UPDATE ON THE BIG TALK WITH MOM - Page 5

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus...sometimes I think she gets up on the wrong side of the bed......

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@hayseed00 wrote:
Prayers for strength, I know this seems easy for me to say but I have been in your shoes, maybe a different pair, but I can feel for you I felt like that when my mom was sick. I let her illness engulf me, if she had a good day I had a good day, I let it take over my life. Try not to let this happen if you can. I thank the good Lord my husband was their to scrape me off the floor and let me know it's ok to care and love you mom and dad, but life is to precious and short not to live my life. Peace friend !!!

Awwwwh @hayseed00. Words of experience and wisdom much appreciated. DH is my sounding board, helper to me, and goes w/ me to her every other week to change light bulbs, fix other things, etc. He drove me there as the hurricane approached to help pack her things and bring her back here for safety since her area was expected to be hit hard and there were many trees down, power outages, flooded areas....I could never have driven back at night in that blinding rain w/ thunder & lightening. Her gratitude? Never heard anything but complaints.

Catiele · ‎08-20-2012

Second thoughts Shanus. Feeling bad for you . My brother was with me on everything. So sad you’re brother isn’t. You have tried your best. What will be will be.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@KingstonsMom wrote:
@Shanus

You need to tell your son that 'tough love is still love'.

You have HER best interests at heart re: her health, diet and hygiene, while he is more concerned with hurting her feelings.

How will he feel if the worst happens when she's alone?

At least you'll know that you tried your best.

(((HUGS))) to you!

@Shanus This is harsh, but you need to tell your son to grow up. And yes, let him take the brunt of it because you can't change anything and don't have the power to. SO sad. Been there done that. I feel for you and send prayers your way.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@I am still oxox wrote:
It is not an easy road, I was lucky my folks accepted the help, and stayed at home with full time live in
There comes a point when the family has to step in and "take charge" when it get to the point where she is not longer "competent it might be too late.
It is the time for Tough Love

@I am still oxox The problem being you can't step in and take charge UNTIL it is too late.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@Shanus wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
Not surprising. You are angry, frustrated and resentful of the fact that she's old sick. You went in loaded for bear, that conversation which was a really you demanding that she do what you want her to do....could not have ended well. Give it some time and then let your DS or another family member approach her.

@chrystaltree What? I’m anything but resentful that she’s old and sick. Frustrated? Of course. Loaded for bear? Definitely not. Where would that get us and resolve nothing. My aunt, her 91 yr. old sister, has pleaded w/ her to move like she did...closer to her children to be w/ them, have some companionship, have help if needed and make it easier for them to visit w/o having to travel. Now DS made the attempt w/ no results. No one demanded anything. She was given a choice to have more hours from aides or we’d have to consider an alternative. Please don’t make assumptions.

There are always more than 2 choices, you are upset she did not chose one you offered. It is her life. Help her make a choice for herself not give her ultimatums.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

The problem that those of us dealing with will have to live with is that something possibly terrible will have to happen before you can do anything. At that point it may be too late.

We didn't make the situation; we are left with the responsibility without the authority.

We can't stop living our own lives, and a lot of us aren't very young either.

I am worn out. I don't worry about it much because I have simply done all I can do, I live far away and can't move her, and have my own immediate family's health concerns I can;t leave.

So, it simply is what it is and I have to get used to it. No matter what peope think; or what they say about me; or whatever. I have exhausted all options but to wait it out.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
Not surprising. You are angry, frustrated and resentful of the fact that she's old sick. You went in loaded for bear, that conversation which was a really you demanding that she do what you want her to do....could not have ended well. Give it some time and then let your DS or another family member approach her.

@chrystaltree

I'm sorry, but that's just wrong.

You're making a lot of assumptions that you have no right to make.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Shanus wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
Not surprising. You are angry, frustrated and resentful of the fact that she's old sick. You went in loaded for bear, that conversation which was a really you demanding that she do what you want her to do....could not have ended well. Give it some time and then let your DS or another family member approach her.

@chrystaltree What? I’m anything but resentful that she’s old and sick. Frustrated? Of course. Loaded for bear? Definitely not. Where would that get us and resolve nothing. My aunt, her 91 yr. old sister, has pleaded w/ her to move like she did...closer to her children to be w/ them, have some companionship, have help if needed and make it easier for them to visit w/o having to travel. Now DS made the attempt w/ no results. No one demanded anything. She was given a choice to have more hours from aides or we’d have to consider an alternative. Please don’t make assumptions.
There are always more than 2 choices, you are upset she did not chose one you offered. It is her life. Help her make a choice for herself not give her ultimatums.

@CrazyDaisy As of yesterday, she did make her own choice. She’s not moving closer and although while we were with her, she promised to call the agency to get more help, this morning’s email from her said she’s decided she does not want different aides than the ones coming now. BTW, she has no one coming in on Sundays. If she falls after 12 noon on Sat., no one finds her until Monday morning at 9 when that aide arrives. That’s why we had to boil it down to 2 choices. When given all over scenarios, they’ve been turned down as well.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Sooner wrote:
The problem that those of us dealing with will have to live with is that something possibly terrible will have to happen before you can do anything. At that point it may be too late.

We didn't make the situation; we are left with the responsibility without the authority.

We can't stop living our own lives, and a lot of us aren't very young either.

I am worn out. I don't worry about it much because I have simply done all I can do, I live far away and can't move her, and have my own immediate family's health concerns I can;t leave.

So, it simply is what it is and I have to get used to it. No matter what peope think; or what they say about me; or whatever. I have exhausted all options but to wait it out.

@Sooner Wise words. You’re so right. I hope I reach that place soon and take that page from your book. 💕