Among Friends

[chrystaltree]

Yes; I do believe that everyone who has any type of disability or chronic disease feels that way at times.  I think it's particulary true for those of us who "don't look sick" as people say.  My thyroid condition was hard to diagnose, it took several years.  I also had several nutritional deficiences and some type of chronic pain syndrome.  I was in pain 24/7 for years.  While most of my friends and family understood, none of them acutally accepted how bad things were because I didn't look sick and I managed to go to work everyday and as my middle sister once said "you look so nice all the time".  She didn't know that I was in so much pain that day that it took me 2 hours to pull myself together and that day the muscles in my thighs felt like they were on fire.  So, yes.  There were times when I wished that someone who said something insensitive to me could live in my body for just 24 hours.  

[BirkiLady]

@PamfromCT @CalminHeart  Like you, I also volunteered in both Assisted Living and Skillled Care during and following my mom's 14 year dementia illness. However, not once did I hear any of the patients complain or wish "someone to spend a day in their shoes." Those people (of ages from 35 to elderly) were always kind and positive about their lives. They were grateful for the help and support provided to them.

Some were self-paying (my mom was), but most were financially assisted (I don't know  the details) and had to count their money. Few were able to afford to get out and about in the community due to limited resources and family would simply didn't visit often.

When my family brought their feline to visit, the entire floor of patients would rally around to hold her and experience the purring! When I'd play the piano, they would join in singing . . . and their voices were like a choir! It was thrilling. We played trivia, had spelling bees, number games, and of course I helped with their manicures each week. I visited mom daily and usually sat at her table during one meal. The conversations were often repeated over and over; usually about their childhoods.  It was rewarding for me, as well, to learn so much about people who handled their lives with such grace and dignity. They spoke about their parents and siblings with pride and love. No one was jealous of others' lives. They knew everyone is dealt different things if life and we all face our problems with the best face forward.

During those 14 years, I was also facing a lot of pain and would have enjoyed the luxury of remaining home many days; caring for my own health. My mom was a higher priority. In doing so, I gained so much wisdom and inner strength from mom and the other residents. When mom passed away, I continued to volunteer for another year. The residents I had known so well had been moved (pallative care, hospice, etc) or passed away. Things change and life goes on. I was blessed to have had the experience, but it was time for me to get on with my own life again.

If I sounded uncaring, it couldn't be further from reality. "God helps those who help themselves." A positive attitude is a major part of life. Having friends is necessary, as well. These seem to be lacking in the OP's life.

I've heard the OP write about this complaint before. Perhaps she needs some counseling. Does she realize how much her parents have given up for her? How their lives have changed to have her living with them? What a huge responsibility it must be to have her in their home 24/7? The family dynamics will never be the same with an adult child under the same roof. She's very, very fortunate to have such a loving family willing to make such major life changes.   

Hopefully, she was just having a down day and after talking with the oral surgeon finds her fears to be unfounded. I wonder why she isn't talking with her parents or other family members. Certainly they are talking her to the hospital for the procedure. Seems we are not getting the entire story. 

[hckynut]

@ccassaday

I have had several fairly long term disabilities, but am not permanently disabled. Have not taken any of my physical capabilities for granted for many decades now. Changed all that I could to prevent serious issues, but mine, or anyone's genetics, can be changed.

To me there are many disabilities that cannot be understood by those not afflicted with them. The worst I have personally experienced was not a physical disability, but a mental one.

Unless a person has experienced diagnosed Anxiety/Panic Attacks or Clinical Depression, they cannot truly understands the depth of these disabilities. I have stated this many times on different forums on this BB.

Do I, or have I  ever wished this one anyone? NO I have not, quite the opposite, and I have said so in many posts. Everyone has their own issues and I will make no pretense of understanding the depth of those I have not personally experienced.

As a "saying(?)" goes:. "Put everyone's problems in a BIG container, and many would pick their own". Something like that!

I wish you better days ahead,

hckynut

Spoiler

[happycat]

I too, hope you have better days ahead, @ccassaday. I'm sorry you are having these dental issues.

I look fine, but a lot of days, I am not. I think its because we look fine, people think we are fine and they aren't understanding.

I was having trouble finding my checkbook at walmart and there was a lady behind me who was so rude, she may have been running late to an appointment, I don't know. But I have remembered that, and I try to be patient when the line is moving slow. This was years ago, shortly after I had had two brain surgeries. It was before debit cards, my mother had taken me, anyway, we never know what anyone else is truly dealing with.

I know someone who has a friend with schizophrenia, she was telling me about the voices this person hears all the time, trying to work and learn a new job, while hearing voices. I have thought of this often, for I cannot even fathom this, quite frankly.

God Bless everyone, I am so sorry for everybodys pain and suffering. @ccassaday, I hope things are better for you soon.

