Among Friends

[VaBelle35]

There are settings you can use on your cell phone (and most landline/home phones) that send her calls directly to voicemail.

You can block her texts.

This way the line of communication stays open for emergencies (she can leave a voicemail) and you do not get drawn into the drama.

[VaBelle35]

On Verizon Wireless, I have the option to "mute" a text conversation.  So I will still get the text, but no notification.

This is kinder than blocking.  This way, the texts come in, but I don't read them and they just sit there.

[lovesrecess]

Your brother sounds totally dependent upon her...so he won't leave. I would just make sure she doesn't have access to any of your mother's financial info.

[Janet89]

To answer some questions, she got a DUI before they met, so that is why she doesn't drive.  He pays her mortgage and all household bills.  He lives in her home. 

I had told him to leave, and he did for 1 night, then went back.  So, I backed off about my observations and he quit asking my opinion.    I feel their relationship is toxic to both of them, but, as most of you have said, it's their choice.

My issue is more with dragging me into things.  And, after this post and advice received,  I have only answered texts that have nothing to do with their relationship.  I also let calls go to voicemail.  I've been doing this pretty much after I figured out what kind of person she is, but my brother's recent hospital stay caused me to directly answer calls, which started a ball rolling with her complaints.  I'm just no longer going to engage if she starts bashing him.  I have tried being polite in telling her to stop, but it makes no difference.     

[Janet89]

Just wanted to follow-up.  I really appreciate everyone's comments because, when I originally posted, I felt at my wit's end.  Apparently, I wasn't the only one, because my brother moved out Oct. 1 and, so far, has not went back.  HOORAY!!

He still has some contact with her, but lives with my Mom, which has helped me considerably since I am no longer having to check on her daily.  He even looks better! 

[game-on]

@Janet89.....hope you get a vacation because from what I have read both your mom and your brother dont have the best of health.  So I know that you will be needed soon.  Glad your brother came to his senses.... but relationships often dont end cleanly.... dont get caught up if they try to reconcile.... you sound like you are tired.... you need to rest up and take care of yourself, dont you think?  Best wishes.

[Lindsays Grandma]

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@151949 wrote:

Simply delete the texts without reading them, and move on.

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That's about what I was going to suggest, you said it first.

[Montana]

@Janet89 Thanks for the update.  Most who post about problems here and receive response after response never even bother to acknowledge them.

Glad the situation is better for you.