Among Friends

[pupwhipped]

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@house_cat wrote:

@Snowpuppy

I don't understand, either. She takes exotic vacations all year long, just had new French doors put in her kitchen which cost her $15,000 and recently renovated both of her bathrooms. She spends money like it's going out of style, yet the idea of calling a car service seems unreasonable to her.  Her daughter lives in San Francisco and her son in Colorado.  Neither has offered to help.

Her children not offering to help her speaks volumes. I can't even imagine.

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[IMW]

No.

[Mom2Dogs]

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. 

[FranandZoe]

She should have had this all planned when she decided to have the surgery.  One of her kids should come and stay with her.  And she should not expect her friends to help at all.  This is not your responsibility whatsoever.   And you should not feel guilty.  Do what you can and what you want to do and no more.  And if you don't want to do anything that's okay too.  You have quite enough on your plate but even if you didn't it's up to you what you want to do for others - you shouldn't be forced or guilted into anything.   She should check with her doctor's office or health insurance to see what help might be available thru them.  Or a local senior center or Area Agency on Aging.

[roster]

Being a friend doesn't mean not considering your own needs & responsibilities. Regardless of your friends financial situation, friends can't be bought. Do what you can and be at peace with that.

[Montana]

You have offered to do what you can. That’s the best you can do.

[henderson]

Sounds like she could afford a caregiver or CNA to help her.  My mom has a caregiver 6 hours a day for 3 days.  Some of them will cook for her, take her to the dr. and do grocery shopping.  Don't feel guilty, you have enough on your plate working and taking care of your husband.  Be kind, but firm with her.  You have already offered to do a lot.

[Zhills]

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@pupwhipped wrote:

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Her children not offering to help her speaks volumes. I can't even imagine.

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Not necessarily!  One of mine is a Doctor and one is an Electrical Contractor. 

Which one can take time off to care for me.........and leave your health or project just hanging???

[MarieIG]

First, I don't think you were unreasonable. Second, I think your friend is scared. My thoughts on this is you can go to her before the surgery and make a list of food items she likes, call from her home for her, have them delivered and stock up her fridge pre-surgery. Food delivery is a good idea. Your time would best be spent with her, rather than shopping. You can actually make the calls for her and help her place the orders and receive the deliveries. Remember she won't even be able to carry the packages into the house. You didn't mention having her at your home for a few days, so I'm assuming you don't have the room. The time immediately after surgery is the worst, due to potential reactions / side-effects from the surgery and medication (including bleeding, dizziness, vomiting). How will she be getting home from the hospital? Of course she can have an Uber pick her up, but usually it is recommended that someone accompany the patient home. She may be "well off financially" but no amount of money can buy love / friendship.

[Scooby Doo]

Why not reschedule the surgery for when the other friend is home?

I don't see this situation as how much she needs physically done for her.  I see it as being lonely at a time when you're vulnerable.  We all need some sympathy now and then.  She's probably hurt that her kids have not offered to help.  Her friend will be away.  She might feel abandoned and it will show in different ways.  I'd let her know that you care, but can't be there as much as she wants.  But you can call her a couple of times a day just to give her some lovin'.

She could hire a nursing asst to come over every day for a few hours to help bathe or whatever.  Getting in bed is difficult.

MY dd was a nursing asst and did that sort of thing.  There's Door Dash for meals.