[SouthernBee]

Like so many have indicated we all have some disabilities or pain to deal with. I was a premature baby with cerebral palsy, my mother was determined to let me be independent. I have dealt with leg braces, wheel chairs , multiple surgery. I am very slow and now walk with a quad cane and determined to stay mobile. After my mother died when I was 22 , a precious woman was determined to keep me positive and to do my best. She told me- we all face difficulties and have days we are determine to feel sorry about our circumstances but don’t do it. She said remember your Mother always said to stay firm and grounded in your faith and rely on God. She added her own thoughts- if we must indulge in a pity party- choose you favorite special treat- like a pint of chocolate ice cream or candy, include an alarm clock and box of tissues. Sit in front of a mirror- set the clock for 15 minutes to cry your eyes out and indulge in your treat. Then shower and dress- if limited in what you can do ,but do something special for someone else to give them a great day- phone call, card, letter or if finances permit - send them a special gift. Best gift ever for me. This precious lady is now 90 and in quickly declining health, but I keep calls, cards, special gifts and necessities delivered to her home and my precious DH proud to be included in this tradition. You are very Blessed to have parents that have made special arrangements to include you in there home. Southern Bee 

[blackhole99]

No, I never wish anyone illness for any amount time for them to appreciate what other's are going through. I believe people are empathic or not.

[dex]

@ccassaday Oh the dreaded dental procedures.I have had many of them with the rotten teeth I was born to.I understand now that you are actually worried and possibly dreading the procedure..If they are doing it in the hospital then most likely you will be under anesthesia but if not I can assure you that you won’t feel any pain.They have good drugs for that.Tell yourself that this is done all of the time and people are ok afterwards and you will be too.You can do this and there are far worse things that people must do for their health so try to think that you are lucky that your procedure will be simple and not life threatening....just relax and tell yourself you will be home before ya know it.

[PamfromCT]

@@Birkilady, I certainly understand your point of view.  There does come a point where we all have to accept and deal with physical/emotional pain with “grit and grace.”

All I can tell you that the people on the Skilled Nursing floor where I volunteered was full of very elderly people.  Yes, there were all sorts of activities.  But I did see some in a lot of pain, despite the wonders of modern medicine.  There were some struggling to deal with a death of a child.  They were trying their best.  And I tried my best.  

[ccassaday]

---

@BirkiLady wrote:

@PamfromCT @CalminHeart  Like you, I also volunteered in both Assisted Living and Skillled Care during and following my mom's 14 year dementia illness. However, not once did I hear any of the patients complain or wish "someone to spend a day in their shoes." Those people (of ages from 35 to elderly) were always kind and positive about their lives. They were grateful for the help and support provided to them.

Some were self-paying (my mom was), but most were financially assisted (I don't know  the details) and had to count their money. Few were able to afford to get out and about in the community due to limited resources and family would simply didn't visit often.

When my family brought their feline to visit, the entire floor of patients would rally around to hold her and experience the purring! When I'd play the piano, they would join in singing . . . and their voices were like a choir! It was thrilling. We played trivia, had spelling bees, number games, and of course I helped with their manicures each week. I visited mom daily and usually sat at her table during one meal. The conversations were often repeated over and over; usually about their childhoods.  It was rewarding for me, as well, to learn so much about people who handled their lives with such grace and dignity. They spoke about their parents and siblings with pride and love. No one was jealous of others' lives. They knew everyone is dealt different things if life and we all face our problems with the best face forward.

During those 14 years, I was also facing a lot of pain and would have enjoyed the luxury of remaining home many days; caring for my own health. My mom was a higher priority. In doing so, I gained so much wisdom and inner strength from mom and the other residents. When mom passed away, I continued to volunteer for another year. The residents I had known so well had been moved (pallative care, hospice, etc) or passed away. Things change and life goes on. I was blessed to have had the experience, but it was time for me to get on with my own life again.

If I sounded uncaring, it couldn't be further from reality. "God helps those who help themselves." A positive attitude is a major part of life. Having friends is necessary, as well. These seem to be lacking in the OP's life.

I've heard the OP write about this complaint before. Perhaps she needs some counseling. Does she realize how much her parents have given up for her? How their lives have changed to have her living with them? What a huge responsibility it must be to have her in their home 24/7? The family dynamics will never be the same with an adult child under the same roof. She's very, very fortunate to have such a loving family willing to make such major life changes.   

Hopefully, she was just having a down day and after talking with the oral surgeon finds her fears to be unfounded. I wonder why she isn't talking with her parents or other family members. Certainly they are talking her to the hospital for the procedure. Seems we are not getting the entire story. 

---

Your the exact kind of person I was talking about. Just because  we have a wonderful life doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to have days where the disability gets the best of us. How about having some compassion and understanding. Life is hard enough if your normal imagine having a disability on top of that. 

I also never said who I was talking about. It was not my parents.

[SeaMaiden]

It is just human nature to just not really understand totally te suffering of someone with a disability.  I think most people have  compassion and sympathy for others in pain, but as you said,until you walk-in their shoes you can never know how it feels.

I reamember years ago a young woman conming into the store were I worked.  She had had very bad arthritis....in pain ...limping. I helped her do her shopping when she came in the store...to make it less painful for her.  iI felt so much compassion but never really understood her pain until  many years later when I started having joint problems and was in terrible pain.