Very Worried About My Friend

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I've had a dear friend for 40 years. After her divorce, she moved across the country but our friendship remains, even though we don't see each other often. We email and talk on the phone very often. For two years my friend has not been feeling well. Then, a few months ago she started losing a tremendous amount of weight for no reason, developed night sweats and low grade fevers, and is constantly tired. Her doctor has ordered PET scan and CT scan for tomorrow. Her blood work is totally abnormal on many levels. Her family has a history of cancer.

My friend just told me she is going to cancel the scans and go for some infusions. I think she may have a form of lymphoma and that this infusion business deals with symptoms without addressing the underlying cause. She is skin and bones and I think she's running out of time. My husband has Alzheimer's and I can't leave him alone to go to the west coast to be with my friend. Besides, I don't think she'll listen to me in person or long distance. Any suggestions are welcome.

hayseed00 · ‎11-24-2011

@Vivian Thoughts and prayers for your dear friend.

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

Why don't you suggest she do both, have the scans and infusions? In other words, cover all her bases.

Do you think perhaps she doesn't want to know the results of the scans?

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

It sounds like she's terrified and has come under the influence of some medical scam. There are a lot of them out there offering "infusions" to desperate and frightened people. Honestly, there's not much you can do. If she asks your opinion, be honest with her. Otherwise, just be a loving and supportive friend. The sad part is that she, like you, are imagining the absolute worst case scenario but her symptoms could be related to something not nearly so serious and easily curable.

Nonametoday · ‎03-09-2010

@Kachina624 wrote:
Why don't you suggest she do both, have the scans and infusions? In other words, cover all her bases.

Do you think perhaps she doesn't want to know the results of the scans?

@Vivian @Kachina624 If this infusion is being offered by a cancer of hematology center, it is most likely not a scam so please do not suggest that. Just know that her doctor probably thinks she needs most but she wants to have the infusion (possibly of blood or iron due to the severe anemia) and is hoping that will lessen the need for any further treatment. However, she needs the scans as well as the infusions if they are indeed something offered by a cancer or hematology center. I get iron infusions and infusions for immunodeficiency at the cancer center but I also get scans and x-rays as recommended by my professional medical personnel.

Nonametoday · ‎03-09-2010

@Vivian

Does she have a family member or a friend whose phone number she has shared with you so that you might, as a very good friend, go behind her back and get some support there for the both of you, inasmuch as caregiver support and support from another caring person for your friend.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@Nonametoday wrote:
@Vivian
Does she have a family member or a friend whose phone number she has shared with you so that you might, as a very good friend, go behind her back and get some support there for the both of you, inasmuch as caregiver support and support from another caring person for your friend.

@Vivian - don't do this.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@Vivian I am a cancer survivor. Where in the world do you come up with your "diagnosis"?? Just because there is cancer in her family does NOT mean SHE has it. She may, but you ought not be diagnosing her. Please do not advise her what to do or not to do. You only know what she is telling you.

I had some extremely unwanted "advice" when I was having treatments and had to tell someone in no uncertain terms that he was NOT my doctor.

Having had cancer I guess I'm touchy about other people speculating about this when they don't have all the facts.

mom2four0418 · ‎04-23-2010

Continue to be a dear, supportive friend and honor her decisions.

“The soul is healed by being with children.”
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I, too, am a cancer survivor, two different cancers. I know how important it is to follow doctors' instructions. I am not diagnosing anything, just expressing my fears here. My friend's doctor has NOT recommended infusions. My friend told me her doctor is "panicking' because of the frightening blood work results and symptoms. She wanted my friend to have the tests last week but my friend didn't want to do anything around the holiday. I simply told her to talk to her doctor but that any decision is ultimately hers, certainly not mine. Nevertheless, between you and me, I am very worried about her.