UPDATE ON THE BIG TALK WITH MOM - Page 4

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@bonnielu wrote:
This is a tough one. I left my mother alone. I did try. She just moved to be closer to her brothers in Florida. She got a caretaker to live with her. Seems everyone took advantage of her. Perhaps I should have been more forceful. She did not die alone but she died without any resources.

@bonnielu. Resources meaning money? Mom has full coverage from Long Term Care insurance. She pays the aides 1/4 of the amount she’s reimbursed by insurance. There’s no reason why she can’t have 24 hr. care. It won’t cost her a dime out of pocket...just a smaller insurance check which, frankly, she doesn’t even need. My Dad owned a lg. business, invested smartly and left her well cared for financially. That makes this all the more frustrating.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanusyou are right that your son is not young so therefore I think you might try to trust his judgement a little more to relieve some of the pressure on yourself.I think this whole thing is harder on you than anyone else involved.It is a very sad time of life but nothing will change the outcome no matter how hard we try.Your moms life will not ever be safe from mishaps or decline.You are a very loving,caring and wonderful daughter to your mom and she is a fortunate person to have you and her grandson to care so deeply about her.

CAcableGirl2 · ‎06-03-2010

@Shanus You are in a tough spot. You might want to see about getting some inside security cameras that you can access from your home.

I have several "canary" brand cameras so I can check on my house (and see what my dogs are doing all day), and I can access them from anywhere. You just need to have wi-fi at your mom's home. They are the size of a small water bottle and don't look like cameras.

You can access them day or night - and see what is going on.

I would look at getting those right away. At least you could see the areas in the home anytime without your mom knowing that you are checking on her - this could help to ease some of your concerns.

They are reasonable, I got mine from QVC for about $85 with free shipping and they are still available. Check out the presentation for all the details.

Best of luck to you and your son - it's not easy being the daughter or the grandson in these situations.

......You look like I need a drink.....

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@dex wrote:
@Shanusyou are right that your son is not young so therefore I think you might try to trust his judgement a little more to relieve some of the pressure on yourself.I think this whole thing is harder on you than anyone else involved.It is a very sad time of life but nothing will change the outcome no matter how hard we try.Your moms life will not ever be safe from mishaps or decline.You are a very loving,caring and wonderful daughter to your mom and she is a fortunate person to have you and her grandson to care so deeply about her.

@dex ❤️

halfpint1 · ‎03-10-2010

You all got me thinking of my mom. She lived in LA and I as in a suburb. We were never that close to really talk. She moved a few times on her own. Don't know if it was how she acted. I had to put her in a home. I had a call she was wandering around. Don't know her real feelings for she just laid in bed un less the aides moved her to the lunch area. She lived to her nineties a long time. I can't remember her age or how long she was there. I wou ld see her on Sundays.

Now I will be 81 in November. I have a son 59 who lives close by unmarried and no children who lives close by. Does things and takes me places but we still argue. I'm ok so far and try to walk every day. I might not eat good-frozen etc. instead of cooking. My Husband left me with enough money but I will stay here. The nursing homes will take it all for my mom costs alot unless the state pays. It will also be just as lonely there for no friends here. Just a little who went through it and hopes not to. At least the poor will have all my clothes.--Ha Ha.

hayseed00 · ‎11-24-2011

Prayers for strength, I know this seems easy for me to say but I have been in your shoes, maybe a different pair, but I can feel for you I felt like that when my mom was sick. I let her illness engulf me, if she had a good day I had a good day, I let it take over my life. Try not to let this happen if you can. I thank the good Lord my husband was their to scrape me off the floor and let me know it's ok to care and love you mom and dad, but life is to precious and short not to live my life. Peace friend !!!

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Not surprising. You are angry, frustrated and resentful of the fact that she's old sick. You went in loaded for bear, that conversation which was a really you demanding that she do what you want her to do....could not have ended well. Give it some time and then let your DS or another family member approach her.

maestra · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus My mother also refused to wear a life alert pendant. Just waiting fo her to be found dead on the floor next to a phone she cant reach.

She has already 'lost' 2 Trac cell phones; this was disappointing.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@maestra wrote:
@Shanus My mother also refused to wear a life alert pendant. Just waiting fo her to be found dead on the floor next to a phone she cant reach.

She has already 'lost' 2 Trac cell phones; this was disappointing.

@maestra At least your Mom had them to lose. Mine has a cell phone plugged in to charge...permanently. Never takes it with her...not even when she was driving alone.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
Not surprising. You are angry, frustrated and resentful of the fact that she's old sick. You went in loaded for bear, that conversation which was a really you demanding that she do what you want her to do....could not have ended well. Give it some time and then let your DS or another family member approach her.

@chrystaltree What? I’m anything but resentful that she’s old and sick. Frustrated? Of course. Loaded for bear? Definitely not. Where would that get us and resolve nothing. My aunt, her 91 yr. old sister, has pleaded w/ her to move like she did...closer to her children to be w/ them, have some companionship, have help if needed and make it easier for them to visit w/o having to travel. Now DS made the attempt w/ no results. No one demanded anything. She was given a choice to have more hours from aides or we’d have to consider an alternative. Please don’t make assumptions.