Don't feel like a heel. You offered your help, but your friend has to understand that you are only human, and that you do have other obligations, and a life of your own.
Your friend must have NEIGHBORS. When my mother was newly widowed, and moved to a condo, where she knew no one, I was still working. Although she could drive, she really couldn't drive in the busy town that she had just moved to. She was 82, and was used to driving in small town, USA traffic, not city traffic, where most people don't watch out for the other driver. Basically, although she could drive and had her own car, she couldn't drive in the city she was then living.
I got her into Daughters of the American Revolution. There were many women her own age. Luckily, one woman, who was also a retired teacher, lived about 10 minutes away from Mother. The two women found they had many things in common. Her new friend took her to doctor's appointments when I couldn't get off work to take her. That new friend was a heaven sent friend, as far as I was concerned.
After the new friend lost her sister, she moved out of town to live near her last surviving sister. By that time, Mother had lived in her condo for two years. The neighbor who lived in the same condo with Mother had taken a liking to Mother by that time. That lady was much younger than Mother, but had a heart of pure gold. She worked part time, but would stop in and check in on Mother almost daily, because when she got home from work in the middle of the afternoon, she was going home to an empty condo.
Your friend must have neighbors. Has she ever talked about any of them stopping in to have coffee with her? I would softly remind her that neighbor XYZ would most likely be more than happy to help her.
Does your friend have any clubs that she has joined? You might suggest that some of those members can likely help her when she needs help.
When my widowed Mother was released from the hospital, before the hospital would allow her to leave, we had to speak to a social worker. My concern was that Mother would need help getting a bath and getting a few things done around her condo. I explained that I was still working full time (more than 40 hours/week) and had a demanding job. The social worker lined her up with physical therapy who came to Mother's condo for PT, as well as occupational therapy, who also came to her home. The OT workers were always ladies and helped Mother get bathed and her hair washed. The PT came first to her condo, to see if there were safety concerns, or improvements that we could make in her condo, to make life easier for her.
The occupational therapy and physical therapy needs to be approved by the doctor, but if your friend is on Medicare, these services are paid for by Medicare, so although your friend could afford to pay for these services, she could request them by speaking to her doctor when he comes to check in on her at the hospital.
If you know of a high school or college gal that needs extra money, you might suggest to your friend that a young lady could come in and help her a few hours every day, or a few hours a week. At both of our hospitals are nursing colleges next door to the hospital. Nursing students are ALWAYS looking for a part time job. This would be an ideal match for both your friend and for a student nurse.
I think you did a good thing by offering your help, but your friend needs to understand that you have a life and cannot give her 24/7 assistance. Mention some of these possibilities to her. She may not have even thought of other options, other than her two best friends.
I realize we don't live in LA, but we have some grocery stores and pharmacies in this town that will deliver groceries or pharmacy items for free, or for a very minimum charge ($5). If you know of grocery stores and pharmacies in your area that would do this for her, you might mention that to her.
Good luck with your best friend. Most of all, do NOT feel guilty.
Brenda in Iowa
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