot walk.

I got my 4 miles in.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Nightowlz wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
Why can't you just be honest with her? You said she's a friend, there's a level of honesty between me and my friends. Actually, I am not proud to say that did what your friend did. I made plans to walk in the mornings with a friend but I found it hard sticking to a firm schedule. I work, she's retired and I couldn't commit to specific time on any given day. She acted like an adult, she said that she couldn't wait for me and she liked walking at the same time every day but if I wanted to walk with her at 6:45 on any weekday, I could just call her. I wasn't angry with her, I totally understood and sometimes I do call her at 6:30am and I meet her at her building at 6:45 and we walk together.
@chrystaltree

I'm wondering why she cannot be honest with me. She asked me if I wanted to walk with her yet most of the time she cannot make it. If she changed her mind all she has to do is say so. I don't care one way or the other. I just don't like getting up to go walking with her to find out she's not coming again.
I'm not the one making excuses as to why we cannot walk.
I got my 4 miles in.

I don't think it matters, I don't it should even be an issue. She's not up for those walks. She knows it, you know it. So end it. You would be doing her favor, as a friend you would be sparing her from making up stories and making dumb excuses. The lies and excuses are aggravating, I do understand that. She can't or won't be honest, If it were me. I would.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Nightowlz wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
Why can't you just be honest with her? You said she's a friend, there's a level of honesty between me and my friends. Actually, I am not proud to say that did what your friend did. I made plans to walk in the mornings with a friend but I found it hard sticking to a firm schedule. I work, she's retired and I couldn't commit to specific time on any given day. She acted like an adult, she said that she couldn't wait for me and she liked walking at the same time every day but if I wanted to walk with her at 6:45 on any weekday, I could just call her. I wasn't angry with her, I totally understood and sometimes I do call her at 6:30am and I meet her at her building at 6:45 and we walk together.
@chrystaltree

I'm wondering why she cannot be honest with me. She asked me if I wanted to walk with her yet most of the time she cannot make it. If she changed her mind all she has to do is say so. I don't care one way or the other. I just don't like getting up to go walking with her to find out she's not coming again.
I'm not the one making excuses as to why we cannot walk.
I got my 4 miles in.

@Nightowlz I'm confused. So you don't really have a problem with this and weren't seeking support or answers or alternatives, you were just posting about what is happening?

From some of your responses sounds like you are ok with it just frustrated.